DH. Drink driving. Facebook. This one has it all!

[monkeyfacegrace]

Im fucking LIVID with DH.

He went out for a meal last night. Came home at 11pm, and I got hit by the smell of beer straight away.

He said initally he had 4 pints with a big meal over the evening, today he has changed that to 3 pints.

Im literally fucking steaming. Im no goody goody, I drink like a fish, but Id NEVER consider getting behind a wheel.

What makes it worse is that it was a performance car he was driving, and he depends on his license for his job.

So, as well as possibly killing himself and others, he also risked his job, his home, everything. He had to come home rurally too, and the chances of hitting a deer or another animal at that time was increased. Not to mention teenagers hanging around during summer holidays.

Can you tell Im mad?

Anyway, I just let rip, publically, on facebook. He still doesnt think he has done much wrong and that Im over reacting. So Ive blasted him publically. I hope his boss reads it and I hope he is FUCKING MORTIFIED.

Its almost a deal breaker for me.

Anyway, Im wondering whether Ive made myself look like a twat for using facebook to shame him. Should I remove it?

I think drink driving is totally unacceptable. Totally and utterly. I wouldn't blame you for it being a deal breaker.

Equally, I think blasting your DH on FB and potentially losing him his job, future jobs, and risking everything is a bit crap too.

The point is Thumb we're again being sucked into the ABV argument rather than focusing on the bigger picture. We'll tell ourselves anything providing it gives us a licence to drink more than is healthy

I do agree with this.

Yes I agree with you, LittleLion - was just pointing out the slight inaccuracy in your otherwise very good post.

Totally agree little. We end up doing the "well its only ...%" or " I only had one/two ". I'm guilty of this.

YABU to peg your H's dirty laundry up on facebook for all to see.

Presumably you were attempting to humiliate/embarrass/bully him into never ever doing this again.

Big mistake in the way you handled the situation. This is not the way to sort the problem.

I'd be just as livid as you but keep your domestic stuff private. You'll all benefit in the long run and once you've calmed down from your drama llama daily mail type reaction you'll find other ways to tackle this more successfully than with alienation and confrontation and you personally making it more likely that your H could lose his licence/job over this. I did. I now never have any reason to suspect that dh will do/has done it.

Yanbu to be annoyed but yabvvvvvvvvu to have publicly posted it on Facebook. I know not everything on Facebook is true but you've made him out to be a twat andads yourself out to be unhinged. Delete it. And do it quickly.

Another ..What you DH did was completely inappropriate and broke the law..However I am not sure why you feel the need to air your dirty laundry in public. I hate any relationship through FB..

OP of course YANBU and to be fair the Facebook thing is not the best approach , as other girls mentioned if it was the other way around would you like it? But... When someone reacts like he did (so unbelievably dangerously childish) who know how someone can react? So although I don't agree with the fb thing you did, YANBU. He got away with it prettly nicely I'd say

Good luck to you - I assume you went to the other extreme cause he's done similar crap in the past, so you just lost it now, so really good luck to you!

Me too msgrinch! Thankfully I don't have an addictive personality so it's a rare blip that's easily remedied. Lots of others are not so fortunate and I speak with very personal experience. It's a slippery slope.

Lambrusco comes in many different %'s - 4%, 8%, 12%, 15%. Many in between, I'm sure.

But I'm still laughing at the irony.
When her dh pointed out she also has drunk-driven she said bollocks. But then Proceeded to tell us she actually had. Be it 2 glasses of Lambrusco. It's still drink driving. She is an absolute hypocrite.

Is she leaving her marriage? Best she leaves because of her own drink driving ASWELL then!

Driving after a couple of glasses of low alcohol wine and driving after 4-3 pints of lager/beer are not the same thing, one is illegal for a start, the other is not. Although I agree neither is ideal, I still think it's a bit off to call the OP a hypocrite.

OP never admitted to having driven drunk, you are reading things that are not there, she said she had driven after having had a drink. It's not the same thing as driving drunk.

I just entered my dh's calculations and if he drank 4 pints over 4 hours he wouldn't be over the limit at all.

I don't agree with drinking and driving, although my dh will have one pint with a meal and drive and I might have a malibu with a meal and drive but never any more than that. Depending on his size he may have actually still be in the limit.

