Mum left my kids home alone!!!!

[baldbyfifty]

Just typing this is bringing on the mother of all headaches.
I am going to keep this brief as poss.
My mum had our youngest two 5 & 11 last night and this morning as I had a very early morning job interview, she had a funeral at 11 so the agreement was I would be straight over there ASAP as I could to free up my step father (Grandad) who would wait with them before he toddles off to bowls! (He's in his 70's and a sweetheart)
I was there by 11.20am to find an empty house and my girls 5 & 11 on the sofa the youngest covered in chocolate but perfectly happy the eldest looking upset and worried.
It didn't take long to find out that my mum had sent their Grandad off to bowls at around 9.00am with no mention of him looking after the girls, my mums friend who she was going to the funeral with arrived at 9.45 as they were apparently picking up some people on the way. My mothers parting words to my girls were "When your mum gets here tell her she's just missed your Grandad or she'll be really angry"
Fanfuckingtastic.
The whole house was left unlocked with my kids inside for as long as two hours before I got there and to top it off she's asking them to lie to me. She is supposed to be looking after the girls as I desperately need to return to work (we are skint) but I am now completely doubting myself after this, as a child she left me at home alone a lot and I didn't have the greatest childhood but I stupidly thought even this was beyond her in fairness to date she has been a better Nanny than she was mother.
She is very stubborn and always pretty much does whatever she wants and we have come to blows in the past with the way she is with the kids. The silly thing is now its happened i'm not even that surprised.
I brought my girls straight home and haven't heard a thing from her yet!! Exactly where she thinks the girls are right now I don't know!!
I will admit that I am a worrier especially about my girls but this is unbelievable. I don't even know how to confront her about this.

[Toffeewhirl]

sadwidow - what on earth...? I don't see that the op was being inconsiderate at all. Her DM was within her rights to refuse, but she agreed to have the DC. Not all funerals are close friends or relatives and she may not have needed to 'compose herself first'. And the op didn't 'expect' the DSF to stand in for her mum; this was what was agreed with her mum. (But the grandmother didn't think to ask/tell the DSF this and let him go off to bowls anyway).

[Toffeewhirl]

What Nolim said.

[ProjectPerfect]

Actually sadwidow I think an interview for a job when you are skint is hugely important.

But whether something is more important than something else is irrelevant here. The OPs mother agreed to look after her GC and failed spectacularly.

[CarrieLouise25]

Bad mother = Bad grandmother

They don't change or get better just because it's their grandchildren.

Trust is gone. Glad your girls are safe. I'd be looking for other childcare options x

[ChocolateWombat]

If the Granny couldn't do the childcare because of the funeral and couldn't guarantee the Grandad would be there to take over,that would have been fine IF SHE HAD SAID SO. It is not okay to agree to do childcare/arrange for Granfpa to take over but then to choose to go out leaving the children alone.
The Granny was perfectly entitled to say she couldn't do the childcare because of the funeral, but it sounds like she accepted the task and then let the OP down.

IF the OP thought her mother was reliable, she was reasonable to ask to ask for childcare and to expect it to then be provided,if the mother said she could do it. IF she knew her mother was unreliable,she was taking a big risk in relying on her.

[Ohfourfoxache]

Fucking hell

How the bollocks can she even imagine this is acceptable?

[BitchBags]

Wow! That's so bad of your mum to do that! And to ask your children to lie to you! I'm not sure what is worse

[The5DayChicken]

I'd have seriously considered texting DM at pick up time saying "What time is stepdad going to be back with the kids do you think? We need to be at (insert activity here) in half an hour and I can't get hold of him. You want to have a chat with him about locking up when he goes out too...anyone could have walked in! x"

But I'm an evil cow when people pull stunts like this. What kind of twat leaves someone else's children alone after agreeing to provide childcare, then encourages the children to lie for them?!

[CheerfulYank]

Totally not acceptable.

That under the age of 16 business is ridiculous though.

[fetafeta]

YANBU I'd go bananas!!!

[chasingtherainbow]

Fucking hell sadwidow ....What planet are you on!?


OP you and your dh have every right to be livid. This would be irreparable damage to the relationship with your mum imo. .. I am just .. your poor eldest. She must have been worrying herself something awful .. and to purposely deny her access to the phone knowing she'd tell you. I'm so angry for you!

[drudgetrudy]

The OP was not at fault at all here-she had been reassured that her step-dad would fill in till she got home. Her mother was particularly out of order for lying. If she was unable to care for the children she should have said so.

However what she did is not illegal. The NSPCC's leaflet is only their guidelines. It is considered to be the parent's judgement when the children are responsible enough to be left and for how long.

If you leave kids with someone over 16 they become responsible for them. If you leave them with someone under 16 the responsibility remains with you.
If anything had gone wrong OP's mother would have been held responsible-not that that's any comfort.

She doesn't sound suitable to look after them while OP works.

Hope the interview went well but sadly you will probably have to use an after school club or something till they are secondary school age.

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

drudge

exactly what you said.
you can leave your 1 yo at home alone for 10 mins to post a letter if you so wish, it is not against the law.
but if anything happens to them while they are alone you are responsible and will be charged and can be prosecuted.
same as leaving them in the car.
there's no law against it.

it is all about what we feel we can justify

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

having said that agreeing to look after her grandkids then leaving them alone and asking them to lie to their mum are actions of this grandmother that are definitely wrong. in so many ways

[whatarethose]

It's terrible to leave them on their own, and terrible to ask them to lie. You're pretty fucked, aren't you?

[hunkermunker]

You left the house unlocked when you picked the girls up, I hope?

The fact that she didn't let your 11yo speak to you last night makes me wonder how 'unplanned' her leaving at 9.45am actually was.

Agree with the others who say nfw to letting her look after them again.

Good luck with the job!

[CheesyNachos]

sadwidow sorry, but I disagree with you hugely. If the funeral had been for someone very very close, then maybe you would be right. But the fact that the DM's own husband went bowling instead of going to the funeral and the fact that the OP went to a job interview instead of the funeral would seem to suggest that the funeral was for an acquaintance. Still sad, clearly, but it does not trump the responsibilities and commitments the OP's mother had promised to fulfill and certainly does not justify her pre-meditated and sustained lying to the OP.

[DunnTrying]

Bloody hell op I'd have hit, I don't care what the reason was that was totally, totally unacceptable behaviour....

[DunnTrying]

*bugger meant hit the roof!!

[notapizzaeater]

It's the asking the children to lie I'd have the biggest issue with, what else has she ever asked them .

[Sagethyme]

zing it is against the law to leave your chikdren in the car, it is classed at abandonment, which is considered neglect for which you can be prosecuted.