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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my inlaws to stay while they have their house boat built

134 replies

rf1990 · 02/08/2015 21:36

basically my OH parents have sold their house and are staying in a caravan whilst they have a boat built but they can't stay in the caravan for 6 weeks over November and December because of the park rules. We have a two bed house and our DD will be just 1YO in October. The problem is they also have 2 Labradors and we have 2 cats it just seems a bit much for a small house. They've said the dogs will be in the caravan in the day whilst they are at work but they want them in the house overnight so they aren't left alone. They have offered to give us £1000 for the inconvenience of it all and DH has obviously already said yes as it's his parents but I'm the one that's home all the time while he's at work and I just know they'll want to spend anytime they have with DD and I'll get less time with her, so me and DH are arguing now as I can't say no but am really unhappy about it all AIBU?

OP posts:
Looserella · 03/08/2015 13:02

No way, never. Even if you had a huge house. And definitely no dogs, your poor cats.

WayneRooneysHair · 03/08/2015 13:16

No. Fucking. Way.

YANBU OP, thinking of living with my lovely inlaws and their dogs for six weeks gives me palpations.

Dynomite · 03/08/2015 13:43

Depends on your relationship with them. I would do it for my in laws because I get along with them. Presumably they can sleep in the living room. The only problem I see are the dogs, 2 dogs, 2 cats and a small child all in one house sounds like a nightmare.

And I think it's a bit odd that your objection is that you won't get to be alone with your daughter all day.

StarsInTheNightSky · 03/08/2015 16:17

No way on Earth. YADNBU! We live overseas and occasionally have friends to stay for two weeks, but that's pushing it and they don't stay in the main house either. I wouldn't have guests, whoever they are, to stay in our home, DH feels the same thankfully.

StarsInTheNightSky · 03/08/2015 16:18

Oh, and we definitely do have the space, just not the inclination.

ReggaeShark · 03/08/2015 16:23

My in laws would ask this. I would say no and accept the flack. Hyperventilating at the thought.

Glitteryarse · 03/08/2015 16:28

Take that £1000 and go away on it!

StaceyAndTracey · 03/08/2015 16:32

Good plan . Take the money and move to your mothers / sisters / best friend for the 6 weeks

Take the baby, leave the cats, dogs and IL for Dh to look after . Sorted

StaceyAndTracey · 03/08/2015 16:33

And of course use the money to go somewhere hot for 2 weeks with your sister / mother/ friend

catlover97 · 03/08/2015 17:10

I don't think how much Pil v op's parents/liking v not liking them comes into it...for me it would a)be a deal breaker DH had made such a decision with no thought for me and b)regardless of who they are/how much you like them the likelihood is that you'll want to stick pins in yourself or them after about a week. Don't do it for your own sanity FlowersWine

alltouchedout · 03/08/2015 18:18

I'd say no, mainly on the grounds that dogs do not live in my house. No exceptions.
(The ILs sound like poor dog owners anyway. They are going to leave their dogs alone in a caravan all day? Even I know that's appalling and I am so not a dog person.)
I'd be furious with my DH over this, absolutely furious. Not with the ILs so much (although later on I suspect those dogs will be living in your house day and night and at that point I'd be raging), but my DH would be on my shit list.

cosmicglittergirl · 12/08/2015 20:35

What was decided OP?

ohtheholidays · 13/08/2015 10:16

YANBU my god surely it would be carnage!

What if like other posters have stated and it takes longer than the 6 weeks they've stated?Then what do you do.

Would they expect to be with you over Christmas as well?Generally people usually have less room in they're houses in December at least for a week or two on the run upto Christmas,what with all the decorations,presents for everyone,all the wrapping stuff.

2rebecca · 13/08/2015 10:34

I'd say no and would be unhappy that they hadn't decided where to stay when they sold their house and arranged all this. This isn't last minute homelessness.
I would never have dogs in the house anyway so even if I had visitors the dogs would have to go elsewhere.

