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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going out for a meal whilst on sick leave?

130 replies

Kayden · 27/07/2015 10:18

I was invited out for lunch this week with a relative who I rarely see. She knows I've been unwell and will be picking me up, so I don't need to drive. It's nothing fancy but it is in a nice restaurant and I'll probably be out of the house for a few hours.

I mentioned it to a friend who was shocked that I am going, said it's "naughty". Hmm I am now doubting myself and feeling guilty. WIBU to go out for this meal whilst on sick leave?

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 27/07/2015 15:42

Definitely. It's hard also because it would be open to so much abuse wouldn't it. :(

OnlyLovers · 27/07/2015 15:56

'low mood' is a valid medical diagnosis. It's not 'minor'.

And the word 'stress' is massively overused, IMO, and used too casually. Yes, most of us probably feel that work can be very pressured, and occasionally feel stretched a bit thin, but stress proper, as doctors understand it, is not the same as 'busy', not at all.

I can't wait for the day when this ignorance and prejudice dies a death.

manicinsomniac · 27/07/2015 16:03

Yes, but there's a huge grey area between feeling busy and overstretched and being off with proper stress.

What about all those people like me, with similar mental conditions that just aren't bad enough to be able to not go to work. It's so easy to get bitter and angry about people who are just that little bit more sick than you are not being there, especially when you have to do their work on top of yours, making it even harder for you to cope with your own job.

I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying it's understandable.

And I can't agree that a low mood isn't a minor thing, sorry.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 27/07/2015 16:04

2 comments from me

  1. you simply can't be sacked for gross misconduct JUST because you are seen out/posting on social media while off sick. That is a ridiculous thing to believe. Obviously the governors/school are behaving correctly in NOT making the whole story public, unlike the teacher in question. That would be unfair dismissal and would have been all over the press! I'm sure headteachers/governors are all well briefed on employment law to avoid embarrasing publicity! There was however a case of someone (not a tecaher) being sacked for posting photos of themselves scuba diving and surfing etc while allegedly off with a bad back!
  2. I've previously had a period off work, as a teacher, with long term stress for a period of 9 months in all. during that period I was seen not only out and about, but I also did some voluntary work in a charity shop, and was actively encouraged to do so as part of my rehab, by occupational health. Prior to this, I had had phases of not even being able to answer the door or phone in my own home, or go shopping, due to panic attacks, and would sit for hours in a sobbing heap. Prior to this I had had a total of 3 days off in 5 years, with hideous tonsilitis. So I was not one for taking sickies or exaggerating illnesses.

Being unfit for your specific job is not the same as being unfit to do other everyday things.

ActiviaYoghurt · 27/07/2015 16:17

I would go out for a nice meal, enjoy it,

Jdee41 · 27/07/2015 16:46

manicinsomniac

This, for example, I would struggle massively with. I find it incredible that people can be off for something so minor. A 'low mood'?!?! Wow. If I could just take a trip to see my family whenever I felt my mood slipping or struggles starting ... well, that would be like some kind of dream world. And if someone in my place of work did that and left me with their work while I was struggling to deal with my own I would really struggle to keep my mouth shut.

'Low mood' was a diagnosis used by the doctor as a way of highlighting incipient depression which, in his opinion required immediate treatment including signing the employee of work for a few days.

There is nothing in that circumstance which could be called 'minor', and given the level of sick leave the employee could have ended up accruing upon a diagnosis of full-blown depression, a few days sick leave to head things off is surely a reasonable trade?

OnlyLovers · 27/07/2015 16:51

Well, manic, 'low mood' (it doesn't have the indefinite article when doctors use it; I can't help but feel that putting one there MAKES it sound more trivial) is legitimate grounds to be signed off work, so it can't be that minor, IMO.

But anyway, I don't see how you can agree with the bad back analogy but then rubbish 'low mood'; the back analogy illustrates that the two are very comparable.

And to be honest, I think if people feel jealous or angry at a colleague because the colleague is more ill than them, they need to work on that. It's an understandable feeling, perhaps, but I don't think it's a good one to hang on to or just accept.

Jdee41 · 27/07/2015 16:59

And to be honest, I think if people feel jealous or angry at a colleague because the colleague is more ill than them, they need to work on that. It's an understandable feeling, perhaps, but I don't think it's a good one to hang on to or just accept.

I agree with this. When I was at a previous job I was diagnosed with depression following a bereavement - the doctor offered to sign me off, but I was really reluctant to take it as I had heard what colleagues were saying about another person in our company who was off with depression. I didn't want to be talked about like that so didn't taken any time off.

OnlyLovers · 27/07/2015 17:02

How shite for you, Jdee. I'm not wishing depression on you again Hmm Grin, but if you DID happen to need signing off again I hope some of the nice replies on this thread would make you feel more able to accept it!

Jdee41 · 27/07/2015 17:08

I just think that for the OP to be feeling guilty (or be made to feel guilty) about having a little time out of the house is really sad, and I think shutting yourself away if you are feeling mentally quite low is not the answer. Any decent employer should see that.

