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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

One night of him has made me question our proposed wedding

143 replies

MassiveFfingMug · 06/08/2015 22:52

DP is going away tomorrow with his adult kids. I was supposed to be going too but decided not to - for one thing I didn't fancy camping and secondly I thought he could do to have a weekend with his kids and I could have a weekend with mine. He seemed over the moon with this and I was chuffed about the arrangements too.
Anyway knowing what an utter twat he can be and the way he loves a fucking drama and to make out that I hate him doing anything with his kids (despite me encouraging this weekend and various other stuff) I thought to myself earlier "I bet he tries to start an argument with me later". Just so he can say "you're in a mood because I'm going away with my kids".

Anyway - idea was that as we won't see each other after tonight until Monday - we'd share a glass of wine and watch a movie tonight. Wine is sat there and he comes in saying he doesn't feel well enough to drink alcohol (despite buying two packs of beer to go away with this weekend). Fine - whatever. He goes off for a shower and I poor myself a drink. He comes down and starts ww3 saying I'm out of order for opening a drink without him. I ask if he wants one - he says no Confused anyway this ridiculousness continues all night until he outright refuses to share a wine with me. Fine, whatever. But no - as he's not getting a reaction from that he starts nit picking - snapping, sarcasm every time I speak ... I ask if he has called the doctor about his urine test and he bizarrely accuses me of checking his text messages. I've resisted the urge to react to his shit all night and he's ginally said IT ... "I've not prepared for this weekend because of you". I asked how it's my fault and he says "you wouldn't have been happy if I'd prepares stuff so I didnt". Absolute shit and you know what, I'm starting to realise that if faced with a lifetime of this or being a crazy dog woman --- give me the kennel number

OP posts:
MoralityPlay · 07/08/2015 09:55

Ok, everyone agrees that this an is a nasty bit of work. Ranting is good but not as good as actually doing something to change the situation.

What are you going to do OP?

VivaLeBeaver · 07/08/2015 10:01

You need to leave and never see this bloke again.

Vatersay · 07/08/2015 10:03

To summarise:

He doesn't celebrate your successes

He doesn't support you when you are worried

He didn't support you in grief

He picks arguments with you (so regularly you can predict them)

He blames you for his relationship with his adult children

You are financially independent.

Hmm

Come on Op what advice would you give if it was someone else?

hint it wouldn't involve a dress and a certificate

3littlefrogs · 07/08/2015 10:06

I have only read your OP, but there are so many red flags there you could make a string of bunting.

Run. Very far and very fast.

gelwax · 07/08/2015 10:08

The only good thing I can see about this situation is that you have the financial wherewithal to extricate yourself. He will not change. In fact, based on what you've said, it'll get worse and you'll spend your life miserable. It's easier to cancel a wedding than to get a divorce. PP was right: he'll spin it that he's a martyr and you're a crazy mare who blocked his time with his kids and that's why you left. However, if you're running and not looking back, then who gives a fuck what he's saying. GO GO GO! Hope you enjoy your weekend plans.

specialsubject · 07/08/2015 10:32

the OP's first post makes it clear she holds this man in utter contempt. End of, whether he deserves it or not.

so why marry, or even have sex with him?

have some standards.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/08/2015 10:32

He sounds.... Awful!

So OP... Why are you there?
Do you love him? Are you tied to him in other ways?
What benefits there in marrying him? Are there any?

Really think: can you imagine your life with him in 5/10/15 years.... Hell, can you imagine yout life with him in 6 months...

I feel he is telling you everything yoi need to know!

Minicaters · 07/08/2015 20:50

How are you doing today OP?

lostinikea · 07/08/2015 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrapBag · 07/08/2015 22:11

Just to reiterate what other pps said, the fact that you pre empted this argument says it all.

This is what your marriage will be like.

Get out now (whilst he's away this weekend) and be thankful you had a lucky escape.

Jb291 · 08/08/2015 11:47

I really hope you are by now packing your bags and on your way out of the door and leaving this awful man. Don't think about it. Just pack your things and go. Delete and block as everyone else has said. How long is he going to be away for?? Does it give you enough time to get away safely?

Tangerineandturquoise · 08/08/2015 12:15

Honestly
Gas lighting has subterfuge, he is being more than clear about what he is like-and you are being more than clear that you will put up with it.
Are you sure you didn't post about the donuts the other week?

Anyway if this is your first post about it- look at yourself, you have let him treat you like a nobody-and now he knows he can just carry on doing that, and he will until you say stop.
Truthfully there are some people who only seek out dramatic chaotic relationships, they need the drama to feel valid or valued-please don't turn yourself into one of them

wizzler · 08/08/2015 12:30

OP.. you sound like a strong person.. you have been at Uni and got a Qualification.while raising your DC which is no mean feat. You are not financially dependent on him and there is nothing in your post to say he makes you happy.

I think you need to be clear with yourself about why you are with him and why you are marrying him .

bigbumtheory · 08/08/2015 18:55

Some people aren't happy unless they are making others miserable. Some cant accept responsibility for their own bad behavior and so must blame others.

You know he wont change. You knew how he would play this. Question is will you keep playing his game or end it?

Yanbu btw he sounds like a wank.

Nettymaniaa · 08/08/2015 22:08

Find a happier situation than this. Not worth it. If you marry this person how do you see your life together in 10 years time and what level of regret might you be feeling. Enjoy yourself.

Panadbois · 09/08/2015 11:42

Any news......?

Tangerineandturquoise · 09/08/2015 12:16

You see I do think this thread has echoes of the donut gate thread-so if it wasn't you OP then I have to say there is some good advice on donut gate as well

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2423809-To-be-pissed-off-at-DPs-attitude-re-his-kids-and-mine

KurriKurri · 09/08/2015 12:21

As others have said, - run fast, run far.

Be a crazy dog lady - dogs will treat you far better and love you unconditionally.

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