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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Going out for a meal whilst on sick leave?

130 replies

Kayden · 27/07/2015 10:18

I was invited out for lunch this week with a relative who I rarely see. She knows I've been unwell and will be picking me up, so I don't need to drive. It's nothing fancy but it is in a nice restaurant and I'll probably be out of the house for a few hours.

I mentioned it to a friend who was shocked that I am going, said it's "naughty". I am now doubting myself and feeling guilty. WIBU to go out for this meal whilst on sick leave?

OP posts:

merrymouse · 27/07/2015 10:36

Depends why you are on sick leave and what your job is. If you were off work for a couple of days with a cold, I would say you should be staying in bed. However I can think of loads of reasons why somebody might be on sick leave but able to go out for a meal - off the top of my head you are a ballet dancer and you have broken your leg...

SerialBox · 27/07/2015 10:36

OP from what you've said I would go. But I would also maybe have a keep in touch phone call/email to your work and just drop in that you've managed to get out a little bit to try and gradually build up strength/abitilty (hard to say not knowing exactly what's wrong) as you want to be strong enough to return to work as soon as possible.

It keeps them in the loop incase someone sees you and tries to cast shade over your health and it also shows your open to keep in touch with them.

SurlyCue · 27/07/2015 10:37

Yes well I'm sure that teacher had no reason at all to post in a manner that favoured their side of the story and made their employer look unreasonable

SerialBox · 27/07/2015 10:37

Actually 80s the employer is entitled to know also.

FretYeNotAllIsShiny · 27/07/2015 10:39

I'm off sick for a chest infection, into my third week off now. On Saturday I met up with some friends in Leeds. So yeah, I may have looked well enough to be out and about, but what only those with me might have noticed is that I had to sit down and rest several times. I'm certainly not well enough to do a job where I'm physically moving for hours.

WorraLiberty · 27/07/2015 10:40

I'd take that with a massive pinch of salt Butterfly.

As a chair of governors, I've been privy to the reasons many staff members have been sacked.

That doesn't mean it necessarily matches their version of events on social media.

Iggi999 · 27/07/2015 10:41

Being spotted by a governor while out having a meal could never be enough to be sacked if off with stress. That's such scaremongering. Perhaps she had been posting on fb how much fun she was having while pretending to be sick, or something like that.

prettybird · 27/07/2015 10:43

I've been off work twice with stress/depression. Even though going out and doing things (like for lunch or to go cycling with my parents) was the last thing I felt like doing (I just wanted to climb under the duvet and stay there), it was exactly what I needed to do.

Fortunately, my bosses were more understanding than some on here .

Marynary · 27/07/2015 10:43

It depends on what your sick leave is for. E.g. if you are on sick leave after and operation because you have been told you should not move around or do much I think you could go out to eat for an hour if someone drove you there and back.

zazzie · 27/07/2015 10:45

Dh and ds both happened to be off work and school for different reasons on the same day a few weeks ago. We went out somewhere in the afternoon. Much easier than keeping ds in all day climbing the walls.

OnlyLovers · 27/07/2015 10:47

YANBU as long as, as others have said, you're not off sick with anything gastric or that should mean you'd be confined to bed/sofa/home (flu, recovering from an op etc).

But people can be twats about this issue. Your friend can do one, IMO.

IceBeing · 27/07/2015 10:51

op you (and your doctors) know if you are well enough to be at work and you know if you are well enough to go for a meal. There is a HUGE space in between these activities that makes it not only possible but LIKELY that you would be able to go for a meal but not be fit for work.

Don't listen to the bullshitters. Do go for lunch if you feel well enough to.

Ludways · 27/07/2015 10:54

Surely getting out and about to do nice things is part of the convalescence for depression and stress, you'll never get better if you're cooped up in the house, or at least it'll be much harder.

AlfAlf · 27/07/2015 10:57

If you're not able to walk very well is there any chance going out and about will tire you and/or set back your recovery?

If not, you should go for it. Friend probably jealous..

IAmAShitHotLawyer · 27/07/2015 11:05

If you''ve got a sick note off the GP then your covered.

Tattiesthroughthebree · 27/07/2015 11:10

I was signed off for a month following surgery. I was on medication which meant I couldn't drive etc. I was taken out for lunch a couple of times during the second half of the month off, but it didn't mean I was well enough for work. When I got back from the lunches I had a little nap.

For me, staying at home for the whole month, then attempting a full days work would have been madness; I needed to build up to going back.