BlackeyedSusan · 13/08/2015 10:56

who will buy the extra food? (dp/inlaws?)
where will you store it? is your fridge usually full after you have shopped if so someone will need to do an extra shop in the week. (ie dp/inlaws)
do you have cupboard space for the dry goods? is there room to store them
do your inlaws eat the same as you? if not how are they going to cook their different food at least part of the time?
are you expected to cook for them or is dp?
how big is the second bedroom? do you have stuff stored in there? do you want the inlaws to have access to it? if not where will you put it? who is going to clean round the stuff it is in your room. will there be room in your room for extra stuff if dd's cot will be in there? and who is going to shift it all and clean around it? (dp)
where will inlaws store their stuff?
who will do the extra cleaning? (pil/dp?)
can you get everyone through the bathroom in the morning in time for work?
will the pil be using the bathroom early or late at night disturbing you?
where will the dogs sleep and who is going to do the extra hoovering and cleaning they will cause?
how are they going to guarantee the carpet/floor will stay clean enough for dd to play on? that no toys will be chewed by dogs, or other inconveniences caused by having dogs that are pets.

will you be disturbed by early morning/late night dog walking?
where will the dogs wee and poo? your garden? who will clean it up and remove all traces of poo so dd can go out there.
will the pil staying interfere with dd's bedtime routine?

BlackeyedSusan · 13/08/2015 11:13

h visited pils and came back saying he thought it was a good idea that I went back to work... I pointed out all the extra stuff he would have to take on while I worked full time. (his own laundry, picking up and dropping off the children at childminder's/ nursery, preparing the tea, doing lots of childcare at the weekend while I worked on planning/marking, shopping, cleaning at the weekends,, washhing up, starting tea as he would be in first, less family time at the weekends)

He went off the idea pretty quickly all by himself. I suspect that dp will go off the idea when you lay out all the extra stuff and inconvenience he will have to suffer due to his decision.

ps where are they going to do their laundry and where are they going to dry it. will it have an effect on the dampness/coldness of your house having extra damp washing.

mintpoppet · 13/08/2015 11:23

They're family. It's what family does. Suck it up. It might come to being that you need their help. Redundancy etc. 6weeks as a one off is very doable. If they want to spend time with dd then let them. You go and read in a cafe or go to the cinema, do jobs etc.

2rebecca · 13/08/2015 11:44

It's not what family does in my family. If my dad decided to sell his house and buy a boat instead I'd expect him to think about where he'd stay whilst the boat was built in advance and factor cost of accomodation in to whether or not he can afford the boat. We might discuss him staying with me or my sibs but this would be done in advance not at the last minute after he'd sold his house
You should give your family the same amount of consideration and respect you give non family. Taking advantage of your family and piling crap on them is the reason so many families fall out.
I don't have dogs in my house. If my dad got a dog he would be told the dog goes in kennels if he visits (but he knows me well enough to know that).
This all should have been discussed when the boat project started.
These relatives will have known about the park rules when they booked the caravan and should have sorted out where they (and their dogs) would go for those weeks.

mintpoppet · 13/08/2015 15:41

Surely you should give your family MORE consideration 2rebecca. They are family. I find it sad that you wouldn't.

2rebecca · 13/08/2015 16:40

OK more, but these inlaws were giving the OP LESS consideration than they'd give nonfamily by expecting to stay with 2 large dogs in a house with no spare bedrooms for over 6 weeks because they hadn't bothered to organise somewhere to stay for a planned event at a busy time of year. The inlaws are the ones needing to be more considerate of their family not the OP.

BlackeyedSusan · 13/08/2015 16:51

they gave her so much consideration she wasn't even bloody consulted.

BarbarianMum · 13/08/2015 17:02

As BlackEyedSusan has pointed out, lots of details to be discussed before anyone could possibly thing the OP is being unreasonable to be apprehensive.

Shelby2010 · 15/08/2015 20:22

Interesting the number of posters who think the PIL are unreasonable to expect to be put up, but at the same time recommend the OP takes herself & DD to stay uninvited with one of her relatives for 6 weeks....!

Personally I think I'd put up with the PIL on condition that other arrangements were made for the dogs.

NiceBitOfCheese · 15/08/2015 22:23

We stayed with my ILs while househunting. No DCs at the time, no pets between us either, and we had most of our stuff in storage. At the time they made the offer none of us had any idea how long it would be for - it turned out to be 4 months!

There was tension sure, but we're still speaking. They wouldn't take any money, so bought them a suitable, substantial and much appreciated gift when we moved out. They did the cooking, we did our own laundry, DH helped his Dad with the garden and house maintenance, and other than that we kept out of their way as much as possible.

I'm sad to read how many people on this thread wouldn't even consider giving them houseroom in the circumstances. I'm not suggesting this arrangement will improve the quality of your life, but with some sensible groundrules there's no reason why it shouldn't be bearable for 6 weeks.

Nevercallmehun · 15/08/2015 22:35

Me, Dh and 2yr old DS stayed with Mum in her big 5 bed house for 2 months when we were left homeless when the vendor pulled out of a house move. I love Mum and we're very close, she adores ds above all others. It was still horrific. You are so right to be apprehensive.