Mum left my kids home alone!!!!

[baldbyfifty]

Just typing this is bringing on the mother of all headaches.
I am going to keep this brief as poss.
My mum had our youngest two 5 & 11 last night and this morning as I had a very early morning job interview, she had a funeral at 11 so the agreement was I would be straight over there ASAP as I could to free up my step father (Grandad) who would wait with them before he toddles off to bowls! (He's in his 70's and a sweetheart)
I was there by 11.20am to find an empty house and my girls 5 & 11 on the sofa the youngest covered in chocolate but perfectly happy the eldest looking upset and worried.
It didn't take long to find out that my mum had sent their Grandad off to bowls at around 9.00am with no mention of him looking after the girls, my mums friend who she was going to the funeral with arrived at 9.45 as they were apparently picking up some people on the way. My mothers parting words to my girls were "When your mum gets here tell her she's just missed your Grandad or she'll be really angry"
Fanfuckingtastic.
The whole house was left unlocked with my kids inside for as long as two hours before I got there and to top it off she's asking them to lie to me. She is supposed to be looking after the girls as I desperately need to return to work (we are skint) but I am now completely doubting myself after this, as a child she left me at home alone a lot and I didn't have the greatest childhood but I stupidly thought even this was beyond her in fairness to date she has been a better Nanny than she was mother.
She is very stubborn and always pretty much does whatever she wants and we have come to blows in the past with the way she is with the kids. The silly thing is now its happened i'm not even that surprised.
I brought my girls straight home and haven't heard a thing from her yet!! Exactly where she thinks the girls are right now I don't know!!
I will admit that I am a worrier especially about my girls but this is unbelievable. I don't even know how to confront her about this.

[CrapBag]

FFS. Sometimes I wonder whether people actually read the facts or just make it up!

OP clearly states that her mum said grandad would be watching them until she got back. Obviously she didn't even tell grandad as she told the girls they would be left as soon as they arrived, plus she wouldn't let the eldest speak on the phone as she knew she would tell the OP. This is unforgiveable and disgusting behaviour.

It doesn't matter that OP wasn't surprised, it doesn't matter that OPs mum did it years ago. The OP clearly thought that as a nan, her mum had changed. The OP is not to blame in anyway shape or form. All blame lies with OPs mum for being utterly deceitful about it.

Good luck with your conversation OP. I'd give it to her with both barrels.

I looked after my siblings at the age of 13, they were 8, 4 and 3! I'd have them until the early hours of the morning (although I was asleep and didn't know that). AFAIK there isn't an actual age. My aunt left her 2 to nip to the shops and someone phoned the police. They told her that there is no official age that you can leave them, it's when you deem them responsible enough.

[PegsPigs]

It's the lying. Ignore all the other details and ask yourself "is it OK for a grandparent to ask her grandchild to lie to her mother?" I can't think of any occasion when this would be OK.

[oldnewmummy]

The lie she told the kids to tell, "tell her she just missed Grandad", meant that the OP would blame Grandad for leaving them rather than her. Nice!

[nigelslaterfan]

yeah but everyone seems to just use grandparents as free childcare and they have lives too. It sucks both ways. I didn't leave my ds at 11 but equally I didn't dump them on grandparents who weren't free either.

[Minicaters]

At the very least you should have got the little one to wipe her chocolate all over the sofa before you left, and tip a big glass of milk on the carpet.

Seriously, it's awful. But why is grandad blameless here? Didn't both adults collude to leave the children home alone?

Reassure your older one that she will not be put in this position again - at least you found out before any harm was done, so in that sense it's a blessing. But I'd be spitting feathers. Hope you got the job btw.

[drudgetrudy]

OH ffs Nigel-she isn't even using her Mum for regular child-care, it was a one-off whilst she went to a job interview. Most grandparents like to look after their grandchildren occasionally.

In this situation it is entirely the grandmother's fault for leaving them alone without even discussing it with OP and then asking the children to lie about it.

I do not consider looking after my grandchildren to be being dumped on, I enjoy it. If it was inconvenient on a particular occasion I would say so.

[nigelslaterfan]

But don't ask people who aren't free to care for your children. Get a better solution or don't be surprised.

My neighbour on the assumption that I was free, and my time is of no value to me, asked me to drive her children to her place of work (three hours all told) so she could finish her work in time to get away for her holiday. Seriously she asked me to care for her children and drive them around. I have two of my own children and other commitments. So I said no. She is finding professional care. I am not her free childcare. I always help friends where I can but my time is not valueless.