Original poster

Kayden · 27/07/2015 11:14

I do have a sick note. My consultant is keen for me to take more time off that I am willing to take but for the sake of my sanity, I need to get back to work.

I have been in regular contact with my manager. I have been very open and honest with her about my health problems. I do a stressful job and have fortnightly 2 hour supervision sessions, so it always crops up in conversation. She knows I am not a slacker who would take the mick.

I've had cellulitis with a short stint in hospital for IV antibiotics. It's been complicated by other health problems. It's my lower leg, so my walking is even worse than usual (I am physically disabled).

I did phone my manager this AM and let her know that I am working towards building my strength, getting out more and hoping to be back at work at the end of this week/early next week.

I do feel I need to get out of the house and take my mind off things. I have been wallowing in self pity and misery.

OP posts:

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 27/07/2015 11:18

You must get out of the house,staying in becomes a habit and you begin to feel cut off from the outside world.

Go for lunch and enjoy it.

You have a sick note.
You've kept your manager in the loop.
Your well being is more important than a throw away comment by a friend.

merrymouse · 27/07/2015 11:18

You are being driven to lunch with a relative - it's hardly spending the night on the tiles living it large.

You might have a pleasant time, but it isn't going to be more strenuous than eating lunch at home - less so possibly if somebody else is preparing it.

MadisonMontgomery · 27/07/2015 11:23

Just use your common sense. If you're on short term sick with a bug or something then no - you should be resting in order to get back to work ASAP. Long term, I think you can't be expected to live like a hermit, & in a lot of cases getting out & about can aid recovery. I would be a little at someone having loads of jollies though.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 27/07/2015 11:24

Sounds like a nice lunch is exactly what you need OP. Hope you have a lovely time.

When I was off work with stress my GP specifically told me I needed to try to go out and do some nice things for myself. Sitting at home all day every day staring at 4 walls really wouldn't have helped me recover at all.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 27/07/2015 12:09

Have a lovely lunch. You sound like you a) deserve it and b) have earned it.

Your friend is being a pillock.

LilacWine7 · 27/07/2015 12:11

I think it's reasonable to go out for lunch, considering you've been off sick a few weeks now and it's a long-term condition. If you were off for less than a week or had something contagious I'd say stay home, but you shouldn't have to stay indoors when you're off for weeks. Being cooped up on your own can lead to isolation/depression and delay recovery.

I've been off work sick for almost 5months now (HG and SPD). For the first few months I rarely left the house as I was vomiting all the time, but now I try to get out a few times a week. This often involves meeting friends in town and having lunch out on good days. I'm not worried about being seen by colleagues, although I realise it could look bad. My midwife and obstetrician encourage me to get out of the house as often as possible. Gentle exercise, seeing friends, a meal out, walking around the shops or park... all of these help you recover and build up strength. Very different to doing a full day at work, particularly if you have a physical job. I disagree with whoever said 'if you're not well enough to work you're not well enough to go out' because at work you have a specific role to fulfil and targets to meet. In my job I'm also responsible for other people's safety, so I need to be on the ball and physically able to assist people, and there aren't opportunities to rest regularly or take lots of breaks. I'd rather stay on sick-leave until I can do my job safely and efficiently again. That doesn't mean I'm too unwell to leave the house!

When you've been ill for a while you need to build up your exercise tolerance gradually as well as have regular changes of scene and social contact. OP enjoy your lunch out and don't feel guilty!

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 27/07/2015 12:13

Talking as an ex employment lawyer, it's fine

As others have said, if you rang in today with a vomiting bug or whatever and were then seen out at lunch you'd obviously be disciplined.

Long term illness is different. It is part of recuperating to start doing small 'going out' things.

You don't have to sit in the house all day. Going to the gym for gentle exercise, seeing friends, having lunch, going to the library. All the sorts of things that are normal and sensible as you get better. Maybe bungee jumping or clubbing until 4am less so

helenahandbag · 27/07/2015 12:21

I worked with a guy who went off sick for months and months (definitely more than half a year) and left us in the shit. He was constantly on facebook posting about what he was up to, openly still played football twice a week, off out on jollies, etc and it did piss everyone else off. He had several start dates put in place but just didn't turn up for them, didn't communicate with the management at all while he was off but he wasn't disciplined for it

I think a lunch out when you're on long term sick and in regular contact with your manager is absolutely fine. It's only when people take the piss that it becomes an issue.

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