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AIBU?

To not want my inlaws to stay while they have their house boat built

134 replies

rf1990 · 02/08/2015 21:36

basically my OH parents have sold their house and are staying in a caravan whilst they have a boat built but they can't stay in the caravan for 6 weeks over November and December because of the park rules. We have a two bed house and our DD will be just 1YO in October. The problem is they also have 2 Labradors and we have 2 cats it just seems a bit much for a small house. They've said the dogs will be in the caravan in the day whilst they are at work but they want them in the house overnight so they aren't left alone. They have offered to give us £1000 for the inconvenience of it all and DH has obviously already said yes as it's his parents but I'm the one that's home all the time while he's at work and I just know they'll want to spend anytime they have with DD and I'll get less time with her, so me and DH are arguing now as I can't say no but am really unhappy about it all AIBU?

OP posts:

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BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 03/08/2015 00:30

So that's a six week break you'll be taking abroad on your own with kiddo, right?

Four adults
Two labradors (which will NOT be left in the caravan during the day)
Two cats
One one-year old

In a two-bedded house.

If you care about your relationship with your husband and the one with your in-laws then do not let your husband get away with this shit. He gets to make a decision about something really, REALLY important involving you all and you are not even consulted? A hanging offense that is.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 03/08/2015 00:38

"YABU! It's only for 6 weeks. They're paying their way. I think it's really mean to resent it before it's even started."

A grand is not "paying their way". To my mind it's a gross imposition and a completely unreasonable request. Most family would not see relatives on the street if their own home had been flooded or some other dire emergency but this is a choice the in-laws have made. For a grand they can stay in a B&B or hotel, or rent a flat/house for the duration. Having a boat built and they're effing cheapskates!

"Sure there will be some irritating things and some downsides. But why wouldn't you help someone if you can?"

Some downsides? I can't think of a single up-side to this arrangement. There's no room for them and it's over Christmas as well. The cats will leave home. The only way this would would is if the OP, husband and child moved out for six week! It's a bloody cheek to ask and a gross imposition. Husband is an arse to have agreed to their request without consulting his wife first.

OP tell the lot of them to fuck right off!

TheAnswerIsYes · 03/08/2015 01:03

Your husband is an arse for agreeing it without talking to you first. No fucking way would I agree to this and my husband knows that I would go ballistic so would no way decide something like that on his own.

I would possibly let my in laws stay (urgh) as a compromise but not the dogs.

CalmYoBadSelf · 03/08/2015 01:07

If I had to have my ILs live here for 6 weeks, I would be taking a long walk off a short pier and that's before I even consider the dogs

It's a MN cliché but "No is a complete sentence"

missnevermind · 03/08/2015 01:17

Can they put the caravan in your garden for the 6 weeks. This is what we have been doing with my Mum and Dad for the last few weeks. They usually come for a couple of months over Christmas for the same reason.

FrankTurnersGuitar · 03/08/2015 01:27

Just say no.
A week would be bearable, but 42 days and nights, just no.

Phoenix0x0 · 03/08/2015 06:54

If it was just the IL's then maybe still would not be happy.

However, it's the dogs and cats that is the issue. You don't mention if you have pets yourself (I assume that you don't), but how will you manage the dogs and your DD? I assume your IL's wouldn't like them put into another room so that your DD can play?

I think you need to speak to your DH and discuss the above.

The idea of letting them use their caravan in your garden is a good one.

GoooRooo · 03/08/2015 07:00

I think you're stuck with it now your DH has agreed unless you're prepared to possibly cause a rift.

I'd take the £1,000 and book to go away for some of the six weeks.

southernskies · 03/08/2015 07:08

YANBU.

It will be hell trying to manage the dogs and your DD.

SanityClause · 03/08/2015 07:37

Really? People think this is so cut and dried?

It's only 6 weeks. I agree it will be a squash and a squeeze, but isn't it the sort of thing people do to help out their family? Would people be so adamant if it was the OP's parents that wanted to stay?

Of course it will need to be fine to discuss various house rules. Maybe the dogs must always be in the kitchen at night. That kind of thing.

But I can also see advantages for the OP. She could get the GPs to look after the little one, while she does a bit of Christmas shopping. Or just the ordinary household shopping. Or has lunch with a friend! Or goes out to dinner with her DH.

