To be annoyed when my OH picks up calls from his ex wife during our dare night

[Belame]

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed when my OH picks up calls from his ex wife during our date night?

I've been seeing my bf for 3 years. He's been married before but his wife left him for another guy, despite the fact they had a 3 yr old boy. Time have passed and my bf being honorable man that he is, aged for her to keep the house for the sake of his ds. She's been nothing but horrible to him, kicking him out of the house, throwing his clothes out etc. Is been quite acrimonious and horrible at the time. In the meantime, the moment he's moved out she moved her new man in.

We've been seeing each other for quite some time, we don't live together but try to see each other 4-5 times a week. Obviously because of our busy work life I don't get to have a lot of date nights but when we do, we always have a nice time.

That's until she finds. And she always rings. She finds during our dinner together, she rings during our trips out. It's always the same thing, some sort of a stupid question or query. Whilst I know they have a child together, it's really annoying for me, because I just want to have our time together. But he ends up picking up, and it ends up annoying me. I end up being frustrated by constant reminders of her.

Am i being unreasonable to ask him to switch phone or not answer when we are having our date night?

4-5 times a week is quite a lot to see someone when you have a child to someone else, he's bound to have phone calls in that time. They have a child together, try and be a little more understand

Just read my comment and realised it sounds like I think you see him too much - I'm not saying that at all but what I meant was that you can't expect him to be unavailable in such a large chunk of the week. HTH

Metalguru Very sensible post. I feel sorry for those posters who seem so enslaved to their phones they feel they have to pick up every call whatever the situation 'in case it's an emergency' without any thought there may be other ways to manage these things (as you suggested).

YANBU OP. What is there to like in a man answering 'phone to his ex-partner every time he is with you? But tbh its that way because they both want it that way. & there probably isn't much you can do about that. I can't think of a reason why the fact they have a child together means he must be on call like the 4th emergency service 24/7 which is actually ridiculous but again, its what they both want and thats why it happens. They don't need to talk every day but they want to, and thats the dynamic.

So often women are accused of wanting to "come first". Its not about wanting to come first...!Its about being treated respectfully. & its not respectful if a man you are in a relationship with is constantly on the 'phone to his ex, even if they have a child together. Sitting there watching/hearing him in conversation with his ex..? What do you do, sit quietly waiting patiently for him to finish talking..?

Personally Id butt out and leave them to it. You are wasting your time with this man. If he wanted to be "solely a father" he wouldn't have got with you would he, but as ever such men want to have their cake and eat it...his child and his actions are the "get out clause" so he will never fully commit to you.

Respect yourself. Walk away and leave them to talk about their child or whatever else they talk about every day, if they so choose.

For a man like that I wouldn't have all my eggs in 1 basket thats for sure

oh dear. when I posted earlier I'd missed the fire scenario. That does make me bail on any sympathy. OBVIOUSLY if his child is in a fire he will save his child. Heaven forbid obviously. But OP, would you expect him to put you first

Well, YANBU in relation to the phone calls. But you've changed the tone of the thread a little with the fire analogy. Do you seriously expect him to "put you first" to the extent that he would leave his own child to burn whilst he rescued you? I can't imagine any parent anywhere would do that.

TBH, I can't imagine any adult who would leave any child and rescue other adults first.

I agree with you Metalguru, but if OP is spending all of 4-5 evenings a week with DP and doesn't want him speaking to ex while he's with her, the call back would have to be next day, not in a coupe of hours.

I have a feeling, that if we had all sides of the story here, it would turn out that everyone's being unreasonable to some extent.

Re the fire rescuing , I would agree with the above. I would imagine that the most would rescue the weakest first .

I think the OP is perhaps young and has an issue in seeing things from a different re point.

I wouldn't have a relationship with a man who wouldn't save his child before anyone else. Frankly, I would think he was a little broken.

After having DD, DH and I were in a little bit of a scary situation on the Tube. Afterwards, we talked about it and we both had a plan to save DD. Both of us knew that the other would be absolutely fine with being sacrificed to save her.

It is hard to imagine the love you feel for a child before you have one. I'm not particularly 'maternal' and it really surprised me.

If you want to be put first, definitely someone without children would be a better option.