One night of him has made me question our proposed wedding

[MassiveFfingMug]

DP is going away tomorrow with his adult kids. I was supposed to be going too but decided not to - for one thing I didn't fancy camping and secondly I thought he could do to have a weekend with his kids and I could have a weekend with mine. He seemed over the moon with this and I was chuffed about the arrangements too.
Anyway knowing what an utter twat he can be and the way he loves a fucking drama and to make out that I hate him doing anything with his kids (despite me encouraging this weekend and various other stuff) I thought to myself earlier "I bet he tries to start an argument with me later". Just so he can say "you're in a mood because I'm going away with my kids".

Anyway - idea was that as we won't see each other after tonight until Monday - we'd share a glass of wine and watch a movie tonight. Wine is sat there and he comes in saying he doesn't feel well enough to drink alcohol (despite buying two packs of beer to go away with this weekend). Fine - whatever. He goes off for a shower and I poor myself a drink. He comes down and starts ww3 saying I'm out of order for opening a drink without him. I ask if he wants one - he says no anyway this ridiculousness continues all night until he outright refuses to share a wine with me. Fine, whatever. But no - as he's not getting a reaction from that he starts nit picking - snapping, sarcasm every time I speak ... I ask if he has called the doctor about his urine test and he bizarrely accuses me of checking his text messages. I've resisted the urge to react to his shit all night and he's ginally said IT ... "I've not prepared for this weekend because of you". I asked how it's my fault and he says "you wouldn't have been happy if I'd prepares stuff so I didnt". Absolute shit and you know what, I'm starting to realise that if faced with a lifetime of this or being a crazy dog woman --- give me the kennel number

op sorry to bang on but why has this relationship lasted as long as it has? you really do sound like you hate him.

How long have you been together for?

And does he have any redeeming qualities whatsoever?

Massive - The reasons for arguing are completely unrelated to any event that has happened today. That's the problem. It's just part of a pattern (which is how you knew it was coming) based on his own feelings and emotional immaturity about things and situations which are completely out of your hands.

Example:

With your 'D'P, is sounds as though: Things to do with spending time with his kids = argument.

With my ex: Things to do with spending time with his Mum = argument.

He found being with his mum stressful for many reasons, and he took this out on me. It didn't matter what I did, how thoughtful I was, how kindly I behaved towards her, on the way back in the car, he would start picking me apart and ranting on and on and on and fucking on about my faults. How I was selfish, how I made it clear I wanted to leave, how I clearly didn't want him to spend time with his mum - all of which was utter utter rubbish - just because HE felt shit.

It was NOTHING to do with me, but i was there, so I became the person to blame.

Ditto when something, anything happened in his life, it was a massive fucking drama. When a my mum became very ill, it was a non-event because "she's old, these things happen. Get over it"

Please please don't marry him.

Op you've answered your own question. Save yourself from further stress!

That's exactly how he is jaded! Everything with him a major drama - if the same thing happens to me it's just "one of those things". I've gone way beyond the call of duty with regards to his constant fucking paranoia about his health ... Accompanying him to Drs appointments, hospital appointments, verbal support etc etc ... When my beloved grandad was dying he said " I can't be involved in that, it's no good for me to be around such negativity". !!!! Imagine if I got struck down with something awful?? I really don't think he'd be there for me at all.

Twat face is right. Wouldn't it have been a nicer night just you and the bottle of wine?

if he can't even offer a shred of sympathy for redundancy worries he really isn't worth your time and energy.

you knew he was going to start a argument somehow, so gather your wits, kids and money and leave before he really drags you down to the point that your hating the sound of his keys in the lock or your walking on eggshells in case he starts a row as soon as you say anything at all

He sounds weird.

You sound like you don't even like him.

Why are you still in this?

What a self obssessed twat.

Run, while you can. He won't get better.

OK, sorry OP. Well, you're not the only woman out there going through this then!

My feeling is the same though. Any man who sets himself and his kids up on side, and you're on the other - what's the point? Where's the partnership? He may as well get a 'No girls allowed' tattoo. I think this kind of man never really grew up, was probably allowed to treat his over-indulgent mother like an emotional punchbag for all his frustrations, and follows the same model in his relationships. Almost definitely a manchild. You really want that?

Why did you ever want to marry this prick?

Just bin him and then go to a counsellor to try and work out why you ever thought him and his shit was ever acceptable.

Bloody hell, just call it off. You do not want to tie yourself to this twat.

I'd like to say it never started off like this but to be fair, all the signs were there from the beginning. Constant mind games, mixed messages, petty arguments blown into huge rows, his kids being held on pedestals, his constant critisisms ... I suppose I'm only just starting to wake up

Massive Everything you are saying is so familiar. I can tell you this as well, the older he gets, the more self-indulgent he will become.

People like him suck the joy out of everything.

Please think hard about inflicting this man on you and your DC for another 40 years....

OP how long have you been together for?

About 4 years, it's got progressively worse these past two years I think. I started to detach a few months back ... Normally I'd go out of my way to make up with him after an argument and hated going to bed not talking. Now I couldn't give a shit.

run like the wind MfM!

If he's away for the weekend, that's the perfect opportunity to pack your stuff and go, or pack up his stuff depending on the housing situation. Do leave him a note saying 'It's not good for me to be around this negativity', won't you?

Someone asked before but I don't think you've answered. Whose name is the house in? That really determines how you take the next step.

I think the light bulb in on. Keep talking ... write it down ... gets it in the open and you`ll feel better. Sorry its a crap start to your weekend. Normal couples would miss each other ..

Certainly sounds like you need to use this weekend to fully plan out your immediate escape from all of his drama.

Going on what some of the posters above have said, are you in a position to leave? Also how old are your children? Surely he can't be their favourite person?

Given that you mention his are grown-up I'm hoping that it will be relatively easy for you to get out? Separate assets? Separate houses?

The house is in his name. I'm financially independent though so it wouldn't be an issue to just bugger off

My mother wasted 35 years of her life living with a fuckwit like this. He could have won an Oscar for the adept plotting and direction of his regularly staged arguments and to say he was predictable in this respect was an understatement. She deserved better and I'm 100% certain you do too! Lose him now before you waste any more years of your life. I don't know what your living arrangements are but I'd either be packing my bags or packing his. Either way, he'd be history after this camping trip.

What's your plan? Am assuming that your children live with you.

Good luck