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Original poster

To be annoyed when my OH picks up calls from his ex wife during our dare night

159 replies

Belame · 01/08/2015 19:33

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed when my OH picks up calls from his ex wife during our date night?

I've been seeing my bf for 3 years. He's been married before but his wife left him for another guy, despite the fact they had a 3 yr old boy. Time have passed and my bf being honorable man that he is, aged for her to keep the house for the sake of his ds. She's been nothing but horrible to him, kicking him out of the house, throwing his clothes out etc. Is been quite acrimonious and horrible at the time. In the meantime, the moment he's moved out she moved her new man in.

We've been seeing each other for quite some time, we don't live together but try to see each other 4-5 times a week. Obviously because of our busy work life I don't get to have a lot of date nights but when we do, we always have a nice time.

That's until she finds. And she always rings. She finds during our dinner together, she rings during our trips out. It's always the same thing, some sort of a stupid question or query. Whilst I know they have a child together, it's really annoying for me, because I just want to have our time together. But he ends up picking up, and it ends up annoying me. I end up being frustrated by constant reminders of her.

Am i being unreasonable to ask him to switch phone or not answer when we are having our date night?

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 01/08/2015 23:14

She's being a dick, I don't think i've ever had to ring DP whilst he's been out and I've had our child. Maybe once. So the fact she's doing it constantly and with stupid questions just shows she's doing it to be a pain in the arse

Coconuticetea · 01/08/2015 23:15

OP do you want a Kua for the rest of you life ? No didn't think so.

Just tell him he needs to live his life, his DC will be fine, and no need to get anxious and answer the phone every time it rings.

FortyCoats · 01/08/2015 23:21

coconut I agree with some of what you said in your first post but now you're just coming across weird - he IS doing this, she IS doing that, he definitely thinks this, she definitely thinks that. Really?

Unless you know kua's Ex why would you blanket all 'ex' relationships the same. I'm sure Kua knows her ex and his partner better than you. It is very possible to end a relationship/marriage and remain friends. It may not be the norm but it's certainly done.

kua · 01/08/2015 23:24

Oh, good grief, can you not see that people are good but are possibly a bad match, even being married.

LHReturns · 01/08/2015 23:24

I would be willing to bet that coconut is right in 98% of cases...Kua might be greatest besties with her ex and his new wife, but daily phone calls still sound very peculiar.

JakieOH · 01/08/2015 23:27

I have a friend who is now married to a guy who was, and still is, very friendly with his ex they have a son together

She is also very friendly with his ex, she was at their wedding Confused they babysit each others kids and they are one big happy family well, on the face of it she is constantly complaining about his ex to me and our friends, the maintenence, childcare etc etc but to each others faces they are all best friends. I think there must be very few situations where people are all actually friends by choice, rather, it's easier to smile than snarl.

FortyCoats · 01/08/2015 23:30

I agree LH. I'd say the majority (probably 98%) are not like kua's BUT coco seemed 100% sure it couldn't be any other way. Unless she knows Kua Ex personally OR every person on the planet, I think her comments are presumptuous and a little goady.

Coconuticetea · 01/08/2015 23:37

I don't know, but I think if Kua and those like her took a serious step back they wouldn't be surprised to find that no one would miss the daily calls.

It would also help them to move forward and forge an amazing life of their own.

kua · 01/08/2015 23:40

OK, Fair enough I'm taking a hit here. However, I speak the the truth, and I can honestly say that my ex husband's wife has been wonderful, yes we do speak almost daily amongst us , as a family because that's the norm for us.

Coconuticetea · 01/08/2015 23:44

kua do you have a DP or a DH? There is nothing wrong with being good friends with your ex and his new wife, if that's what you all want.

VelmaD · 02/08/2015 00:02

I speak to ExH nearly every day - he phones to speak to the children 5 or 6 days a week and I chat quickly after. Sometimes it's just "ok, speak tomorrow" other times I tell him how they've got on at school that day etc - they're both under 10 and sometimes don't share everything I think he would like to hear, and would get to hear if he lived with them (like spelling tests, certificates, learning to ride a bike)

I only ring him if I need something urgent though, like change of date etc that can't wait. Otherwise it's the odd text/email.

