Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my inlaws to stay while they have their house boat built

134 replies

rf1990 · 02/08/2015 21:36

basically my OH parents have sold their house and are staying in a caravan whilst they have a boat built but they can't stay in the caravan for 6 weeks over November and December because of the park rules. We have a two bed house and our DD will be just 1YO in October. The problem is they also have 2 Labradors and we have 2 cats it just seems a bit much for a small house. They've said the dogs will be in the caravan in the day whilst they are at work but they want them in the house overnight so they aren't left alone. They have offered to give us £1000 for the inconvenience of it all and DH has obviously already said yes as it's his parents but I'm the one that's home all the time while he's at work and I just know they'll want to spend anytime they have with DD and I'll get less time with her, so me and DH are arguing now as I can't say no but am really unhappy about it all AIBU?

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 03/08/2015 09:50

I meant not

SuperFlyHigh · 03/08/2015 09:53

Park rules you say??!! so this means the dogs can stay there whilst they can't in Nov/Dec? I would seriously double check that side of things.

LazyLohan · 03/08/2015 09:57

If they kennelled the dogs I would let them stay.

Iforgottotellyou · 03/08/2015 10:00

I think we need more information
Are they full or part time? So how much of your daily routine will they impact on while dh is at work?
What is the money for - is that just a bonus payment to treat yourselves with
or is that instead of them paying rent and chipping in for food? ( If so it is nowhere near enough!!).
Keeping dogs all day in a caravan sounds cruel.

OnlyLovers · 03/08/2015 10:02

DH has obviously already said yes as it's his parents

There's nothing 'obvious' about this at all. It's your house too and, as you say, you're the one who will actually be impacted most by it.

Tell him no. He can tell them no.

CruCru · 03/08/2015 10:05

YANBU.

If it were me, I would say that the dogs had to be in kennels for the whole time. This will cost more than £1k. If they are like lots of dog owners I meet, they will hate this and may find somewhere else to stay.

ahbollocks · 03/08/2015 10:11

But you really don't have the space do you? I'm sure they could find a dog friendly holiday cottage for 1000 over winter

Sometimesjustonesecond · 03/08/2015 10:13

I think that when you live alone you can do whatever you like wrt having your parents stay etc. But when you live with your partner, you can't make unilateral decisions regarding your shared space.

I also suspect this £1000 is the ils contribution towards living expenses. I don't think it's a separate payment and the ils will contribute more towards food.

If this was me, I would make my dh go back to them and say that he hadnt discussed it with you and you dont feel there is sufficient room and you dont want the dogs in the house. If your dh feels awkward then good - it will remind him to consider you in future.

There is no way on earth I would have had my ils living in my house for 6 weeks while my dh went off to work every day and left me to it! As a compromise I would agree to a couple of weeks but def no to the dogs.

yorkshapudding · 03/08/2015 10:18

I would be very upset if DH agreed to host anyone for 6 weeks without at least giving me a heads up. This should have been a joint decision or at least a negotiation before he told PIL's it was OK.

As he has agreed to it now I very much doubt he'll change his mind but you can still lay down some ground rules. Since he made this decision without any regard for your thoughts and feeling the least he can do is agree to a few concessions to make it more manageable for you.

Firstly, the dogs. I would not back down over this. It is entirely unreasonable to expect two cats to live in the same two bed house as a couple of large dogs for 6 weeks. They need to put them in a kennel or find someone else who is willing to take them.

Where will they be sleeping? In the baby's room? With you and DH?? Has he thought about this at all? Assuming your little one is in her own room by then I would make it very clear that you will not be upsetting her routine so PIL's will have to sleep in the living room.

The 6 week timescale. We all know that when you're having building work done you add on an extra couple of weeks go any timescales they give you (especially in the winter where bad weather is likely to cause delays) so it could be 8-10 weeks, maybe more. I would be telling DH that he has agreed to 6 weeks so 6 weeks it is. If their place isn't finished by then they can book into a B&B. I know it sounds harsh but if you aren't clear on this it could go on indefinitely and it will be so much easier for you to cope with everything if you know there is an end in sight.

Having two extra people in the house creates more work. Cleaning, cooking, washing etc. DH has gone over your head and made this decision so he should be bearing the brunt of that.

TwistInMySobriety · 03/08/2015 10:24

I have my PILswho live abroad to stay for two months every year. It's a bit of a pita but it's what family is for and it's great for DS.

RabbitsarenotHares · 03/08/2015 10:25

I'd have less problem with the humans than with the dogs. I love dogs, but I have a cat myself and there is no way I'd bring dogs into her house. My biggest fear is that she'd run off and I'd never see her again. My best deal in your case would be to spend some of the £1000 on a shed for them, and make it clear the dogs are not allowed into the house, nor off the lead in the garden. And the first sign the cats are upset the dogs are to go elsewhere.

(I was, once, in a similar position where friends wanted to come and stay the night on their way somewhere. I said they were more than welcome, but the dogs would have to stay in their car overnight. They assumed this would be the case anyway, and were more than happy with the arrangement.)