[nigelslaterfan]

one- off, whatever, it's a cheek, she wasn't free and neither was Step grandad.

They weren't available that morning. That is what is relevant here. She asked people who weren't free to look after her kids. That sounds a little contemptuous of their previous commitments. It's a bugger but get someone to care for your kids who is available. That seems to be the gist.

[drudgetrudy]

Grandmother didn't say it was inconvenient-she made out it would be fine and granddad would be there-therefore I still say its not OP's fault-its her Mum's. Grandmother should have been clear and said that she was going to a funeral and couldn't do it if that was the case.

[nigelslaterfan]

Well my m has said yes to my s regardless of whether she is free or not at times because my s doesn't look for another solution usually because my mother is a soft touch and she takes her completely for granted.

Rather than asking her useless LazyAssed ex husband who does almost nada because he is a selfish moron. And worse her massively lazy fatassed ex mother in law (other granny) who lifts not a finger because she is so selfish. Some of these grandparents are exploited - is all I'm saying. Maybe not here, but a funeral? I mean that is quite a serious commitment. And step grandad at 70 who is also busy? It's not fabulous childcare when people are not really free. This needs to be established. Maybe OP is used to being put first?

[duckwalk]

sadwidow give yourself a good fucking shake, eh? Thanks ever so much.

[lougle]

The funeral was booked after the interview. The OP checked that the DM was still happy to help. Not the OP's fault!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

For fuck's sake, all you projectors - the OP arranged this ages ago, before the funeral cropped up, the OP's mother agreed to do it, she supposedly arranged for the step-dad to cover while she went to the funeral - she didn't fucking tell him, she sent him out to play bowls early. Now why in the name of fuck did she do that, eh? How hard would it have been to ask him to stop in for a bit? sounds like he would have had no problem doing it, but she didn't even ask him.

So. She agreed to do the job, cover was supposedly arranged when the funeral coincided, yet she deliberately refused to ask the stepfather and then asked the girls to lie about it to their mother.

First up, I'd want to know why she didn't tell the stepfather. What the fuck is that all about, eh? Why deliberately leave the 2 girls alone, especially when one of them is distressed enough about it that she tries to warn her mum the night before? Who DOES that?!

[Yarp]

nigel

It seems to me that maybe you are used to being put last?

[mimishimmi]

As it was a one-off babysitting request which she agreed to, YANBU at all. As for asking her grandchildren to lie to you..

Generally though, when it comes to free/very cheap childcare and hoping to have that on a regular basis ... pay peanuts you'll get monkeys... If you do get that job, I hope you get some proper care arrangements sorted for them.

[chrome100]

I think it'd be ok for half an hour or so but not for that long and to not even speak to you about it first is terrible.

[DinosaursRoar]

Regardless of anything else, stopping the dd from telling her mum they would be left alone and then telling them to lie isn't on.

Op, don't leave your dcs with her again, the lying and denying your dcs a chance to talk to you about something they were uncomfortable with means she can't be trusted.

As both dcs are school aged, I assume childcare costs will be minimal (just wrap around and school holidays) it's nice if family can help out if you are skint, but now you know you don't have safe family care available, even if she does offer.

[WayneRooneysHair]

I'd have raised merry hell if my mum had done this, it's not okay at all and it's not the OP's fault.

[drudgetrudy]

Is granddad blameless or did he refuse to do it on the last minute and Granny then lied to cover it? It doesn't excuse it -but its something I'm now wondering about.
Grandmother should still have made another arrangement or texted OP though-no excuse for telling them to lie.

[ChocolateWombat]

It is irrelevant whether the children were capable of looking after themselves. The OP wanted childcare and the Granny agreed to do it and said an adult would be present throughout - herself and then Grandpa.
The issue isn't whether the kids could care for themselves, but that the adult who had agreed to provide adult supervision,then went out and left the children without the adult supervision. The asking the children to lie just makes it worse and shows the Granny was aware that what she was doing was unacceptable.
Someone who does is cannot be trusted in the future to provide childcare that the OP has decided these children need.
It isn't totally clear if relying on the Granny was a mistake in the first place, because there are indications that she had been a poor mother and was unreliable...but it is unclear what the level of unreliability was and therefore if the OP was foolish/negligent to leave the children with her this time.
It is clear that the Granny should not be trusted again in future.