But not every relationship is the same. We've been apart six years and DP thinks it's unusual, but doesn't get bothered by it (unless I'm out when ExH rings and the boys try to get him to talk which is a bit weird)

Your dps ex sounds really demanding though. I don't see anything wrong with phone being ignored for a two hour meal, and checked after - same as a meeting or cinema after all. It doesn't have to be jump every time.

kua · 02/08/2015 00:10

[Coco] It's worked for the past 10 years.

kua · 02/08/2015 00:37

We are a family. X

honeyroar · 02/08/2015 05:47

It's part of the parcel of dating a man with a child. You should be below the child in the pecking order and he will always discuss things with her. I've lived it too for a decade. Turn it around, he's a good dad. That's how he'd be to your children too.. It doesn't change anything. He's still with you not her. It does get easier when the children are teenagers.

Mygardenistoobig · 02/08/2015 06:51

I think he should tell his ex that it is I convenient to talk right now but will ring her at an agreed time.

Why is she phoning so much?

If he needs to speak to his son be can ring up.

I think it us unnecessary and invasive.

Op- tell your partner it is getting on your nerves and ask him if he can say what I gave suggested.

My tip with this us to immediately phone someone yourself and have a conversation with them whilst out with your partner. Keep doing it until they get the message how irritating it is. Definately does work.sometines people have to be made to experience how their actions make us feel to get the message across.

Oh and I have an ex and dc but don't behave like this woman does.

BathtimeFunkster · 02/08/2015 07:17

I'm a parent.

I don't answer phone calls at the dinner table in a restaurant. That is so rude.

I certainly don't consider myself to be at my children's beck and call 24/7/52.

They have another parent, they have grandparents, they have aunts and uncles, they have childminders and babysitters.

What a weird thread.

OP - how is she finding out about your date nights?

Why is your boyfriend answering phone calls during dinner?

It sounds like this constant contact with her is something he chooses.

It's certainly not a necessary part of being a parent.

Duckdeamon · 02/08/2015 07:20

She sounds a PiTA but he's your boyfriend and is the one behaving rudely by answering the calls and chatting!

MythicalKings · 02/08/2015 07:22

She can only do it if he takes the calls. Ask him to turn his phone off.

FurtherSupport · 02/08/2015 07:26

I don't think OP is objecting only to him answering the phone at dinner though. She's objecting to him talking to ex at all while she'd with him, which is 4-5 evenings a week. If they can't talk while one or both of them is at work, there's not a lot of time in the week left to make the calls.

peggyundercrackers · 02/08/2015 07:31

I disagree with the majority here - she is trying to piss you off and has an unhealthy interest in your relationship. At 7yr old she doesn't need to keep speaking to her ex. and he doesnt need to answer all her calls.

tell him she has to txt him from now on if its important otherwise there is no need to continue answering her stupid calls.

RedDaisyRed · 02/08/2015 07:31

It's very over the top. If a child were in hospital or dying you would call or if it were non urgent such as one hsa decided to go to XYZ school what do you think you could email it. Most of us put our mobiles off when out to dinner with anyone. I don't take calls. If urgent work might come in then I might leave the phone on silent have a quick look in a quiet moment but usually not at all.

Jenny70 · 02/08/2015 08:03

Whilst I think she is being controlling, I think he does need to answer her calls - but cut her off if it's not urgent. And not just on date night, but at any time he is not available to chat to her about his DS. She can sends texts, or arrange a suitable time to chat if it isn't urgent.

Flashbangandgone · 02/08/2015 08:33

All this 'you must take every call in case it's an emergency' is crazy, especially if she's calling all the time. If it's an emergency she's keep calling until it's picked up... If worried about this he could always tell her to do this so he knows it's a genuine emergency, which would be an extremely rare occurrence, hopefully never. Being umbilically tied to your mobile is unhealthy

Original poster
Belame · 02/08/2015 08:37

I think it's rude to be on the phone on a restaurant FULL STOP.

In this case, it is affecting me in particular and I just don't see how for the length of a dinner (2hrs) someone cannot switch off a call. As some people pointed out, there are situations in everyone's lives eg when driving, when in am area of no reception (tube or train), when in the meeting at work, when he can't answer a call whether it's related to his dc or not. So why can't he switch his phone during the dinner.

OP posts:
Original poster
Belame · 02/08/2015 08:41

I spoke to him last night, he agreed he shouldn't have answered. He said he would have a word with his ex and tell her to only ring him in emergency. Otherwise to text him.

I will see how that goes.

OP posts: