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AIBU?

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Original poster

my reaction to kids picking on my 4 year old

125 replies

Crazedmother100 · 03/08/2015 00:00

I'm wondering if I have behaved very badly. We are on holiday at the moment at a caravan site. 4 year old has been allowed to play outside our caravan this year but obviously has been given ground rules not to go past where we can't see him and he has been good sticking to the rules. He has generally scooted up and down and played in his tent so I didn't see a problem until now.

Unfortunately, he is at that lovely stage of life where he thinks everyone is good and wants to be his friend. I know I did wrong but I took my eyes off him for 5 minutes while I was cooking and he went up to a bunch of older boys (aged between 8-11 I would guess) on their posh scooters with his Thomas the tank scooter and started talking to them. They were really horrible to him. They told him to get lost. He asked them why they were saying that to him and they started chanting things at him. He told them he was 'not their friend' which is his biggest insult and they just burst out laughing at him and all starting singing 'go away'. He came running back very upset and not wanting to go out to play.

I had to coax him out today, I told him it was my fault as I was not watching and some children were not nice but I would watch and make sure he was ok. All good until the group came back and right infront of me, one went up to my son and said to him 'I have a song for you' - my son said 'what is it?' and he pointed in his face and sang 'go away' with the rest of them laughing. I lost it. I screamed at them. I told them how dare they come infront of our caravan to tell him to go away. I'm embarrassed now but I told them this was my child's patch to play on - not theirs , that they were 'vile'. They didn't say anything but quickly scooted away. They have not been back since but one of the dad's has walked past and glared into our caravan. I can't sleep for thinking about it. I wanted to show my son I was on his side but I should have handled this better shouldn't I?

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 03/08/2015 01:14

I don't think you were unreasonable.

Screaming at that was perhaps not ideal but you didn't say anything horrendous and they sound like a bunch of shits.

So what if you see the Dad again? His older children were picking on a four year old. Glare straight back and don't blink

Original poster
Crazedmother100 · 03/08/2015 01:20

Thank you everyone for your comments. I do know my behaviour has been less then ideal but I was so angry at the time. You have made me rest a bit more easy tonight. DS has been very sad today. We keep trying to play it down, saying some children are just mean and not to worry about them but it has really affected him. He keeps repeatedly saying 'do you remember those naughty boys" Why were they nasty to me?'. Heartbreaking but a tough lesson learnt for DS I think.

OP posts:
FastWindow · 03/08/2015 01:27

My 5yo ds is so lovely and has no concept of stranger danger. He'll walk up to people in Tesco and say stuff like 'hi! I'm and today I drew a huuuuge dinosaur! Do you like dinosaurs?'
Obviously in tesco people are nice to him (and I'm feet away so they can't not be nice) but as arseholey as these kids were, you might have just got yourself a very easy life lesson to refer him back to, without any danger posed.
Still angry for him, though Angry

SilverNightFairy · 03/08/2015 01:34

This makes me so sad for your little lad :(. They really are trusting at that age, right? Hopefully, his run in with those badly behaved older boys will soon be forgotten and you both will enjoy a nice holiday together.

bodenbiscuit · 03/08/2015 01:46

YANBU and if my children ever behaved that way towards a 4 year old, which they wouldn't I would be ashamed.

SolasEile · 03/08/2015 04:13

Aw, so sad for your little boy. My DS is nearly 4 and is exactly the same, goes up talking to anyone at the park or playground with no clue that not everyone is going to be nice to him.

I would have been heartbroken for my DS too if that happened to him and I would have seen red when the older kids showed up again to taunt him. Definitely NBU to have words with them but probably better to talk directly to the parents when you've cooled down. I'm afraid to say that when this kind of thing happens with us at the park, I tend towards the passive-aggressive loud parenting approach and say to my DS in earshot of the kids, 'those children aren't being friendly and kind so let's play away from them over here'. A bit pathetic but it makes me feel better! Blush

duckwalk · 03/08/2015 04:28

Little shits! I would have done exactly the same so please don't worry. As for the dad, let him glare....you've done nothing wrong.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/08/2015 04:51

I also think you have no reason to feel bad - you did what you could for your little boy. I'd have done the same, I'm sure! My DS1 is like yours, and has had some disappointments but never quite as bad as that sounds like.

And yes, the dad - how rude is he - no wonder his child can't behave properly!

PeanutsOnTheFloor · 03/08/2015 05:07

The other parents should be embarrassed, not you. I'd be mortified if my children did that.

