DH. Drink driving. Facebook. This one has it all!

[monkeyfacegrace]

Im fucking LIVID with DH.

He went out for a meal last night. Came home at 11pm, and I got hit by the smell of beer straight away.

He said initally he had 4 pints with a big meal over the evening, today he has changed that to 3 pints.

Im literally fucking steaming. Im no goody goody, I drink like a fish, but Id NEVER consider getting behind a wheel.

What makes it worse is that it was a performance car he was driving, and he depends on his license for his job.

So, as well as possibly killing himself and others, he also risked his job, his home, everything. He had to come home rurally too, and the chances of hitting a deer or another animal at that time was increased. Not to mention teenagers hanging around during summer holidays.

Can you tell Im mad?

Anyway, I just let rip, publically, on facebook. He still doesnt think he has done much wrong and that Im over reacting. So Ive blasted him publically. I hope his boss reads it and I hope he is FUCKING MORTIFIED.

Its almost a deal breaker for me.

Anyway, Im wondering whether Ive made myself look like a twat for using facebook to shame him. Should I remove it?

It's all a bit of a car crash

"It is not normal to publically humiliate an adult you love to teach them a lesson. Not at all

But it's perfectly normal to drive drunk & put untold lives at risk? Hmm...ok!"

different name - where did I say it was normal to drink drive?

Fine as I am different and don't tell me what to do.

There's a dear!

There's no thread police around here in case you hadn't noticed.

I'll say what I like thanks.

No one seriously considers leaving their oh for drink driving? ? I would

He is still adamant that I also drink drive after a couple glasses of wine (bollocks and massively deflecting)

TBF, if you do indeed drive after drinking couple of glasses of wine then you might actually be drink driving. Wine is getting stronger, pub measures are bigger and home measures are notoriously under-estimated.

Where I am on this is: two wrongs don't make a right. But his wrong was way worse than your wrong.

Thanks for the defence guys but Im okay. Ive been round these 'ere parts for almost a decade, long enough to know that AIBU will throw up all sorts of answers.

Im Im completely willing to hold my hands up and accept that I was BU for that part.

Question is, my marriage is now in tatters and Im going to have to muddle forwards with 3 kids.

cinbar I dont drive after wine, thats the point.

I may have driven after a couple of glasses of lambrusco but thats it!

He either has a completely warped memory, or is just grasping at straws.

monkey give it a day or two, he might realise how serious you are and hopefully never do it again, if not then to be honest I would seriously consider leaving too.

It sounds like you have both acted in a way you might one day regret. I can completely understand your rage, I would share it is my DH did the same. Equally. Publicly shaming him is not really the answer. Is there any middle ground to be found here? Can both of you accept that you may not have behaved wonderfully? If he permanently defends drink driving then he's an idiot and not worth your time but it sounds like egos are getting in the way here. Can you calmly talk about it?

Fair enough, OP. It wasn't clear from your post, but I'm very happy to believe you.

I'm sorry your marriage is in tatters. That's really hard.

Naughty op for posting about poor DH drunk driving, breaking the law and risking peoples life.

What a terrible wife you are.

Go to the shops and buy the poor man some beer.

What do you do about your marriage?

Nothing! He did this, not you. And if he can't or won't see why, you're well shot of him.

I never get why people post private personal things on Facebook, I find it a little odd and attention seeking if I'm being honest. OP, your other half is a dick for getting behind the wheel after drinking but you are just as idiotic for parading it all over Facebook, do you really think that your friends and family want to see that sort of thing on there?......

Just as idiotic? Really?
Her dh could have killed someone. She's done something stupid with chappy social media.
One is life and death, one is bits and bytes.

I really don't think that posting anything on FB, no matter how personal, could ever be just as idiotic as drink driving.

Go to your mums for a few day Monkey, to let things calm down and clear your head. Talk to him again once your feeling better.

I get why you posted on FB. Maybe it wasn't the right thing, but it was understandable and a hell of a lot less serious, idiotic and unhinged than drink driving is.

I hope things work for you in the end.

one is life and death, one its bits and bytes

Sums it up perfectly!!

This thread is completely loopy.

Fuck yes would i leave and take the children if my husband drunk drove. It is a behaviour that could put them at risk, on what planet is it okay? Clearly on the aibu-planet where the only thing you are allowed to do is stick the boot in to the op!!

Hope you're ok OP.

Is there anyone in RL yu can talk this over with? Your mum or sister? or someone in DHs family who he will listen to, instead of trying to play it down and make out you're just a nagging wife and it was no biggie.

I absolutely would leave DH over this, as he would not be the person I thought he was. The not admitting to it being serious, belittling your anger/concern, and showing no remorse is arrogant and worse than the actual drink driving IMO!

"Just as idiotic"
for fucks sake, what is the matter with you?

Oh FGS, you just admitted that you've driven after a couple of glasses of wine yourself!!! You're just as bad as him. If you drink, you DO NOT get behind the wheel of a car, EVER. It doesn't matter if you've had 1 drink or 10 drinks, you are being completely irresponsible by driving afterwards.

Oh and your husband is an idiot for drink driving, so are you with putting it up on Facebook. I'm cringing thinking of the post on Facebook - what were you thinking? People who post their personal crap on Facebook are just so immature - cop onto yourself.

I totally get where you are coming from OP and admire your stance (although not your use of FB). However, what do you do when someone is minimising a potentially dangerous state of affairs? I really don't know.

I am zero-tolerance on drink-driving and I don't need a change of law to make me so. I can enjoy a meal or a meet-up with friends as happily with an orange juice & lemonade. I have had several people say "but you can have one". I know I can, I just choose not to. If I go to a party, I take a taxi.

Perhaps if you let the dust settle for a couple of days your DH may be more willing to listen and be less defensive. I hope so for your sake and the sake of the DCs.

Coconut while that might be really sound, sensible advice it is not the law. That is the difference

Yes BeyondTheWall, I'm stunned that some posters think that monkey's behaviour is somehow morally equivalent to her husband's! Seriously?

I don't even see so much of a problem with expressing her disapproval on FB. If there is a culture at her DH's work of heavy drinking and turning a blind eye to drink driving then it's probably about time someone called them out.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this shit monkey.

I may have driven after a couple of glasses of lambrusco but that's it

Slightly hypocritical then op. Lambrusco is usually about 8%, a couple of glasses may put you over the limit. At what point does it stop being "ok to be over cos it's only lambrusco" and turn into "rant on Facebook" ?

Drink driving is definitely not OK, and I couldn't be with someone who thought it was acceptable, so I'm with you there, OP.

I also couldn't be with someone who posted something on FB like you've posted.