Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DP our relationship is not a RL porn movie?

111 replies

betenoire2012 · 03/08/2015 08:54

DP has been recently saying over and over that he wants a threesome and that he'd try and find a girl who'd be up for it.
Well, the thought of it makes me feel queasy. I'm the mother of his two young DC and having someone else involved in our intimate lives would seriously mess things up for me emotionally.
He's also obsessed with anal sex and is never just content to have "normal" sex.
I'm regularly made to feel like a complete prude even though I do partake mainly just to keep the relationship going. He often remarks that men have affairs if they're not given what they want in the bedroom.
There's no romance in the buildup to our sex and I feel like I could just be anyone.
I can't imagine being with DP for the rest of our lives as he wouldn't know what "making love" was if it came and bit him on the arse. For once I'd like sex to be more than him attempting his own amateur porn video (he doesn't film it thank god!!!).
I told him that he should have more respect for what I want in the bedroom (a fun, romantic experience) and for me I general since I'm the mother of his two children. Which went down like a lead balloon.
Oh, and last year he ordered me an Ann Summers hamper for Christmas four weeks after we'd had our baby son and I had the baby blues. Total disregard for my feelings, as sex at the time was the last thing on my mind.

Is it just my man that's like this or are all men like this to some degree?

OP posts:
SlaggyIsland · 03/08/2015 08:57

Definitely not all men no. That sounds horrendous.

DextersMistress · 03/08/2015 08:58

He sounds disgusting op. It's definitely not normal and I would seriously be considering my future with this arsehole.

Haggisfish · 03/08/2015 08:59

Erm, no, that sounds awful and I would definitely be making plans to ltb.

Aramynta · 03/08/2015 08:59

He sounds incredibly disrespectful. He is using underhand comments like "men will have affairs if they don't get the sex they want" (which is bollocks) almost as a threat.

You have tried talking to him OP, which hasn't helped in the slightest. I would give him an ultimatum.

autumnboys · 03/08/2015 08:59

No, he sounds awful. Does he watch a lot of porn?

3littlefrogs · 03/08/2015 08:59

He sounds absolutely awful OP.
I would be running for the hills.

Fatrascals · 03/08/2015 09:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 03/08/2015 09:01

Nope sorry not all men are like this. Like DH probably likes anal but I tried it once years ago and hated it and he's not mentioned it since. Making you uncomfortable in the bedroom in tantamount to abuse (and I don't say that lightly)

I thinkn you two may be deeply incompatible and you know this. Please, seriously consider leaving him as you can't live like this and I don't know how you have.

pinkyredrose · 03/08/2015 09:01

Christ he sounds hideous. Are you saying you partake in sex acts you don't like to keep the relationship going? Does he bring anything positive to this relationship?

SlaggyIsland · 03/08/2015 09:01

Are you saying you have analysis sex with him even though you'd rather not?
It's actually awful how complete his disregard for your feelings, comfort and enjoyment are.
Probably a daft question but does he watch a lot of porn?

3littlefrogs · 03/08/2015 09:02

Just seen that you are not married.
Can you extricate yourself in terms of finance and property?
Honestly - I would not stay with this man - he sounds really nasty.

DorothyBastard · 03/08/2015 09:02

Yuck, he sounds vile, he has absolutely no respect for you as your own person with valid thoughts and desires. I couldn't be with a man who thought so little of me. Do you think the threesome stuff could be because he has an OW in the wings already?

Phoenix0x0 · 03/08/2015 09:03

He's also obsessed with anal sex and is never just content to have "normal" sex. I'm regularly made to feel like a complete prude even though I do partake mainly just to keep the relationship going. He often remarks that men have affairs if they're not given what they want in the bedroom.

This especially is not normal....using emotional blackmail and pressurising you into doing something that makes you feel queasy is wrong on so many levels.

What do you get out of this relationship?

Finola1step · 03/08/2015 09:03

No, not all men are like your 'D'P. Not by a long shot. You know this isn't going to last long-term. Time to work on your exit plan.

treaclesoda · 03/08/2015 09:03

Not all men are like that, or even vaguely like that. Only ones who disrespect women. Sorry.

AnyFucker · 03/08/2015 09:05

please stop having sex you don't
want to keep this sexually abusive relationship going

you are not a Fucktoy, and no, not all men are like this

real men get pleasure out of giving pleasure

OTheHugeManatee · 03/08/2015 09:05

Nope, not all men are like that. Just nasty misogynists.

defineme · 03/08/2015 09:06

Definitely not all men. His behaviour is vile, as are his comments. Tbh it sounds verging on the abusive. He doesn't see you as a person, you're his property to do what he likes with. I would be refusing sex from now on and going to relationship counselling, but it sounds like he wants to leave the relationship anyway. You would be better off without him. If you can't see yourself with him long term, why are you with him now? Not all men are like this at all. My dh respects every inch of me and has never insisted on anything sexually ever.

Original poster
betenoire2012 · 03/08/2015 09:08

He does watch a lot of porn, yes. Something tells me that is where he learned things as a teenager.
He's a SAHD as I'm the breadwinner. So I'm financially fine. When we've come to breaking point in the past he's said he wouldn't ever leave his kids. Not sure how to turf him out as I don't have any extra cash floating around to pay him to go! We live in France so he'd either have to go back to UK or stay here...which I suppose is his problem not mine!!

OP posts:
GrumpyOldBiddy2 · 03/08/2015 09:08

Sorry OP but your husband sounds like a tosser. Perhaps he needs reminding that women also have the option of looking elsewhere if their needs are not met in a relationship and then told that he needs to sort out his attitude immediately or be shown the door.

how is he in other ways? Worth holding onto or trying to talk into counselling?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/08/2015 09:10

I can't see you wanting or having a future with a man who regards you as nothing more than a vehicle to use as his own human sex toy.

He is a selfish twat, give thought to whether you want to stay with him, he'll keep nagging at you at you until you snap.

whothehellknows · 03/08/2015 09:11

To be honest, it sounds as though he's quite bad at sex, and kind of like he's treating you like a blow up doll. "kinky" stuff in the bedroom can work if your partner can be bothered to turn you on and get you both thinking on the same level-- but it doesn't sound like he's bothered about your pleasure.

He probably thinks a threesome would be more fun for him, but if he can't take the effort to please you then he's got no hope with two women!

I can't see it going anywhere positive.

SideOrderofChips · 03/08/2015 09:11

Erm no....not all men are like that at all. Only cunts.

Morganly · 03/08/2015 09:14

No, definitely not all men. I've never had a boyfriend so selfish and thoughtless. Get rid.

Phoenix0x0 · 03/08/2015 09:15

You do realise that this is a form of control don't you?

He may not be controlling you financially but he is sexually and even emotionally.

I would ask him to leave and carry on his exploits with another willing participant that is not you!