To put my daughter before my husband?

[funnybones30]

My DD who is 14 got drunk a few months ago and engaged in sexual activity with a boy (not intercourse).

She told me about it as she felt guilty and was very upset. I told my husband who went crazy about it (to be expected) and called her all sorts of names, slag etc

Since then they don't appear to have much of a relationship. She says he doesn't like her. She will speak to him but he will be quite abrupt or ignore her. He loses his temper with her quite easily. He is quite moody anyway, well for the last three years or so.

He tells me she has no respect for anything or anyone. He says I spend too much time chauffeuring her about. I think she is being a normal teenager. She will snap on occasions plus have moods but she realises this and will apologise.

He doesn't think she should be out with her friends all the time even though it is the summer holidays and that she should stay in more.

He said to me he could easily kick her out if she was 16, he wouldn't though. I feel like I'm caught between our DD and husband.

I'm beginning to think maybe I should split with him and move out with our other child also. I'm really fed up with it and cant see any other way.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

Your husband needs to know that she is still a virgin maybe? Tell him to act like a dad not a bully.

Being sexual is a human condition, not a crime.

The drinking probably led to it, since she is so regretful. She is honest, that is something to be proud of, along with the fact she feels she can talk to you.

I would say by age 14 it's noone's business whether your dd is a virgin or not. That is saying that dd somehow has to prove her virtue, which is precisely the problem.

Disagree with you there,boy .14 is below the age of consent, therefore there is some parental responsibility there. Whilst many people have lost their virginity before that age and are happy with that decision that doesn't mean that parents should totally ignore it and just leave their children to get on with it.

Fair enough - I don't think I expressed myself well in there. I stand by not having to somehow prove 'virtue' though.

What the hell does he think he would be forgiving her for? What did she do to him?

He seems to have a very fucked-up attitude to your daughter's existence as an actual person.

It sounds like he thinks he owns your daughter and any sexual activity is a challenge to his authority.

boy it's nothing to do with 'virtue' though. A 14 year old girl (boys as well) is potentially very vulnerable when it comes to being sexually active and a parent should be aware of it.
I'm certainly not advocating dragging her off to the GP for a virginity test but it is something parents should ideally be aware of, in order to support and care for their children.

no, I understand what you're saying - actually I think you're right, rethinking. More what I meant was to a pp who suggested that a possible solution was to convince her dad she's a virgin which I found troubling, personally. If she had had sex, her father's behaviour (in my eyes at least) would still be abhorrent. I sidn't express myself well.

Op seems to be long gone. I do hope that she has taken some of this on board.