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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think my SIL over stepped the mark by assuming we'll be inviting her parents to our wedding?

110 replies

lalalemon · 03/08/2015 19:38

We're getting married next September so ages away, but still feel she had no right to even ask let alone assume it will actually be happening!

She is DP's brothers girlfriend, we'd popped in to see MiL who they live with when she asked us if we'd be inviting her parents and six brothers to the wedding 'because you've not got much family have you?'

I've never met said parents/brothers, nor do I know their names! DP has met them for all of about 5 minutes! They are mighty fine chavs and live bloody miles away anyway!

Really put us on the spot, I just kind of went 'oh ermm, we've not decided who we're inviting yet' wish I'd said 'you're lucky your being invited you moron!

Obviously we won't be inviting the rest of her family!

OP posts:
happymummyone · 03/08/2015 19:55

There is an allowed words list?

Original poster
lalalemon · 03/08/2015 19:57

It's not because their chavs that I don't want them at the wedding! It's because I've never bloody met them!

OP posts:
chairmeoh · 03/08/2015 19:59

She hasn't assumed, she asked.
Chav and moron are offensive words.
That said, I agree that it would be odd to invite people you don't know. When you start planning the wedding, either your budget or venue size will dictate how many guests you can have, so you will have plenty of reason not to invite the. Not that you need a reason.

happymummyone · 03/08/2015 19:59

OP you don't need a reason not to invite them! It's your wedding! And you didn't call them chavs and morons did you? You sidestepped her question quite politely I think.

BlueBananas · 03/08/2015 19:59

You're being a tad dramatic!
She just said it in passing, over a year before the day
She didn't make them a fake invite and demand they be bridesmaids!
Calm down, just don't invite them! Confused

Salmotrutta · 03/08/2015 20:00

Careful OP - you'll run out of exclamation marks!!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/08/2015 20:01

But you do feel dramatic when it's about your own wedding.

scribblescrabble · 03/08/2015 20:02

A friend of mine (one with 6 brothers) was telling me about her boyfriends stuck up sisters wedding the other day, I'm sure it was in a village hall aswell! ;)

Original poster
lalalemon · 03/08/2015 20:03

Yes we can only have probably about 80 people in the village hall comfortably, so we won't need anyone extra to pad out the numbers!

It was more that she just put us really on the spot! Apparently she'd already asked MIL same question earlier and put her on the spot as well!

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 03/08/2015 20:03

Do you?

I didn't.

Mind you it was over 30 years ago so perhaps I just don't remember.

Ilovecrapcrafts · 03/08/2015 20:03

Blimey OP. For a small casual wedding it's being planned/ discussed a year in advance! I planned my big formal wedding in 6 months because wedding planning is far too full to do for any longer.

I suspect she doesn't really give a shit wether you invite her family. Just something up say probably

Salmotrutta · 03/08/2015 20:05

That was to ThickAndThin by the way Grin

Original poster
lalalemon · 03/08/2015 20:07

Scribblescrabble, don't actually know how many brothers she's got, only know there's loads, I'm sure it's six or seven though! They're all grown ups though, I cant imagine they'd even be remotely interested in coming to the wedding of people they've barely met anyway.

OP posts:
TheWernethWife · 03/08/2015 20:07

Can't see what the OP has done wrong - she "thinks" that they are chavs and morons. I looked on google and found the following, chav "a young lower-class person typified by brash and loutish behaviour and the wearing of (real or imitation) designer clothes" and moron "a stupid person". What is disablist about that? I call people RAF (rough as fuck) in private, so feel free to flame me if you want.

wheresthelight · 03/08/2015 20:07

Chav and moron are disgusting but calling people a cunt or a wanker is ok...ffs mumsnet gets worse!!

I wouldn't want a bunch of random chavs at my wedding either op so for me you yanbu and you need to be blunt and say you have more than enough people to invite so her "rent a mob" won't be required!

DowntownFunk · 03/08/2015 20:07

Rather than overstepping the mark, your SIL should be doffing her cap to you, eh OP?

It's next September and it's only a wedding. Get over yourself.

lastqueenofscotland · 03/08/2015 20:09

As a thought... If you've never met them how can you be so sure they are chavs and morons?

Original poster
lalalemon · 03/08/2015 20:09

Well I'm pregnant at the mo, so not actually doing a lot of the planning til baby is here. But obviously we've had to book church and venue so we don't lose our date.

OP posts:
Croatianmum · 03/08/2015 20:10

YANBU and of course you decide whome to invite BUT please don't give people nicknames it's sounds very rude.

ohohohitsmagic · 03/08/2015 20:12

Why can't you say chav? not wading in to cause argument but genuinely wondering?

Original poster
lalalemon · 03/08/2015 20:13

I'm not going to go in to why I think they're that word because I'll probably get told off for that as well!

I called SIL a moron not her family, and I know she is, I've had to deal with it numerous times!

And it's not only a wedding, it's my wedding, I'm entitled to be excited about it!

OP posts:
SanityClause · 03/08/2015 20:13

Invite who you like.

But don't be offensive.

MNHQ
YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 03/08/2015 20:15

Hi all,
We have a bit of a prepared answer for when the word 'moron' is reported, just because it has come up before (indeed we are literally about to post it on another thread, it arises so often). So here we go...

Our position on 'moron' isn't black and white. You may remember from this thread (www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/a2027525-Disablist-language-and-deletions?msgid=45884254#45884254), when we had a large on-board discussion specifically about disablist language, there was actually no consensus at all about 'moron' (obviously when clearly not used in an SN-related context), with lots of posters saying they didn't actually think it was particularly problematic.

Our approach to deletions is based on Justine's summary on that thread: are they terms currently, or very recently, used in an ordinary descriptive sense about people with disabilities; and/or are they terms which get used in an unpleasant way by rude or bigoted people to directly demean and belittle people with disabilities.

That thread seemed to us to show that MNers themselves didn't feel that 'moron' necessarily fell into either category. So we take it on a case-by-case basis and only delete if it seems to us to be likely to be interpreted as a deliberately disablist term - which we really don't think is the case in this context. Chav isn't nice either, of course, but if we start deleting everything that isn't nice, well, who knows where we will end up?

Hope that clears things up a bit and we're sorry if our position has seemed a bit muddled - the area of disablist language is a truly thorny one and for better or worse we think it's best to be guided by the consensus that emerged from that thread.

bigbumtheory · 03/08/2015 20:15

Anyone inviting themselves or others, especially ones unknown to the Bride&Groom is overstepping the mark. Why didn't you just say 'No, it will be close friends and family only'? Or say that from now on?

youareallbonkers · 03/08/2015 20:15

How is she your sil?

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