Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going out for a meal whilst on sick leave?

130 replies

Kayden · 27/07/2015 10:18

I was invited out for lunch this week with a relative who I rarely see. She knows I've been unwell and will be picking me up, so I don't need to drive. It's nothing fancy but it is in a nice restaurant and I'll probably be out of the house for a few hours.

I mentioned it to a friend who was shocked that I am going, said it's "naughty". Hmm I am now doubting myself and feeling guilty. WIBU to go out for this meal whilst on sick leave?

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 28/07/2015 13:00

"", it would be remarkable how many people would miraculously feel well enough to come into work.""

I know this has been picked up on, but when I had pneumonia, I was in a job that didn't pay sick leave. Luckily I was in a HA house and they let me build rent arrears. I'd lost my owned home, when my DH got ill (he later died).

Trucking, do a 12 hour shift on a busy Nursing home, then state that is similar to going out for a meal.

It's Care/Nursing home staff that don't get sick pay, but have to take time off, 48 hour rule, back issues etc.

My Son in law ran out of sick pay, on his third operation, if the family couldn't of helped him, they would of gone hungry, going into work would have permanentlay disabled him.

When I did Welfare Rights a lot of homeless stories I heard, happend because of illness.

prettybird · 28/07/2015 13:04

"If there was no such thing as sick pay, .... people...would feel well enough to come in to work" Hmm

If there was no such thing as sick pay, I'd have still needed to be signed off. The alternative would've been to end up being sacked for non-performance. Yet with proper treatment (including anti-depressants) I was able to return to work and help win my company multi-million pound contracts.

SerialBox · 28/07/2015 13:08

Actually I worked in an office where there was no sick pay and actually there were less people off sick. Not because they were fit for work but because they couldn't afford to lose a days wages.

I went in with a sickness bug and was running to the loo every 15 minutes throwing up and when I was told to go home I refused on the grounds that I couldn't not afford to lose that money. It was the difference between me being able to pay my rent or not.

They eventually sent me home and said they wouldn't deduct my wages. It did stop your random Monday or Friday skivers but it also resulted in a hell of a lot of genuinely unwell people being in work when they shouldn't be.

GraysAnalogy · 28/07/2015 13:09

Before I did my degree I worked for all different sorts of roles. One was as a HCA, didn't get sick pay. One was customer service and they actually took sick pay away from us because one of the women in the office kept ringing in sick when in fact it was her child who was sick and she needed to take care of him.

It's sad when people can't actually afford to be ill.

SuperFlyHigh · 28/07/2015 13:11

Serial I was like you re the throwing up...

we weren't denied sick days but it was certainly frowned upon - my colleague (the only other woman there) was NEVER sick, until 3 years ago she had grandchildren and 1 currently lives with her... of course they tend to bring germs and illness... and she got lots of things. feel sorry for her? no I didn't but I hated her anyway!

LilacWine7 · 28/07/2015 17:29

Clearly an unpopular view on here but if you're well enough to go out to a restaurant, then you're well enough to come in to work, even if just for a couple of hours

This makes no sense. Do you really think people should be dragging themselves into work when they're ill? Spreading viruses and other contagious bugs around? Running to the loo to be sick when they're at work?? It's unprofessional and bad for everyone.

When my HG started, I battled into work for too long. I was often late, often had to leave early and spent a lot of time in the loo vomiting. Despite meds I felt nauseous and dizzy all day and the vomiting was unpredictable. My job requires a high level of concentration, is very physical and I'm responsible for others' safety. I was unable to carry out my work safely, other colleagues were having to pick up the slack, they didn't know when I'd be in or for how long so they couldn't plan cover. Yet for weeks I conformed to the stereotype that I had to drag myself in and show I was 'trying'. In the end my team-lead and manager gently took me aside and said it would be better for me and everyone else if I went on sick leave until I was fully recovered. They got a locum to cover me. Several months on, I'm still on sick-leave, still vomiting every day (often 4-5 xday) although I have good days too when I'm able to get out and about. I'm so grateful my bosses are kind and sensible, and aren't putting pressure on me to return too soon.

Iggi999 · 28/07/2015 17:47

You can't just go into work for a couple of hours anyway, if you're signed off you are not meant to be in at all, and you could only do a reduced day if a phased return was agreed. Usually it's all or nothing!

Hulababy · 28/07/2015 18:00

I think it very much depends on the reason for sick leave.

Generally short term sick leave - no.
But longer term sick leave - can be perfectly reasonable.

There is a big difference between types of sick leave, or rather reasons for sick leave, and whether or not your capable of being out of the house for a short meal break and being capable of doing a full days work.

Not all jobs allow you to pop in for just a couple of hours work.

BuggersMuddle · 28/07/2015 21:26

If there was no such thing as sick pay, people who couldn't afford the time off would be more likely to spread illness to colleagues. Colleagues who may well come in, but underperform due to being sick. Or worse, colleagues who are immunocompromised / otherwise ill / pregnant will get really sick because the person at the next desk can't afford a day off. (I have been that colleague).

In my line of work you can generally WFH so I don't understand people coming in with a heavy cold tbh. IMO if you can, keep it to yourself.

AnyoneforTurps · 28/07/2015 21:35

I’m quite horrified at tales of people being sacked for going to a restaurant while off sick with MH problems

Please don't believe this - it's bollocks.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 28/07/2015 21:41

Well, if you are off with something contagious, no you should not be out in public eating at restaurants any more than you should be at work

If, however, you are signed off with some long term condition, then probably OK. Just don't post it all over Facebook as it might not go down to well!

