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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my reaction to kids picking on my 4 year old

125 replies

Crazedmother100 · 03/08/2015 00:00

I'm wondering if I have behaved very badly. We are on holiday at the moment at a caravan site. 4 year old has been allowed to play outside our caravan this year but obviously has been given ground rules not to go past where we can't see him and he has been good sticking to the rules. He has generally scooted up and down and played in his tent so I didn't see a problem until now.

Unfortunately, he is at that lovely stage of life where he thinks everyone is good and wants to be his friend. I know I did wrong but I took my eyes off him for 5 minutes while I was cooking and he went up to a bunch of older boys (aged between 8-11 I would guess) on their posh scooters with his Thomas the tank scooter and started talking to them. They were really horrible to him. They told him to get lost. He asked them why they were saying that to him and they started chanting things at him. He told them he was 'not their friend' which is his biggest insult and they just burst out laughing at him and all starting singing 'go away'. He came running back very upset and not wanting to go out to play.

I had to coax him out today, I told him it was my fault as I was not watching and some children were not nice but I would watch and make sure he was ok. All good until the group came back and right infront of me, one went up to my son and said to him 'I have a song for you' - my son said 'what is it?' and he pointed in his face and sang 'go away' with the rest of them laughing. I lost it. I screamed at them. I told them how dare they come infront of our caravan to tell him to go away. I'm embarrassed now but I told them this was my child's patch to play on - not theirs , that they were 'vile'. They didn't say anything but quickly scooted away. They have not been back since but one of the dad's has walked past and glared into our caravan. I can't sleep for thinking about it. I wanted to show my son I was on his side but I should have handled this better shouldn't I?

OP posts:
VerityWaves · 03/08/2015 00:02

Maybe it was wrong but I don't blame you ! They were really awfully mean children :(

tvlover1234 · 03/08/2015 00:02

I don't think UABU. I would have done the same!! If the dad walks past again I would have a word and say yes I did fly off the handle at your son and this is why.. As I expect they told their dad a very different story to what actually happened

Samcro · 03/08/2015 00:03

yanbu\they were horrid, just smile at the dad, that will throw him

WorraLiberty · 03/08/2015 00:04

Nah sounds ok to me.

I'm not sure I would have 'screamed' at them but I certainly would have had a go at them.

I wouldn't lose sleep over it either as I'm quite sure they won't be.

WorraLiberty · 03/08/2015 00:05

Also you might well have imagined the 'glare'.

I have a nosey habit of glancing at caravans with doors open, just to see if they're similar to the one I'm staying in.

MammaTJ · 03/08/2015 00:08

I think showing your DS you were on his side was much more important than being bothered about upsetting a bunch of people you will never see again after you go home. Different if you were in your home but you're not!

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 03/08/2015 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 03/08/2015 00:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maggieryan · 03/08/2015 00:15

Horrible little shits. Yanbu. I'd have done the same x

Supersoft · 03/08/2015 00:15

I think you were quite controlled considering.

QOD · 03/08/2015 00:16

Good for you Flowers

ashtrayheart · 03/08/2015 00:18

I would have done the same. It's a horrible feeling when your child encounters meanness like that, it makes me feel all knotted up inside! But it's valuable to them, they learn resilience and that some people can be mean and they do it to make themselves feel bigger. My youngest dds have learned this from playing with the big kids down our road recently!

Original poster
Crazedmother100 · 03/08/2015 00:19

The thing is I will very likely see them again as I own the caravan - we have since ds was a baby and this was the first time I have allowed him to 'play out' and I know at least some of the boys are from another caravan of owners. We have plans of spending most school holidays there.

Also, it was definitely a glare. No mistaking that.

OP posts:
BocaDeTrucha · 03/08/2015 00:21

I'm quite sure I would have done the same of someone had been so unkind to my ds. Good for you for sticking up for him and showing him those boys were very wrong. I hope he finds some friends his own age.

sykadelic · 03/08/2015 00:22

Nope. YWNU. You didn't beat them, you didn't do anything except point out how vile they were being.

I second the notion that you imagined the glare because you're feeling bad about it. Don't. These boys approached your son, who hadn't done anything to them, for the sole purpose of being mean and trying to humiliate him. Horrible little shits. I hope they learnt a lesson!

ashtrayheart · 03/08/2015 00:23

Don't worry about a glare. If they say anything you can tell them exactly what their lovely children did!

BathshebaDarkstone · 03/08/2015 00:28

Kids are horrible. I dread that happening to my DS. Sad

Muldjewangk · 03/08/2015 00:32

I had similar a similar situation happen to my DD then 5, she was quietly playing on her own in the sandpit at a the caravan park we were staying at. These older boys were being really awful to her and one threw sand at her. I stormed over there and in a very loud cross voice (probably shouting) and said "You do not throw sand, you understand," we didn't speak the same language but they understood, said "ja" and all nodded their heads.

OP it's called Mother Bear, when your first instinct is to protect your young. Don't feel bad.

Dontloookbackinanger · 03/08/2015 00:35

I think you did the right thing for your DS.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 03/08/2015 00:49

They were stood outside your albeit temporary home. Upsetting your child. And the claws come on. Well it's called being a mother. So no YNBU.
Kids can be so cruel at times

tarashill · 03/08/2015 00:51

Aren't some children just horrible. Your poor little boy, so innocent at that age. If the father glares again don't miss the opportunity to tell him what his son and friends did. Nasty little sods.

ReginaBlitz · 03/08/2015 00:59

Tbh he is only 4 these were older kids, if they were kids his own age I'd have been more upset for him but 8 and 10 year olds obviously don't want to play with a 4 yr old. Saying that, they were nasty when they didn't need to be I would have told them to fuck off, and as for the glare that would have got the v's.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 03/08/2015 01:03

RE. The father and his big tough hard knock glare at a women.
No wonder is son is acting the way he is. I think the old proverb. The apple never falls far from the tree. Is certainly true in this case.

FastWindow · 03/08/2015 01:05

I've dc aged 5 and 2. Stepbrothers and cousins of my two range from 20, 17, 12, 10, 8 and nearly 6.
All are kind to the young ones.
Your child's bullies have no excuse and I would be pretty angry in your place.

JoandMax · 03/08/2015 01:12

YANBU at all, they were being nasty and fully aware of it and deserved to be called out on it.

If I heard DS1 had ever behaved like that I'd be very glad you told him how awful it was and would be furious with him! I would definitely have a word with their parents if you have any more glares.......