With a Father like that, no wonder the children were little sh*ts.

temporarilyjerry · 03/08/2015 06:43

Wrt the father, I doubt his DS went back to their caravan and said, "We were taunting a much younger boy and his mother shouted at us."

confusedandemployed · 03/08/2015 06:53

YANBU at all. Your poor little boy. I too would have gone postal. Not ideal but I'm pretty sure I couldn't stop myself.
And I'm with other PP: so fucking what if his dad glared at you? If he ever does day anything, get your reaction ready and tell him just what his little shit of a son did to a much younger and defenceless child.

iluvshoes · 03/08/2015 07:10

Yanbu and I would have gone absolutely mad. Unfortunately some kids are just not very nice. I hope your little boy is ok x

Notso · 03/08/2015 07:15

WRT the Dad, the children have probably just gone back and said "the woman in that caravan told us off for no reason" so I probably wouldn't worry about him or think he is a terrible parent.

I don't blame you for getting cross but you need to think about what you will do if this happens again.
Screaming at children really isn't on and while it is good for your son to know you are on his side, it's really not good for him to see you react in that way. That probably has something to do with why he is dwelling on it so much.
If I were you I would work on some ways your boy can deal with this himself and also some ways you can react more rationally.

toomuchtooold · 03/08/2015 07:19

I'd have called them a lot worse than vile, I think. YANBU, and if the dad is glaring at you he's either an idiot (and the apple didn't fall far from the tree) or he's been lied to by his son.

ahbollocks · 03/08/2015 07:26

I would have done the exact same.
It's not like you hit them or used horrible language and hopefully it's taught them not to mess with your son.

When i was your sons age dome older kids stole my snow sledge and tried to run off with it. My DM jumped in her car and drove AT them, chasing them down the lanes as close as she could without actually hitting them Blush
My poor dad just stood there with his mouth open!
I do remember thinking she was the coolest person I ever met, watching her roll back into our garden with my sledge under her arm Grin

tryingtocatchthewind · 03/08/2015 07:27

If the dad glares at you I'd glare back ten times harder, his kids are little shits not yours.

Stanky · 03/08/2015 07:29

I'm glad that you stuck up for your son, and I hope those bullies think twice before picking on little children. I wish that my parents stuck up for me when I was younger, I was always told to 'just ignore it' when I was bullied. I can see why they said that, but it meant that I was expected to just put up with a lot of shit every day, and I felt worthless. I would have done the same. Funny how the bullies were not so big and tough after you told them off. Give your sweet ds a big hug. Hope he feels better soon.

Hellionandfriends · 03/08/2015 07:31

I would have done the same.

A glare is a funny reaction. He obviously knows what his son is like and was feeling defensive about it. If I had been that bloke, I would have calmly/nicely asked you what went on and then made my DS apologise.

If any of the parents say anything, tell them the kids were bulling your child

And lastly, if you've made those kids reflect, that's a positive thing. They won't all be vile, most will be too intimidated to challenge the leader and so fall in line

Hellionandfriends · 03/08/2015 07:32

Great lesson to your son on speaking up for what's fair

Hellionandfriends · 03/08/2015 07:33

Also great opportunity to talk to your child about moving on and only playing with kids who are being nice

petalunicorn · 03/08/2015 07:43

The trouble is that what they did was within the remits of normal for kids. Stuff like that just does happen and if your dc hasn't seen it before he will at school, which must start in September for him? Children can be very nasty with words, especially when they want nastiness to be undetected by adults, and there are mean children in all schools, it's just more hidden in some schools than others.

What you did wasn't in the remits of normal for adults, screaming at an 8/10 year old and saying they are vile. It was way over the top and you know that. Calmly telling them that it wasn't nice and to keep away is fine, screaming is not.

The problem you now have (unless you are screaming at kids all the time) is that you have underlined that what happened to him was traumatic and worthy of screaming and an extreme reaction, which it wasn't. That won't serve him well at school. Four is a bit old to still think that everyone is nice and wants to be their friend. Ideally you'd start some preparation for school by talking through what to do if someone is mean to him and encouraging play with observation from a distance with children he doesn't know.

MadamArcatiAgain · 03/08/2015 07:45

Oh your poor boy! I can remember clear as day when my eldest was the same age and something like this happened.But they are NOT bullies.It is the way oif the world that there is a kind of pecking order with boys according to age, and sooner or later he has to learn that older boys, particularly those he doesn't know, don't want a 4 yr old hanging round.With younger siblings, they already will have picked up the vibe!!
Yes you did overreact!! Just a firm ' stop that! it is not kind! If I hear that t again I'll tell your parents' would have been more appropriate.Screaming at children who are still little boys and banning them from part of a shared campsite was going too far.

petalunicorn · 03/08/2015 07:46

I don't get all the posters saying this was great, she didn't speak up on what was fair, from her own description she screamed and was out of control. Can you imagine a mum reacting like that at school? Everyone would keep away from then on and kids would laugh at the child later for having a mum that lost it.

whatarethose · 03/08/2015 07:51

Well, you're more restrained than I would be. I can be absolutely vile to other people's children when they deserve it. Definitely throw the Dad a lovely smile.

whatarethose · 03/08/2015 07:52

kids would laugh at the child later for having a mum that lost it.

That's pretty grim. I can imagine what kind of school your children are at.

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