Anniesaunt · 28/07/2015 22:34

No sick pay may increase presenteesimin but I'm convinced it would not increase productivity. The person who is ill would not be functioning on all cylinders, possibly not managing anything at all. What they do do will be likely to have more errors. When it comes to infectious illnesses productivity will go down because a higher proportion of staff will contract the bug.

whois · 28/07/2015 23:15

If it's long term sick leave then probably ok.

Short term sick I still apply he rule that if you're too sick for school (work) you're too sick to play out.

DancingHat · 29/07/2015 03:45

With hyperemesis I was too ill to go for a meal (obviously!) but not too ill to have to go to the supermarket around the corner from where I work to do an essentials top up shop or I'd eat nothing. I often saw colleagues in there but fortunately (!) I looked awful so 'got away' with it. If you look unwell that does add credibility. YANBU.

LilacWine7 · 29/07/2015 07:54

Dancing why do you feel you need to 'look unwell' to add credibility? I've had hyperemesis (HG) my entire pregnancy, I'm still signed off work at 7months pregnant. The first few months I was too ill to leave the house much, but on good days I can now get out and about, meet friends for lunch etc. It doesn't mean I'm well enough to do my job. HG is very up and down.. some days I feel well all morning then spend all afternoon vomiting. On long-term sick leave I don't think people should feel they must 'look ill' when out in public. If you're covered by a sick-note from GP that should be enough.

Onecurrantbun · 29/07/2015 08:11

Kayden I hope you have a lovely meal. There is a very real risk when physically ill for a long time that mental health can start to suffer - isolation, boredom etc set in quite quickly. I think you should work towards going back to work with shorter spells out of the house - an hour or two at a restaurant sounds perfect.

Sounds like you've had a couple of tough months - hope your medications (if you're still needing them) are compatible with Wine

Onecurrantbun · 29/07/2015 08:36

Interesting the discussions re sick pay. Places I've worked with no sick pay did indeed have people dragging themselves in when ill - especially for example single mums who needed the money. However, many of the younger staff (care industry so lots of school leavers) used to phone in sick with hangovers etc - we weren't paying them so they didn't feel guilty, "it don't cost nuffin if I'm off." Clearly they needed to work on their commitment but I think support (financial and emotional) when people are off sick fosters mutual respect and loyalty from staff.

DancingHat · 29/07/2015 21:31

Lilac just because that's how people make you feel. I'm not saying it's right; it just makes you feel you might be taken more seriously if you 'look unwell'. People shouldn't have to feel like they look ill but as the OP says she's takes some reassurance that she looks unwell to help her feel less guilty if she bumps into someone. People shouldn't have to feel guilty but I know I did when I was 'going shopping' despite having been signed off for 4 months. Flowers to you still suffering. I'm feeding my beautiful 6 week old and reminding myself it was all worth it.

Happy36 · 29/07/2015 21:47

I think it is ok to go out to lunch.

In my early twenties I was very unwell once with tonsilitis. I felt unwell from Friday night and it got worse over the weekend. On Monday morning I was no better so I called into work sick and then made a doctor's appointment. As I lived alone, I had no food in the house and had spent the whole weekend in bed. After the doctor's appointment, having been signed off sick for 3 days, I went to the pharmacy to collect the prescription I'd been given, then popped into the M&S Simply Food next door to pick up a few cans of soup. I looked like absolute death and was carrying a bag from the pharmacy and standing in line at M&S with a basket of soup tins when I bumped into the HR manager from my office and so I gave her the sick note. When I returned to work on the Thursday morning, I was called into a meeting where she told the directors I had been "out shopping in town" (I lived in the centre of town, on the same street as the doctor's surgery, pharmacy and M&S, as well she knew and could have checked in my records). It was utter nonsense but she absolutely went for me and I couldn't make any of them see sense (e.g. the doctor's note). After that they treated me incredibly suspiciously and generally made my life a misery until I resigned. The HR manager was completely insane and after I left some other worse incidents happened with other staff and the HR manager ended up getting treatment for her mental health problems. Not without writing a load of nonsense on my records at that company, though (as I discovered when I requested a FOA from them).

Sorry for the long rant, I just found the incident so unfair and ridiculous, I will never forget it.

thebestfurchinchilla · 29/07/2015 21:49

I wouldn't do it. it's ok to go out of the house to doctor or essentials but not an evening out. Just wouldn't.

green18 · 29/07/2015 21:51

My Dad always said if you'd go out and collect your lottery win then you should be at work!!

SurlyCue · 29/07/2015 22:19

Your dad didnt put too much thought into that one did he green?

Anniesaunt · 30/07/2015 07:36

Sorry Green I think that's rubbish tbh. I speak as someone who does everything they can to avoid calling in sick.

I could walk to my nearest shop that does the lottery and back in 10min, 20 I guess if I was feeling unwell. I wouldn't have to be well presented either just the essential bits covered.

Going to work involves being active (sometimes very active) for a minimum of 11.5 hr over 12.5 hrs, a 40 min commute each way, being alert enough to do calculations and make life or death situations. It also requires me to be properly groomed and dressed to specific standards. All requiring a whole different level of physical and mental health than a 10-20 min visit to a shop after which I could go to bed or at least rest.

OnlyLovers · 30/07/2015 10:57

How silly, green.

I hate the martyr attitude.

green18 · 30/07/2015 18:25

Geez, calm down, was just saying what my dear old Dad used to say and I thought it was relevant because that is how a lot of people still think. My Dad never had a sick day , worked from 15-70 , was just his attitude. So please don't slate him.