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AIBU?

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Original poster

One night of him has made me question our proposed wedding

143 replies

MassiveFfingMug · 06/08/2015 22:52

DP is going away tomorrow with his adult kids. I was supposed to be going too but decided not to - for one thing I didn't fancy camping and secondly I thought he could do to have a weekend with his kids and I could have a weekend with mine. He seemed over the moon with this and I was chuffed about the arrangements too.
Anyway knowing what an utter twat he can be and the way he loves a fucking drama and to make out that I hate him doing anything with his kids (despite me encouraging this weekend and various other stuff) I thought to myself earlier "I bet he tries to start an argument with me later". Just so he can say "you're in a mood because I'm going away with my kids".

Anyway - idea was that as we won't see each other after tonight until Monday - we'd share a glass of wine and watch a movie tonight. Wine is sat there and he comes in saying he doesn't feel well enough to drink alcohol (despite buying two packs of beer to go away with this weekend). Fine - whatever. He goes off for a shower and I poor myself a drink. He comes down and starts ww3 saying I'm out of order for opening a drink without him. I ask if he wants one - he says no Confused anyway this ridiculousness continues all night until he outright refuses to share a wine with me. Fine, whatever. But no - as he's not getting a reaction from that he starts nit picking - snapping, sarcasm every time I speak ... I ask if he has called the doctor about his urine test and he bizarrely accuses me of checking his text messages. I've resisted the urge to react to his shit all night and he's ginally said IT ... "I've not prepared for this weekend because of you". I asked how it's my fault and he says "you wouldn't have been happy if I'd prepares stuff so I didnt". Absolute shit and you know what, I'm starting to realise that if faced with a lifetime of this or being a crazy dog woman --- give me the kennel number

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 07/08/2015 07:48

I thought you'd posted before but there are obviously many relationships like this one.

It's not good. It won't get better. You won't be any happier if you marry him.

Cut your losses and go while you can.

AnyFucker · 07/08/2015 07:52

so, let's talk wedding days then

flowers ? I do like a white lily myself

You got your frock yet? What are the kids wearing ?

A big do to celebrate your union with this colossal prick ?

Sounds perfect

LeafyLafae · 07/08/2015 07:55

It certainly does not sound like a one off... You were hoping for a nice evening, the idea of which you had already communicated to him, but were anticipating an argument (& pouring yourself a drink, after having offered him one isn't inflammatory behaviour)...
It's not a sign of a healthy relationship to be expecting an argument, treading on egg shells, second guessing what you'll have done wrong next time he starts one...
A wedding will not fix all this. Get out while you can for the sake of your sanity & for your DCs future

Findtheoldme · 07/08/2015 07:59

While he is away trying to be a dad use the time to pack and go. If you marry this man you are a fool. A wedding ring will change things for the worst.

BeaufortBelle · 07/08/2015 08:04

Just a thought. What has he told you about the reasons for his first marriage (if there has been only one) failing? There's probably a pattern here. Patterns are generally repeated. It would be good to know his ex wife/wives side of the story.

And no, of course, don't marry him. If you have doubts before you marry, there will be very harsh realities to face later. Getting married won't make nicer, it will make him feel more secure in his union with you and more likely to do things to upset you and wear you down.

youarekiddingme · 07/08/2015 08:04

I don't think your questioning if you should marry this man. I think you've come to your own conclusion he's a twat and wanted verification from us that your right.

It's clearly not a relationship destined for happy ever after.

britnay · 07/08/2015 08:09

move out this weekend. he's away, so he won't have a chance to make you change your mind. You must have someone who you can crash with for a few days whilst finding somewhere to stay longterm? Even just a b&b.

Again, leave this weekend.

Pseudo341 · 07/08/2015 08:10

Get out asap. Also, try not to engage in any lengthy discussions with him as to why you're going, he'll try to turn it round and make it your fault, he's clearly not going to listen to any explanation that involves him being at fault so there's really no point bothering with it. Just get out.

WilburIsSomePig · 07/08/2015 08:11

OP please don't put yourself through this, get out now. Walking on eggshells is no way to live your life.

grapejuicerocks · 07/08/2015 08:17

Ltb definitely.

msrisotto · 07/08/2015 08:18

It's got worse over the last 2 years - It will only get worse and worse as the years go by.

Don't marry this man, in fact, don't stay with him another minute! He sounds quite unhinged. He can never accept any fault and you will always be the bad guy. Who needs that bullshit? You don't need this drama, you sound like a cool, reasonable person. You deserve someone nice, minimum!

Scoobydoo8 · 07/08/2015 08:22

He sounds like he doesn't know how to father and is nervous of being with his DCs. Does he have a fathering example to copy, was his DF around?

So rather than admit he doesn't want to be with the people in his life who he is supposed to love the best, he gets angry with you. Tries to blame you for his crap relationship with them.

He can't accept who he is, a selfish and self obsessed git, so picks fights with you then tells himself you are the problem in his life, not him.

Clear off and leave him to it.

ThomasRichard · 07/08/2015 08:22

Say you do get married and then decide to get out. He sounds like the type to make a massive fuss about agreeing to divorce on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour, so you would rack up a fortune in solicitors' fees and get nowhere. You would then be looking at a 2 year separation as grounds for divorce and you would still need his agreement. He'd hold that power over you and if you didn't do exactly as he wanted - which would be an impossibility - he wouldn't give his agreement. You would then be looking at a 5 year separation as grounds for a divorce without his agreement. Not 5 years from when you decided he was a muppet, but 5 years from when you had walked out.

Why waste your time and money? Leave now while it's still comparatively easy.

honeylulu · 07/08/2015 08:32

Bin him. That is all.

RedDaisyRed · 07/08/2015 08:33

Do you live in his place or do you own the property you both live in?

LittleLionMansMummy · 07/08/2015 08:33

Why is he providing a urine sample? Could he have concerns about his health? Not that it's an excuse as this is clearly a pattern of behaviour that displays itself regularly enough for you to know it's coming. It sounds like a sad life op and you're right to acknowledge it. Many people, myself included, have their dc/ partner's dc to deal with and don't react this way. It's frankly bizarre. He sounds awful.

JimmyChoosChimichanga · 07/08/2015 08:35

Don't marry him OP. ThomasRichard is spot on - good post.

PenelopePitstops · 07/08/2015 08:40

Use this weekend to leave. Perfect opportunity for you.

perpetuallybewildered · 07/08/2015 08:42

Get. Out. Now.

Hellionandfriends · 07/08/2015 08:45

Move out this week?

FuckOffPeppa · 07/08/2015 08:55

Imagine if you live until you're 90. Even if you're 70 now, that's another TWO DECADES of this shit. Get out now

YouTheCat · 07/08/2015 09:07

Run for the hills!

Panadbois · 07/08/2015 09:37

Sounds like a jerk. Take stock today and think about what you deserve. If you' re happy to live like this, stay. If you're unhappy, make changes. Move out, break up, give him back his ring, whatever.

OTheHugeManatee · 07/08/2015 09:45

I'd be tempted to up sticks and just not be there when he gets back from his weekend away with the kids.

Seriously, this man sounds like a whole bag of dicks. LTB.

nonameatall01 · 07/08/2015 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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