To ask how on earth people get their small DC to sleep at a reasonable time?

[PerkyBoots]

I have 2 DC, they are 3 and 1, I just can't seem to get them to sleep at a reasonable time, it was around 9.30pm tonight. They wind each other up and seem to just want to play! I've heard of others getting their kids to sleep by 7pm or earlier. Does this really happen and how? If anyone would like to share their secrets in this regard, I'd be VERY grateful. Thank you.

2.5 years between my two, now much older. Always the same. Bath at seven, TV off, milk and stories, teeth and bed for eight. Lots of teddies for comfort. Lights off, door shut. Made very clear I will not be going back in. No shushing or patting, no coaxing, no discussion, never ever any co sleeping. If they led and whinged they were left to it. Harsh maybe, but the adults and babies/toddlers in our house were always well rested. So a strict routine and probably a good dose of luck too.

Have managed it with ds (dc2) and get him to bed for 7/7.30 by means of making him exhausted, being really strict about nap times/length.

Had to though, as dd is 5 years older than him and needs a separate bedtime routine after he is in bed.

Will dd I was completely hopeless at getting her to bed early, and it was often 9 pm even when she was 1!

My DDs share a room they are 6 & 4 and to be honest they can't stay awake much past 7.. They are up at 630 in the morning though...!

Our 2 yr old started messing about a few months ago. Cue about 3 weeks of hell (not going down til 9pm +) etc.

So I got mean. Put my foot down. If you want to lie in your bed, and be awake, fine! But no, I'm not playing.

She's great again now. Goes to her room at 7, I read to her, lights out by 7.30.

1 yr old is still fab, he goes down no problem.

Routine is obviously key, but I think you have to be flexible. Things do change! But i really don't understand people who keep their kids up til all hours.

Thank you so much for all your replies, they are very much appreciated.

But i really don't understand people who keep their kids up til all hours.

I work to DD's rhythms just like I work to my own. I don't understand why it's seemingly preferable to have less than an hour with a working parent per day than a few hours' quality time each day. DD has always had plenty of sleep. She can no easier switch off when I say than I can. She's not "kept up" - her timetable is driven by her but works for all of us.

Routine.

We had a routine from when DD1 was 2 months old and it has never changed. Both DDs (16mo and 3.9) are in bed by 7.15 and usually asleep by 7.30. Our routine is:

6pm: TV (if it has been on) goes off, and we have quiet, wind down time in the lounge, with books or a gentle game.

6.15: I start running the bath.

6.20: DDs in bath, do teeth etc.

6.35ish: Out bath and upstairs to get dried / ready for bed.

In bedroom (they share) DD1 gets her PJs on, does her inhaler, chooses book and teddy whilst I get DD2 ready.

We then all sit on floor and I read to DD1 / she reads to me whilst I BF DD2.

When story is finished DD1 gets into bed and I sing her a song.

I then get read DD2 a little book, we turn on some relaxing music, kiss DD1 goodnight and turn out the light.

I put DD2 into her cot (or BF her to sleep occasionally) and pat her until she's in a deep sleep. Usually DD1 will fall asleep before I leave, if not we have an extra kiss and cuddle then I leave the room.:4

DH and I had a strict bedtime routine from the very beginning and it works. DC are now 10 and 8 and they still go to bed at the the time. The eldest had SN and wakes up really early but that is a different story.
Keep to your routine. This is ours
7pm bath or shower, teeth
Then story (much longer books now they are older)
No drinks or food (make sure they are well hydrated with water throughout the day to avoid thirst at night)
Sleep
The oldest needs less sleep so he is allowed to come down with us until 8:30
The youngest is allowed to read his book (a different one to the one we read to him) until 8 if he is not too tired.

Fuck if I know.

Mine are 8, 2, and two months and were still up at 10:45 tonight. It's just after 11 now and the little two are sleeping but the oldest just came down for a drink and got the death glare as I am sick of this nonsense

I don't know where it all went wrong. DS1 used to sleep 7-7. DD slept 8-8 for a time.

Now DD (the two year old) has learned to climb out of her cot so no longer naps and she won't sleep before 10 pm. I don't know what to do. I've started a thread in chat asking for help with a schedule.

You can have a routine whether bedtime is 6,7, or 8 o'clock if you need to leave house for school or work at 7 your bedtime would be different to us as we never leave before 8.30

I do not pick up Did from child under to 6pm by the time I have cooked dinner etc its 7, then there maybe homework she wants to play with me so on school nights bed is 8- 8.30 she sleeps till 7.30, that is 10.5 or 11 hours sleep which is fine for 5 nearly 6 year old, if she is tired she will ask to go to bed, during holidays she mat stray up to 9.

It would not have suited us for bedtime to be 6.30 and awake before 6am so never encouraged bedtime that early but it works for some, horses for courses and all that.

Both mine DDs, 5 and 2 are in bed asleep by 6.45pm. We just start re process at 6.00pm, with PJs, teeth, stories. They bath at 5.30pm. A friend told me a great tip when my youngest was kicking off at bedtime put one to bed first, wait until they are sleeping, then put the other to slee. The first one won't wake as they sleep so deeply in that first stage!

