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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep something if my DH hates it

66 replies

Mindexplode · 05/08/2015 12:31

We are in the process of moving house and are clearing out the loft, this has caused some heated discussions on what comes with us and what gets given away/ sold/ taken to the dump etc

Many years ago, before I knew DH I was made an item, and it is beautiful. It means a lot to me and even though I am no longer in touch with the person who made it, having it makes me happy. It lives in bubble wrap in the loft, but previously was out in the house.

DH hates it as it was made for me by a man, and he hates any reminders I had a life before him. I need to remind myself I was a person before I met him and this is part of who I am, I thought it being in the loft was a good compromise.

It's not that big or bulky - So AIBU in keeping it seeing as lots of other things are leaving the house and DH hates it, or am I justified in keeping something that reminders me of my life before DH?

OP posts:
StarlingMurmuration · 05/08/2015 12:36

I'd keep it if it still means something to you.

chipsandpeas · 05/08/2015 12:36

if you like it then keep it

NatashaRomanov · 05/08/2015 12:37

If it means a lot to you, yes, keep it.

This: "DH hates it as it was made for me by a man, and he hates any reminders I had a life before him."
sounds worrying, tbh. Is he that insecure, or possessive over you?

youngestisapyscho · 05/08/2015 12:37

Keep it, and don't hide it in the loft. I have lots of things I had before I met my DH, and we have things in our house that he got in Africa, which he toured for 4 months with a girlfriend, few years before we met. I would never dream of telling him he could not keep them.

Bladdered4567 · 05/08/2015 12:40

It's your item, yes? As in, not a joint one which you bought together that he's now gone off but you still like? If so then I don't really see why he feels he can have an opinion on it. Your item, your rules Smile

DoJo · 05/08/2015 12:41

Does he only hate it because it was made for you by another man, years before you met him? Because that seems like more of a problem than whether you keep the item or not! Can he put into words what it is that bothers him about it, considering you haven't even seen this person for years?

fuzzywuzzy · 05/08/2015 12:44

what is it?

If it's fairly innocuous I'd keep it.

If its a mini sculpture of you and your exbf dtd then I can see why your DH might not want to keep it.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 05/08/2015 12:44

Keep it. Your past has nothing to do with him really.,

MaxPepsi · 05/08/2015 12:48

Keep it.

'My' dining room table was a wedding present from PIL to DH on the occasion of his first marriage. Which wasn't to me!!

Granted it's a fairly innocuous piece but I really couldn't give a shiny shit!

TeenyfTroon · 05/08/2015 12:51

I would run for the hills. Yes, that's a massive overreaction based on my own experience, but pretending you didn't exist before the arrival of your DH is bloody hard work and ultimately not worth the effort.
Given that's advice based on my life, not yours, could you ask someone close to look after it for you?

honeyroar · 05/08/2015 12:52

It sounds as though you really love it. Of course you should keep it. I can't believe your husband is being so wierd about it (unless it's a sculpture of you and an ex in an intimate moment or something!). Having it in the loft is bad enough, but having to throw it away is OTT. He sounds disturbing.

Original poster
Mindexplode · 05/08/2015 12:56

I think my DH just has an issue with the man who made it for me, I was in a strange time of my life at that moment and did some things that I'm not proud off, and I think DH - who knew me just after and knew the man a little bit - doesn't want to be reminded of that part of me.

It's not like my entire life before DH has been wiped out :-)

OP posts:
ofshoes · 05/08/2015 12:57

Keep it. it's not unlike letter or photos I suppose, I have stuff that my ex made for me, it'd be a bit strange to have them on display but in a box in the loft is hardly doing any harm is it?

tictactoad · 05/08/2015 12:57

Has he actually outright asked you to get rid of it?

If not don't open the can of worms just wrap it up and take it with you. If he has, 'no' is a complete sentence.

plantsitter · 05/08/2015 12:58

What is it ?

plantsitter · 05/08/2015 12:59

Also, keep it unless it's a blown-glass sculpture of the other guy's knob or something.

Oldraver · 05/08/2015 13:00

Keep the item, ditch the DH

Uptowngirlz · 05/08/2015 13:00

Mindexplode It's irrelevant that your DH doesn't want to be reminded of that part of your life. It was (is) your life so it's your choice.

Uptowngirlz · 05/08/2015 13:00

plantsitter Grin

SolidGoldBrass · 05/08/2015 13:01

Keep it. It's not up for discussion with your H other than telling him to get the fuck over himself if he starts.

Toffeelatteplease · 05/08/2015 13:06

Keep it. Even if it is entirely inappropriate. It should be on display

Summerisle1 · 05/08/2015 13:10

Unless it is a plaster cast of this bloke's penis - lovingly painted in all its veiny inglory - then of course you keep it. Your DH needs to get over himself.

Roussette · 05/08/2015 13:15

To be honest, if my DH reacted like this over some object that someone who at the time was important to me so he made something, I would want to not keep it in the loft but put it in pride of place on the mantelpiece.

Both my DH and me have a past, it's what makes us the people we are today.

OP, I think you are well on the way to a unanimous opinion on here. And you say it is a beautiful item. Get it out the loft and put it in the most prominent position you can find.

steff13 · 05/08/2015 13:41

Did the man who made it for you not treat you very well? If that's the case, I can see why your husband might not want you to keep it.

What is the item?

TheHouseOnBellSt · 05/08/2015 13:42

I'd think we had real issues if my DH was like this over a gift! You should be able to display it too. He needs counseling.