Ditto everything re husband complete idiot.Unacceptable and his attitude is awful. Can't stand folk like that and wouldn't hesitate to report to police a friend who was about to drink drive. Here in Scotland we wouldn't be having the % debate. Can't have so much as a wine gum which is excellent. Taxis all round.
However as said ad nauseum, FB post horrendous idea, am so embarrassed for you! Talk about making a bad situation worse.
Have you considered that the boss may have deleted your comment because he's worried who might see it and think bad of him...other colleagues who don't have his lax attitude /business contacts etc. It's one thing saying the boss would be liable to laugh it off but you've made a public comment all his FB friends can see. He might be feeling the need to distance himself from your husband. (By sacking him)
He will needs to publicly at least, not condone this behaviour. Even if he laughs it off in RL.
Your husband has missed out on jail this time but could be jobless with no references soon thanks to your knee jerk reaction. That's not helping anyone stay safe on the streets. Because he'll still have his license.

Good God, people, I can't believe the patronising-as-hell, minimising and projecting reactions here.

The OP didn't post on Facebook; she responded to a post. I wouldn't have been able to "keep my mouth shut" at such a comment, either, and I'm one of the least "crass", "embarrassing", "low class","Jeremy Kyle style", "unhinged" people you could meet!

FGS, "For evil to flourish, all it takes is for good people to do nothing."! Saying nothing to such a post would have been to have condoned it, and that is UGLY AS HELL.

The boss doesn't care and grace's H is minimising, but this is MN, people, haven't we heard of gas-lighting? If a wo/man says something is acceptable, does that mean another person affected HAS to believe that, even if it's demonstrably not true?

And SHAME on people who said things like: "Drink driving is bad, but you sound like a loon." [paraphrasing, in order not to "bully" anyone who said something like that on this thread.]

OP - don't blame you in the slightest for what you did. The only reason he didn't have an accident while drink driving is likely sheer dumb luck.

Please feel free to post next time he plans on going out, as you're in my area. If he and his coworkers are working while drinking during the day, it would be nice to know what type of work this is so we can all avoid using that business if possible.

Appalled at people who are tearing strips off the OP. If a man cheats on his wife, people are clamouring for her to tell all and sundry. If a man drink drives and risks the lives of anyone he meets on the roadway, people are telling her to be quiet and keep it in the family.

I know which one poses the greater public risk, and it's not the cheater.

Pluto good paraphrasing but you've completely misrepresented my post (or posts as indeed I have posted twice). I don't see how pointing out that contacting the police would have been more appropriate than putting a snarky comment on FB is minimising what he's done, quite the opposite.

Feel free to post if he's going out drinking and driving?!!
Are you serious ..
If she knows he's going to do it in advance phone the police and get him caught and arrested.
Not post it on bloody mumsnet

If the OP's DH had slapped her after his night out should she keep it as a private affair etc and not mention it on FB?

If he slapped her she should call the police. Not keep it quiet or post on Facebook.

Teresa Um, here's a grip... ... Yes, she should ring the police. You did notice I said that I live in the same town as she does, right?

FFS, is it a full moon or something?

No, she should not ring the police. It is a waste of their time Ffs.

Here's the thing, if i have a serious row with DH and post something on FB, then without people having the context of why I'm so angry, yes most people would eye roll at my post and assume I was being melodramatic for attention, because most of what goes on FB is for grabbing attention. This is why FB is not exactly an effective medium for communicating real life problems.

OP's post will have irritated her DH's colleagues and boss, so they'll all be helping him minimise this, reassuring him that the OP was overreacting and he hasn't done anything wrong, because to tell him otherwise they'd have to take responsibility for their part. The fact of the matter is, what he did was wrong, very wrong, but there's no way her DH is likely to see it like that if all his mates are backing him up.

Really moving? Catching someone about to commit a serious crime is a waste of police time?
That's a new one on me

Moving Yes, she should ring the police if she is aware he is out and planning on driving home drunk. If they don't have the manpower to follow it up, so be it, but if he's out and drinking and she knows he is going to drive home, then absolutely the police can be advised.

Yes, exactly what I posted. If you read the thread through you'll find thorough explanations as to why the police can't do anything unless the person is a) driving b) drunk and c) caught drunk and driving.