Ours go to bed between 630-730pm, sometimes they fall asleep straight away, sometimes they chat and sometimes they get out of bed and sneak about and get up to mischief..
Tbh we stopped fretting about it, popping them in their beds and expecting them to close their eyes and drop off on demand is an unrealistic goal imho..

Op - what's your current sleep routine, including naps?

I'm currently having a mare with 2 year old dc2, if she has more than 10 minutes sleep in the alter pin, bedtime goes from 6:45/7pm to 10pm, morning sleep does seem to not hit bedtime as much, but still no more than 30 mins, however she'll fall asleep in the car or buggy without food bribery so have had to change my routine to doing "stuff" with her straight after the school run for dc1, heading for home no later than 11:30 (so she can sleep in the buggy on the way back) then accepting a v long school run in the afternoons letting her walk it rather than being pushed in the buggy. (Buggy on the way back with raisin bribery to stay awake).

Our evening routine is
5/5:30 dinner
6:30 milk and quick bath
6:45/6:50 pjs and get in bed with quick story (in low lighting)
7 sleep - I v badly used to cuddle to sleep, but we've moved on to me sitting by her bed for 10 minutes, sometimes holding her hand .
7:15/7:20 - dc1 (aged 5) goes in bath,
7:30/7:45 - pjs and story and attempts to stall with complex questions
8pm dc1 asleep
8:05pm - mummy cracks open the chocolate and junk she won't let the dcs have and watches something with swearing on the TV.

DH gets up at 6:15am for work, leaving before 7, he sees the dcs before work maybe 50% of the time.

I think the trick is to manage daytime sleeping and not trying to do both dcs sleep routines at once. It's been hard losing the time "off" losing daytime naps, but worth it to get my evenings back.

Oh to answer the "how do they see their dad's" question, DH used to do nursery pick up when I went back to work after dc1 before dc2, which was before 6. He shifted his day to start earlier and does often have to work on the laptop in the evening, but it's stuff that he'd previously would have done in the office before coming home.

And for going out, with at least the toddler in bed by 7, it's easier to get people (grandparents!) to sit for your dcs if you go out. We'll normally have dc1 in pjs too before heading out so grandparents just have to read a quick story and tell him to go to sleep, then we can be at a restaurant/friends house for 7:30. Most of my friends have younger dcs and don't let them stay up late, so it's not really the done thing to bring dcs with you when we go out in the evening.

For me sleep breeds sleep. I have never stopped a Child napping. When ds1 started school last sept he was tired after school and sometimes napped 4-6pm. Still went to sleep by 9pm until next morning. Had he been denied a nap he would have be wide awake overtired at 9pm

Sometimes as an adult I fancy an afternoon nap, doesn't stop me going to bed before midnight. I would never deny a 2 year old a nap, surely it's better they are happy all afternoon and evening as well rested that wingy from 2pm. Just move bedtime an hour later if needed

I'm with artandco on the napping, I never wake my DD. I spent long enough wishing she would go past 45mins! I generally follow tired cues. My DD (15m) recently started taking longer naps (2.5hrs) in the afternoon and I was worried as she wasn't going to sleep until 930pm (to be up by 7am). We've this week taken a slightly longer route home from nursery, she grabs a catnap in buggy/sling and is asleep by 9pm; still getting 13ish hours sleep and is happy. We like spending time with her in the evenings, and so long as she isn't exhausted it suits us.

OP, if I were you I'd separate my dcs. I don't remember what my older dcs did, but my youngest (now 3) definitely didn't go to sleep for the night at 7pm until she was much older. Like you I was despairing of ever getting an evening to myself. And I did the whole routine thing too - but it often depends on the child not the parent.

But now she's 3 she does sleep from 7. The downside is that she is awake at 6am often. Is there any way you can put the 3 year old to bed first, wait until he/she's asleep and then put the 1 yo to bed.

I would say that it does happen and you just have to wait - they're still young.

My children were the opposite. Once they were past a certain age an hours sleep in the day meant two hours less at night so overall they were more tired. I think it depends on the individual child.

DD 11 up stairs by 6:30 reading til 7:30 then lights off

DDs 8,6 & 3 in bed and lifts off at 6:30

DD 8 months bed at 7

Everyone up at 7:30 ???? works for us, had a mixture of good and horrendous sleepers DD 4 (now 3) was a terrible sleeper up 6-7 times a night until she was diagnosed with celiacs now she sleeps through.

AngelBlue - that's v. interesting about your DD - my DS1 was also a dreadful sleeper (went to bed fine, but woke up a lot and always up for the day before 5am) - he was diagnosed with coeliac age 4, and is now (3 years later) a very good sleeper. I imagine systemic illness must affect the body in all sorts of ways, which must affect sleep too.

Angel - your 11 year old goes to bed at 6.30pm?

angels post just demonstrates how important it is to find a routine that meets the individual childs needs, rather than a one size fits all age related bedtime.
My dd would be rioting and silly and probably not asleep till 1am on a second wind on that routine, therefore grumpy, tired and resentful, whereas Angels dd would probably be a tired grouch on my dds routine.

My one yr old and 3 yr old share. When they went in we decided not to.go up for chatting, only if there was distress or eg dc 1 running around out of bed. fairly often have to go up once to say shhhussh, vrru rarely 3 times. they are over the novelty.

If 2 year old doesn't nap during the day, then 7pm is possible. If not, it's 10pm