To think some things should be kept private (warning upsetting)

[ReginaBlitz]

I was scrolling down newsfeed on fb and a "friend" had shared a post it was a picture of a one day old baby that had passed away, with the headline please share to say Thankyou to the staff of such and such hospital, this was posted by the baby's dad. Obviously this is awful and the parents are going through hell, but I think this is so inappropriate. I think photos like this should be private not shared by randoms all over Facebook it's upsetting (yes I know it's upsetting having it happen) but why not use a photo of her alive I am actually in shock it's seriously got to me and can't imagine how someone this has happened to would feel seeing these pictures. So Aibu to think these photos should be kept private?

YANBU OP. It sounds like it could be upsetting, or distressing. If people have a right to grieve in any way they wish, then it follows that others have a right to react to that in the way they wish. I don't see why it needs to be shared beyond immediate friends.

YABVU.

It might be upsetting or distressing in passing for someone who horror of horrors catches a glimpse of someone's precious beloved baby but that upset or distress is fleeting compared to the life changing devastation of your baby dying and taking your hopes and dreams for thefuture with them. Yabu.

They never got a chance to take hundreds or thousands of photos of their beautiful little girl. Why should they hide her away like something to be ashamed of? I only have 1 photo of my eldest child and she was dead when it was taken? Can you even begin to imagine how it feels?

I saw this post.
I wouldn't do it myself.

People keep posting pictures of absurd children on my facebook , saying its to raise awareness, i find it really strange

I have not seen the photo. I have lost a child at birth though, and while we only shared photos (pre fb) with a few close family members, I would defend these parents right to do what they want to if they feel it helps them..
As for other peoples 'choice' of not seeing it....well, I sometimes don't like the awful bragging sickly sweet posts people put on fb about how proud they are of their DC, what a lucky mummy they are etc etc. Veggie friends probably don't really like the photos of peoples rare steaks when they go out for meals, and there are always numerous news stories, celeb twaddle, animal cruelty pictures and stuff you'd rather not see. So don't fb, or hide it and move on.
I hope to goodness other parents grieving as they are are not now feeling judged for the decisions they have made. Anything that makes them feel better, that helps them pay tribute to their much loved baby, is OK. Those who think otherwsie have a total lack of empathy.
there are some very moving eloquent posts from bereaved parents on here. to you all for being so brave. I also agree that stillbirth and infant loss is one of the great taboos and needs talking about. years ago babies were whisked away and the parents were not allowed to hold them let alone have photos etc. They were told they could soon have another one. Thankfully we have moved on and understand the grieving process better. IME and that of others, NHS staff are wonderful when dealing with tragic losses like this.

If you only want to see things you "choose" to see then don't go on Facebook. I am shocked that you find this unreasonable. It is about those poor parents and whatever they need to do right now, not about you feeling uncomfortable. How would you feel if god forbid this were the other way around? They have enough to cope with without being judged.

The pride and love you have for your new baby doesn't disappear if they die. Hide it if you don't want to see it.

no one is saying that it does span.

Photos of dead people shouldn't be posted to Facebook at all in my opinion.

Agree ^^

Grays - you've put that far more succinctly than any of my unposted, previous attempts.

I completely understand the parents want to share the photos of their baby, I've had friends who have done it.

But I don't think other people should be forced to see photos of dead babies, or dead anyone in my opinion. It's not offensive, but it can trigger intense feelings.

I lost a baby. It hurt me to see a dead child on my Facebook. Of course my hurt is nothing in comparison to the poor parents of the child, but I and others shouldn't have to see a dead person come up in between posts about nights out and what people have had for their tea.

I had photos, I shared photos privately with those who wanted to see them. I didn't force others to look at them.

Thankyou I appreciate that.

I of course would never complain, I have commented in the past with my condolences like any normal person would. I did have a cry at my laptop though, not just for me but for them.

Like people have said, we can't censor and people have the right to post what they wish as long as it isn't offensive. Which obviously this isn't. But I think it's also important for people to be able to avoid things that upset them.

I like it when new parents post baby pics on Facebook and I see no reason why unlucky people whose babies happened to be stillborn shouldn't share their images with their other friends and me, as well. It's a life event. That's what Facebook is for. And if it garners support and love from the community at a harrowing, confusing and devastating time, that's helpful.

My only concern relates to the reactions of mothers and fathers who've suffered stillbirth themselves. The images could serve as a trigger.

nd if it garners support and love from the community at a harrowing, confusing and devastating time, that's helpful

Yeah I agree with this a lot actually despite my opinions

Sorry for your loss grays, this was mainly what I was getting at everyone is different. And in my experience with people that have also gone through similar and how they dealt with it I know this would have caused them a lot of distress. Like I keep saying it's about choice fb or not it should be kept between the people that matter. And also there are groups on fb that are very sick and dedicate their pages to putting picks like this on and basically laughing about it ( shocking and I only heard about such groups through petitions trying to remove them have never looked at them) sharing like this is opening themselves up to something like that happening.

You know, I'm fully to terms with being childfree. But this doesn't mean I sometimes feel my losses. I do especially when looking at post-delivery mother & baby photos. I think that never happened for me - I think of all the intense years ahead for that parent with her growing child, and feel sad that my life didn't include this.

The fact that looking at the photos sometimes hurts me doesn't mean they shouldn't be posted! It doesn't stop me sharing the poster's feeling, either.

Likewise, I'll repeat that we should see pictures of dead people. We need to be aware of stuff that happens in our world. I assume this baby was white? You have all seen photos of dead & dying African babies, haven't you? Did this baby matter to you more than them?

Not at all garlick but as you say those children are very sick or dying as you put it they are not dead..and why? Because it would be in poor taste and insensitive to show a dead child on TV and they wouldn't actually be allowed to do it.

And also we don't NEED to see anything we don't want to see, I personally am very aware of what goes on I don't need pictures to remind me. Like I said everyone's different and should have a choice, if your choice is you need to see dead people then you have the option to google such things it shouldn't be forced upon others that don't need to see it

Regina - I'm a vegetarian. Should I have to see pictures of dead animals being eaten? Somebody up thread made that point already but it bears repetition. Should infertile people be forced to look at scan pictures? Should parents of 'normal' children be shown images of children with disabilities?
The TV does show pictures of dead people. I'm sure we saw mothers carrying their dead children in Ethiopia in 1983. We have a fucked up attitude to death. The dead are us without breath. When do people cease to be acceptable?

I love it when posters refer to themselves as 'we' to give themselves credibility. Speak for yourself.

Well I've never seen a dead person on TV. I also refuse to watch things like comic relief as I know they show things like that, again I choose not to watch it. As for the comparison between seeing people eat meat when you are a veggie,people have to eat right? People eating meat is a normal everyday thing and seeing this can't be avoided.