To not want my inlaws to stay while they have their house boat built
rf1990 · 02/08/2015 21:36
basically my OH parents have sold their house and are staying in a caravan whilst they have a boat built but they can't stay in the caravan for 6 weeks over November and December because of the park rules. We have a two bed house and our DD will be just 1YO in October. The problem is they also have 2 Labradors and we have 2 cats it just seems a bit much for a small house. They've said the dogs will be in the caravan in the day whilst they are at work but they want them in the house overnight so they aren't left alone. They have offered to give us £1000 for the inconvenience of it all and DH has obviously already said yes as it's his parents but I'm the one that's home all the time while he's at work and I just know they'll want to spend anytime they have with DD and I'll get less time with her, so me and DH are arguing now as I can't say no but am really unhappy about it all AIBU?
backwardpossom · 02/08/2015 21:42
I don't think YABU, but having said that, we are currently staying at my parents' house (DH, 2xDC and I) while our house is being renovated and there was no question about us not being able to stay. OK, in your situation the pets are a pain, but I'm pretty sure my young DC are a pain too (many things have been broken over the last few weeks...). I think I'd probably grin and bear it in your situation - maybe they'll be able to help you out in some way in the future (or have in the past?!).
Bovnydazzler · 02/08/2015 21:46
Good God this sounds horrific!
Where are they planning on sleeping? Your 1 y.o will be in her own room then surely? They aren't expecting you to break her sleep routine and be in your room for 6 weeks?
or Re they planning on sitting room? Sounds awhuy awkward having to go downstairs (probably early in morning) with your DD disturbing them in bed.
Will they be good or difficult houseguests do you think?
Are they financially struggling, surely another caravan somewhere, medium term b&b locally would be better if they can find it, you don't have the space!
Atenco · 02/08/2015 21:47
The dogs and cats thing is a problem, but if they are working, they won't get that much time with your dd. Why do you want her to yourself 24 hours a day? Most people are glad of a rest from their children so that they can be one hundred percent when they are with them.
NoSOHisadealbreaker · 02/08/2015 22:00
Okay this has to be most people's idea of hell on earth, I'll grant you that, but as possum has shown these things can cut both ways.
Your DH seems keen...surely his wants count for as much as yours? And as Atenco says, surely the hands on with DD is a plus? But if they are at work how much will they be able to take over anyway?
The pets are a real problem it's true and that may be something over which you have to dig your heels in, but for the rest, where there's a will (AND A THOUSAND QUID FFS!!) there's a way, and it seems the only one who's not willing is you
But still I can't find it in me to say you are being unreasonable...
ravenAK · 02/08/2015 22:26
OK, so they google dog-friendly holiday accommodation in the area, & find somewhere that'll suit them.
Then they contact owners & offer £1000 cash for 6 weeks.
Owners avoid having voids in dead season, don't have to do a weekly clean/turn around or faff with emails & keys.
If necessary, eg. if a pricey/touristy area, ILs agree to vacate (& come to you...) by last week December, when owners might get a decent rate for a short let over Xmas.
ILs get more space/freedom, dogs & cats don't get stressed, you don't murder your OH .
MamaAwayOnBusiness · 02/08/2015 23:09
Surely this is what family is for, and you should be able to ask them for a favour back in the future.
I see the pets being the biggest problem, I assume the IL's will be looking after them and cleaning after them? If you share the cooking, cleaning and they do their own washing and help with looking after DD six weeks is totally doable in my opinion. I would ask that they bring minimum stuff with them because the lack of storage and mess can get maddening. Can they use the caravan as a storage place they can access? Plus it would be great for your DD, more people is more fun, and more love.
This is assuming you have an OK relationship with your ILs.
We had a friend sleep on our sofa for three months, and we have an 18mo, living in a two bed, was no trouble at all, the more the merrier I say. He didn't have to pay a penny either. It was a bit of a squash but it wasn't forever, and this is what I think family and friends are for...
Morganly · 03/08/2015 00:18
It sounds like you are stuck with it now. Your H knows you are very unhappy about it so now's the time to lay down all your conditions. For starters, he doesn't spend the £1000 on something of his choice. You are being inconvenienced so you you get a big say in what you do with the money. Maybe put it towards a holiday? That might help you cope with it.
You will need some private time so your H can suggest to them that they give you a certain number of evenings/weekends privacy by going out.
He needs to think seriously about sleeping arrangements, arrangements for the dogs and managing things so as not to increase your cleaning, shopping, cooking, laundry workload while you are looking after your daughter. Don't let him brush you off with a we'll manage. He needs to come up with proper plans that work for you.
If he takes all your concerns seriously and genuinely tries to make it easier for you, I think you should go for it in the spirit of generosity to his family.
Just to add, my SIL, BIL & kids stayed with my MIL when their new build house wasn't finished on time. They lasted 3 weeks before they found a short term rental!
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