To keep something if my DH hates it

[Mindexplode]

We are in the process of moving house and are clearing out the loft, this has caused some heated discussions on what comes with us and what gets given away/ sold/ taken to the dump etc

Many years ago, before I knew DH I was made an item, and it is beautiful. It means a lot to me and even though I am no longer in touch with the person who made it, having it makes me happy. It lives in bubble wrap in the loft, but previously was out in the house.

DH hates it as it was made for me by a man, and he hates any reminders I had a life before him. I need to remind myself I was a person before I met him and this is part of who I am, I thought it being in the loft was a good compromise.

It's not that big or bulky - So AIBU in keeping it seeing as lots of other things are leaving the house and DH hates it, or am I justified in keeping something that reminders me of my life before DH?

Well if the OP conspired to rob a bank and murder small puppies with this man, I can understand why he might not wish to be reminded of this part of her life...

Otherwise, keep it!

So I guess I am NBU to keep it

Its not a giant cock, or anything rude I'm afraid, and it doesn't have the mans name or face on it, but it was made by his hands (as far as I know - he was a lying sod) so I like it.

We both have photos and mementos from previous partners and that's not an issue at all, I think its just this one item.

I made DP get rid of his silky Pepe le Pew boxer shorts that were a present from a previous partner. They were wrong for so many reasons.

But a handmade present is totally different. I don't think it is nice to flaunt it - ie put it on the mantle piece but you shouldn't have to get rid of it.

I'd make a compromise with your DH and suggests he keeps something that maybe you don't like very much...?
At least that way, you're even!

cleaning hating any reminders that the op had a life before she met her partner does kind of indicate a tendency towards being controlling to me.(though not by itself of course). It fits with how my dad used to behave to my mum, and he was very controlling.
I wouldn't dream of throwing it away,op. Display it if you like, as long as you're prepared for him to have things that you hate, as well.

Keep it, of course. But maybe ask yourself why you should have it at all if it's hidden away in the loft?

Going against the grain here but..if it's just put away in the loft then is there any point keeping it anyway? I do actually get why he's upset it is like holding on to the past.

My past has made me who I am. Every bit of it is a part of me and I reserve the right to remember and hold on to whatever aspect of it I wish. If anyone tried to get me to expunge it I'd take a very dim view.

Do agree though, that if you love it you shouldn't be keeping it in the loft. What's the point in that?

I am wearing a necklace that I got as a present from a previous partner, I found it in a box and thought it is actually nice! I have no contact with the previous partner but I do like the necklace, I don't see any problem with wearing it and neither does my husband! Definitely keep it and just say you like the actual thing and it has nothing to do with ex

I have a painting in my house which is scenic but it's somewhere OH went with his ex (it's from a photo and another friend - nowt to do with his ex - painted in as it's such a beautiful aspect.

The painting is one of my pride and joys!!!

Keep the item, leave the stupid partner behind.

It sounds a bit worrying when you say that you need to remember you were a person before you met your DH, while he hates any reminders of your live before him and wants to forget you have a past.

Those are both very conflicting things, just on the little you have written here.

I can see that having a beautiful handmade object on display might be odd for him if it's something that people would be commenting on and asking about. If you are frequently having to explain to guests and visitors that the beautiful thing they keep admiring is a handmade gift from your ex, that will keep the object as a visible presence of your ex and your past in the house. That doesn't mean I think he's right, I'm just wondering if that was part of his problem.

But at the same time, he needs to be mature enough to accept that you both have a past history that has helped to shape who you are now, but that you have both moved on from your own separate pasts to your present and future together.

It may be worse for you both, in a way, if you get rid of the item and then regret it. You won't forget the item or the man who made it just because it's not in your house anymore. And it won't undo the bit of your past which your DH hates and wants to forget about. He's placing a lot of significance on this item, but giving it away or throwing it out won't take away any of those issues with it.

And if you regret losing the item, and he can tell that you do, that's going to bother him as well, he'll be questioning why you feel sad over something that's gone and wondering why you can't forget about it.

And you might end up resenting him for forcing you to lose something you valued.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that the absence of the item could be a bigger problem for your both than the presence of the item. Throwing it out or giving it away is not going to fix the issue he has with it, because his issue is really with your ex and whatever happened in your past, and I wonder if he's realised that.

Personally I think your compromise of storing it out of sight is the most he should ask of you.

Keep it if you like it. Dh has stuff i dont like (nothing linked to anyone else, just things i think are ugly). I have a solar panelled plastic £1 flower that waves that is naf as they come and dh hates it but i like it as it makes me smile. It sits on the window ledge (although noticed its now hiding behind a flower pot...). He puts up with that and sure other bits and i put up with bits he has. Its just part of being married to someone. You had a life before your dh. Anyone else thinking of harry met sally and that wheel table...

Enjoy...m.youtube.com/watch?v=GCoKZNFftk8