FWIW, the employee I mentioned earlier has been back at work for a while, is a lot happier and is accessing plenty of support, so there's not a doubt in my head that the time off was good both for the employee and the company :)

Truckingalong · 27/07/2015 17:46

Clearly an unpopular view on here but if you're well enough to go out to a restaurant, then you're well enough to come in to work, even if just for a couple of hours.

OnlyLovers · 27/07/2015 17:47

Yes, I agree, time off at the right time no doubt saves a lot of problems further down the line.

sashh · 27/07/2015 17:48

I think it depends what you are off for and what your job is.

I was criticised in a previous job for being off sick and going shopping. But I had no family near by, my 'friends' who were also work colleagues were not helping and I had to eat, get prescriptions, go to the Dr's.

Recently I had an op and said I felt ready to go back to work but as I had been given a sick note for 2 weeks my employer would not let me back.

Original poster
Kayden · 27/07/2015 18:02

Trucking Surely that depends on the type of job you do and the illness. A construction worker may have some (!) issues working on a site if they've broken their leg.

Out of interest, do you feel the same way about those who are too unwell to work altogether?

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 27/07/2015 18:06

Clearly an unpopular view on here but if you're well enough to go out to a restaurant, then you're well enough to come in to work, even if just for a couple of hours

Oh come on, surely you can see that it totaly depends what your job entails?
If your job is a quiet office based filing and typing job, where you don't have to do heavy lifting or deal with difficult members of the public while feeling fragile, then fine. NOT so good if sitting is painful.
DBro drives a forklift in a massive warehouse - there is also a lot of manual lifting, and health and safety is very strict - if they are signed off too ill to work, eg bad back etc, they dont work because the nature of the work might make them worse.
How is sitting in a restraunt with a friend at all comparable to doing a shift in most jobs??

merrymouse · 27/07/2015 18:18

There are loads of jobs where it would be irresponsible and unsafe to come into work if unfit (and that includes mental illness). Doesn't mean you need to be on bed rest or confined to the house.

littlegreen66 · 27/07/2015 19:02

I've encouraged people in my team who were off with depression following bereavement, following surgery etc. to do normal stuff like exercise and socialising as part of their phased return to work.

Someone with alleged IBS and in too much pain to be at work posting FB photos of themselves eating an enormous piece of cake got short shrift though :).

This kind of approach seems to get the genuinely sick back on their feet and back in the team in a sure and steady way.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/07/2015 19:04

You're on sick leave. Not in prison.
Take no notice of your friend. Honestly people really do have too much to say

prettybird · 27/07/2015 19:24

When I was signed off, this was when I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I'd sit at my desk, look at my emails, know what I needed to do and yet feel paralysed from doing so - which only added to my depression as they picked up.

It was a highly stressed sales role and usually I was really good at it.

In the first few weeks I was off, the last thing I wanted to do was go out - but that was exactly what I needed to do to recover. My mum & dad dragged me out for a cycle ride. I can remember trying to think of an excuse, any excuse, not to go.

Thankfully, my parents weren't judgemental - nor was my boss (with whom I had lunch while I was off Wink)

Truckingalong · 28/07/2015 07:49

Of course it depends on the role and the nature of the sick leave but if there was no such thing as sick pay, it would be remarkable how many people would miraculously feel well enough to come into work.

Original poster
Kayden · 28/07/2015 11:00

Trucking I disagree. We've had our sick pay slashed down to the bare minimum. People are still off sick, both short and long term. It hasn't sorted the problem of under staffing, heavy work loads and poor pay at all.

OP posts:
IceBeing · 28/07/2015 11:51

ha ha trucking, you must be/know some classy types if that is your experience.

In naice workplaces you find you have to send people home when they have come in and they shouldn't have....

GraysAnalogy · 28/07/2015 12:34

Clearly an unpopular view on here but if you're well enough to go out to a restaurant, then you're well enough to come in to work, even if just for a couple of hours

trucking what sort of work do you do? If the level of attention and effort that goes into it is comparable to sitting in a restaurant and eating, you're very lucky.

Jdee41 · 28/07/2015 12:46

if there was no such thing as sick pay, it would be remarkable how many people would miraculously feel well enough to come into work.

If there was no such thing as sick pay, infectious conditions such as flus would spread much more widely as people were forced to come into work, physical ailments would take much longer to resolve (or would become chronic) as there would be no time for recuperation, and productivity would suffer as people would take longer to get over sickness but would be forced to work.

We would become a very sick society and end up with a crippled economy.

SuperFlyHigh · 28/07/2015 12:59

On an add-on to this - about 3 years ago I contracted Norovirus. I was throwing up in the staff toilet at lunch-time and my boss saw me rush into the toilet... I went home and for the next 2 days was violently sick and diarrhoea (?). I was then demanded to come in (even though I felt like a limp rag and had NO energy) and he needed me to do the work. I think it was very much it was a small office and HE came in whilst he was sick.

FFW a few years I certainly would not do this now come in after such a short time off and feeling like shit warmed up!

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