Rjae · 03/08/2015 10:32

I can't can't understand the hysteria ? It's only a few weeks. If they were your parents in the same situation would your reaction be the same? If they are out all day working what is the issue? I am sure they won't expect you to cook and clean for them. The dogs will be out of the way during the day. You and dh will have some free babysitting at the weekend and with the extra £1000 you can go away for a weekend or two. DD will have extra playing with her GPs and give you a break.

redshoeblueshoe · 03/08/2015 10:51

Rjae - do you really believe the dogs will be in the caravan ? The caravan park is closed for the winter. That means closed to dogs. They did not have the decency to discuss this with the OP, her DH did not have the decency to discuss it with her. The money is for their keep, so why should they be spending it on kennel fees or a shed.
They can afford to rent somewhere or stay somewhere, but they want the OP and her DH to subsidise them. selfish twats I think it will be longer than 6 weeks as well.

Berthatydfil · 03/08/2015 11:23

I think the dogs are the deal breaker if pils are out Monday to Friday's 8 to 6 at work it's only going to be 6 weekends.
That's doable if you have some ground rules like they babysit Friday night and go out all day Saturday or Sunday on their own to give you family time.
I agree that it is unlikely that the caravan park will allow the dogs to be left in the caravan while the park is closed. I suspect it's due to ensuring its not treated as a permanent residence and the legal status changes. It might be an idea to check the sites t&cs yourself to see what they do and don't allow and the closure dates to make sure the dates are the same as you've been told.

Ask to see if they have the site owners permission in writing ?

It's also likely that for insurance the caravan park will insist on all heating and water bring turned off and drained to prevent leaks etc if is very cold to prevent bursts so even if they are able to leave dogs are they really going to want to.

Also how far away is this site - are they really going to be able to take dogs there each morning and get yo work? How likely is it that they will be in a rush one day and not have time and then another day and then before you know it dogs are at your house 24/7.
Anyway staying overnight is probably too much anyway with cats.
Labs are big dogs and 2 in a small house is 2 too many.
Have you got a shed or a garage you can set up for them? Is your garden secure ? Can you fence off a section as a run for them?
If not the pils must pay for any alterations.

Icimoi · 03/08/2015 11:23

Ici - why on earth should they use the money to pay for kennels ?

Because it's a sensible compromise that disposes of OP's biggest problem with this proposal? I only suggested using some. Also, it's meant to be compensation for inconvenience, and this would remove the main area of inconvenience.

redshoeblueshoe · 03/08/2015 11:33

Surely the money is to cover food/gas/electricity - and 2 dogs in kennels would be more than £1k.
The biggest problem isn't the dogs - its that no-one could be arsed to discuss this with the OP. They are all showing her exactly what they think of her nothing.
Where are they going to sleep ?
Why did they sell there house when they knew they had no where to live over the winter ?
Anyway they said the dogs are staying in the caravan - so they have clearly lied to her as the park is shut for the winter.
They are both working - they have just sold their house - why aren't they just renting somewhere ?

OnlyLovers · 03/08/2015 11:43

The biggest problem isn't the dogs - its that no-one could be arsed to discuss this with the OP. They are all showing her exactly what they think of her nothing.

This is it in a nutshell.

Minicaters · 03/08/2015 11:47

6 weeks off season boarding, I bet kennels would negotiate on price. I think kennels are a sensible compromise, albeit one the ILs might refuse.

I can't see how the dogs would be allowed on a closed caravan site either.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/08/2015 11:53

November and December? I really don't think anyone's thought this through... what if it snows and is inaccesable (sp?)/very cold etc? preparations for Christmas/cold weather etc are bad enough without IL's looking over your shoulder... and complaining about being freezing

I suppose I might if I was given an assurance they'd cook/clean/wash for themselves but as someone else said where will they stay? It seems to me most likely (correct me if I'm wrong) that they expect your DD to give up her bedroom so then plays havoc if you've already got her sleeping alone etc. even if they stay on a sofabed in a living room a few days or a week yes, 6 weeks no. do you have a separate living room?

StaceyAndTracey · 03/08/2015 11:53

I'm not an expert, but is it really Ok to leave two large dogs in an unheated caravan in winter for 9 hours ? Without getting out to pee of for a walk ?

SuperFlyHigh · 03/08/2015 12:01

same as onlylovers says total disregard of her feelings how would her DH or her ILs react if this was dumped on them with no consultation??

TheRealAmyLee · 03/08/2015 12:17

Hang on they said the "dogs would be in the caravan for the day" So the caravan is a tourer? Presumably will be parked on your drive? Would they sleep in there? If they slept in the van (which is apparently fine the rest of the year) and just came in for meals/on super cold nights I think it would be more manageable. That is assuming they took some load of you and did some cooking etc.

Still not on for your Dh to agree without consulting your regardless.

musicalendorphins2 · 03/08/2015 12:25

It isn't fair to do that to the dogs or to you. I wouldn't want the money, just for them to find the dogs a good place for the dogs. Would be more logical, and comfortable for everyone if they rented temp. accommodations though.

outtolunchagain · 03/08/2015 12:42

Agree with all the comments re dogs , not speaking to OP etc , but is anyone else fascinated by the idea that they are building a houseboat , a houseboat FGS, how do you keep two labs in a houseboat?I know there is a mumsnetter who lives on a houseboat but I had never thought of building one .

specialsubject · 03/08/2015 12:56

well beyond a favour.

Find an out of season holiday cottage (many take animals) and do a deal.