To tell DP our relationship is not a RL porn movie?

[betenoire2012]

DP has been recently saying over and over that he wants a threesome and that he'd try and find a girl who'd be up for it.
Well, the thought of it makes me feel queasy. I'm the mother of his two young DC and having someone else involved in our intimate lives would seriously mess things up for me emotionally.
He's also obsessed with anal sex and is never just content to have "normal" sex.
I'm regularly made to feel like a complete prude even though I do partake mainly just to keep the relationship going. He often remarks that men have affairs if they're not given what they want in the bedroom.
There's no romance in the buildup to our sex and I feel like I could just be anyone.
I can't imagine being with DP for the rest of our lives as he wouldn't know what "making love" was if it came and bit him on the arse. For once I'd like sex to be more than him attempting his own amateur porn video (he doesn't film it thank god!!!).
I told him that he should have more respect for what I want in the bedroom (a fun, romantic experience) and for me I general since I'm the mother of his two children. Which went down like a lead balloon.
Oh, and last year he ordered me an Ann Summers hamper for Christmas four weeks after we'd had our baby son and I had the baby blues. Total disregard for my feelings, as sex at the time was the last thing on my mind.

Is it just my man that's like this or are all men like this to some degree?

Definitely not normal.

He says he'll have an affair if you don't give him what he wants? Let him. Show him the door. Why do you need to pay him to leave? He sounds awful and you deserve so much better. You are not there to service his 'needs'. As others have said, he's abusive and tbh coercing someone into doing things they don't want to engage in is damn close to rape.

Please kick him out.

Out of interest, what's he like away from the bedroom? Is he kind, loving, funny, considerate? Does he change when it comes to bedroom stuff?

The box of Anne summers 'gifts' after the birth of your dc (and you with pnd) makes my heart break for you. He should have been bringing you flowers, a takeaway, dvds, whatever would have brought a little happiness to your day. Not s.ex toys

You need to sort out proper child care and get him off his arse and out to work, even if it just covers childcare. He needs to get out of this little cocoon world and get into the real world and see how unacceptable his behaviour is. He is clearly bored enough to be watching porn in this way all day and not occupied with his children. Working would also occupy his mind in a more healthy way. If this doesn't change then you will already have child care and a job for yourself in place so ask him to leave. He is behaving like a total twat.

Here's my first LTB

Yep I agree he sounds despicable. My OH might suggest things but if I'm not happy or uncomfortable he doesn't push it any further. He'd be out the door in a flash if he threatened me with an affair, knob

Please come back OP.
You are probably reeling from the onslaught here, but you will get so much support and help on here that will carry you through the next days and weeks.

You are in a bad place now, but it will get better and you will be ok.

It isn't normal at all sorry. My heart is breaking for you right now.

He sounds like a right arsehole and one you would definitely be better off without.

HOWEVER. All those simply saying just kick him out without giving any consideration to the logistics of chucking out the children's primary carer are frankly being daft.

They also live in France and I seriously doubt many on here are sufficiently versed in French Family law to be able to add any helpful advice as to whether or not the OP would need to pay him off.

Certainly if this was in this country, he would have a very good claim to be the resident parent in the event of a split, with the OP paying him maintenance.

men have affairs if they're not given what they want in the bedroom
Only if they are complete turds! Decent men don't.
He is being selfish, manipulative, abusive and generally twattish.

You can do whatever you want in bed - anal, threesomes etc - but ONLY when the all adults involved all actively want to. Any hint of coercion or pressure and it shouldn't happen. Sex should be a pleasurable experience where there is as much pleasure from giving as there is from receiving and all boundaries are respected without argument.

He's far from normal op. He's abusing you. You cannot stay in a relationship with this awful man.
You can do so much better and be so much happier.

I am not sure, but I think it will be more difficult for the OP to get rid as she lives in France.

It wouldnt be easy in the UK, tri-froglet.

As SAHD, he is the children's primary care provider and has stated that he won't leave the children.

He may well be an excellent father which is a completely different issue from his completely unreasonable sexual demands. In any case, a split (whilst almost certainly necessary) will be in no way simple.

Here is a site that appears to have advice for women in France who have abusive partners. They should be able to help you throw this man out.
Don't wate any time, money or energy on couple counselling, or asking him nicely to treat you better. He won't. He's worthless.

Not all men are like this, no. My ex was though, and he eventually cheated on my when I wouldn't give him what he wanted. I'd get out now and find someone else more compatible to you. I did!

Well for the minute tell him threesome sounds fine, you'll find a nice willing bisexual man to join you. Ticks all of his sexual boxes to shut him up.

Then make your plans to leave the cock. Being a blowup doll for someone errodes you away confidence wise and you're worth so much more than that. Please don't sleep with him if he's going to go on like that. Never do anything in the bedroom to keep the other happy if you don't want to.

He sounds like the biggest, most evil arsehole to ever walk the earth. Definitely leave him- right now.

Realitycheque has it right.

He's not normal and his behaviour is awful, BUT you need to take care over managing the split if you want to split.

Just saying LTB is easy enough but isn't good advice. If the split goes wrong, you might find yourself paying him to raise your children in another country.

Get him back out to work so he's not the de facto full-time parent (mothers don't automatically get custody, particularly if there's a SAHD) and then stand up for what you want from your sex life or LTB. What a tosser.

As PPs have said, I wouldn't make any move to end the relationship (or even rock the boat much given his comments about affairs) until you've manoeuvred him back to work.

I'd say it's fine and that I'd been thinking about it for a while, but I'd got some ideas of my own. Then, I'd pull the covers back off a pot bellied pig and tell him to get started.

No not all men are like this.
Get shot.

OP here. Everyone has pretty much confirmed my gut feelings about this. Currently forcing myself to enjoy the last day of our holiday as a couple solo (DCs at grandparents), as someone is giving me the silent treatment after I said I "wasn't in the mood" this morning. Love feeling so worthless. Arse.

I was married to a man like this. It never gets better. I finally kicked him out 8 years ago and I've not regretted it once.

because I know just how soul destroying living like this is. I hope you can get out like I did.

Totally agree with pp regarding being very careful about what you do now. The decision is yours and yours alone. But get lots of legal advice regarding the dc. If he is the primary carer, you could end up with a situation where he gets residency. You get eow and one night a week. Do nothing until you know what your position would be under French law and what would happen if he decides to come back to the UK, taking the dc with him.

OP, does France have an equivalent of women's aid? Call them and find out how to remove this man from your home.

Speak to lawyers whatever. Get rid.

I bet you'll find you actually enjoy sex once you're no longer with this person forcing you to service him constantly.

You are not worthless. He is.