My own PIL are far from easy people, but I would do this, as it's what normal families do.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 03/08/2015 07:44

it's what normal families do

It's what your family do.

Neither my parents nor my in-laws would dream of requesting this. It's not what our family do. Nor would my friends' families.

So my normal is different to your normal.

Happy for you to think what you like, but deciding that your personal approach is the benchmark for normal is a bit much, no?

ArgyMargy · 03/08/2015 07:45

Phoenix she did mention her pets - the cats are hers!

OP the main objection you mention is six weeks of having less of your DD's attention. In which case YABU.

yomellamoHelly · 03/08/2015 07:47

It'd "break" my relationship with them tbh. Took a shorter period of time here to do that.

Phoenix0x0 · 03/08/2015 07:50

I hadn't realised the cats were the OP's.

I still think there needs to be a lot of discussion.

The dogs are not used to living with a toddler/cat and vice versa. Where will the dogs stay etc?

swimmerforlife · 03/08/2015 07:58

I agree with Sanity, yes it's not going to be a barrel of laughs but it's not going to be god awful either. Whatever happened to supporting family 'n all that jazz.

Do people really hate their PIL that much that they will rather see them out on the street. It's not like they are freeloading either.

Think about the free babysitting

FishWithABicycle · 03/08/2015 07:59

Not a chance! 6 weeks of hell. They could definitely get 6 weeks of off-season holiday let for that £1000.

redshoeblueshoe · 03/08/2015 08:03

Why do people think they are being generous paying £1000 ? Especially as they are both working.
Your DH is being totally inconsiderate.
Where do they expect to sleep ? I don't believe they will keep the dogs in the caravan, as if they could they would just stay there themselves.

Eva50 · 03/08/2015 08:04

It's only 6 weeks and 6 weeks at that time of year will fly. Dd can sleep in with you and they can have the other room. I can see that the animals could be a bit of a problem but surely not insurmountable. Do you have outside space. You can discuss the shopping, cooking, cleaning etc between you with dh picking up their slack.

You need to just carry on as usual and let then fit in and tell dh you need a spa day at the weekends.

ollieplimsoles · 03/08/2015 08:07

Your DH is insane!!!!!!

I cant believe he okay'd this without properly talking to you! Two fucking dogs, 4 adults and a one year old in your house for six weeks (they WILL be there longer btw)
They need to make their own arrangements!
What if the dogs and your dd don't get on?

juneau · 03/08/2015 08:08

Five people and four pets in a 2-bed house for six weeks? No fucking way!

juneau · 03/08/2015 08:12

The dogs will end in the house during the day too. You wait. You go out for five mins and the sodding dogs will be in 'Oh we didn't think you'd mind as you were out'. And what if its bitter cold (as predicted this winter - its an El Nino year)? I bet if its sub-zero and there's ice and snow they'll be telling you the caravan is too cold for the dogs. And then there's the issue with them supposedly moving back into the caravan FT in January, the coldest point of the year ....

Lashalicious · 03/08/2015 08:12

No, no, and no. You will not get a second's peace. Your home will no longer be your home, it will be weird, awkward, and VERY unpleasant, quite possibly a virulent sort of hell. Don't do it!

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juneau · 03/08/2015 08:15

And your DH is an arse for saying 'yes' without running this by you first. Its your home FGS.

If it was me I'd use the dogs as the main reason for saying 'no'. Your cats will be massively stressed out by having two strange dogs in their house for six weeks. They'll pee everywhere - I guarantee it.

StaceyAndTracey · 03/08/2015 08:22

What raven said - they need to get a holiday let

Sigma33 · 03/08/2015 08:25

DH should have discussed it with you first.

However...

I think it depends on your (and DH's) relationship with PILs. Do you think they can respect previously agreed ground rules? If so, think it out beforehand, and go into detail.

What hours will they be at work, and what at home? What is going to happen re: cooking, cleaning, laundry etc? Where will the dogs be, and what if it snows? (how much does a garden shed cost?)

What would make it bearable for you? PILs babysit 1 night per week so you and DH go out together? A spa day every weekend? How can that 1,000 be used to make it an experience that makes you appreciate each other (by taking time out ) even if sometimes you have to grit your teeth, rather than never speak to each other again?

If there is no way this side of hell freezing over that you will still be on speaking turns at the end of it, then you need to have a tough conversation with DH

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