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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pressure re baby at wedding

486 replies

DeeDee40 · 26/07/2015 16:44

Hello AIBU? Getting married in a matter of weeks. Decided not to invite kids due to cost,type and size of venue. Means that DHs nieces cant come too but thats choice were happy with. A friend contacted me today hinting re inviting her baby who will be seven months by then due to bfing! The message said that her family will have to keep him outside church and reception and phone her when he needs feeding and she hopes the next wedding she goes to will invite him!???? does she expect her family to bring her baby into my wedding ceremony and reception.so she can bf him? My DH not happy as he feels shes trying her luck majorly and if others can find babysitters some of whom have smaller babys then so can she. Not happy

OP posts:
Headofthehive55 · 27/07/2015 19:51

Yes they can be dull affairs! However, we have been to a few weddings with children aged about five and they loved them. They still talk about them now. In fact I think overall they tend to get less bored than I do!

tiggytape · 27/07/2015 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DellaDoolittle · 27/07/2015 20:07

I love child free weddings! I have my own dc and I had children at my wedding but it's much nicer not to have to worry about the kids eating/behaving/getting tired and grumpy. We do lots of lovely things as a family with and for the dcs but I prefer to get a babysitter for a wedding and let my hair down!
That said, I do believe very young babies and certainly breast fed babies should be welcomed. (As long as I don't have to look after them! Grin

Headofthehive55 · 27/07/2015 20:10

We are together so rarely that yes we do tend to spend the time we get off together. It's not a crime, nor is it urggh! I wouldn't be in the slightest bit offended if we weren't invited together, I would just decline politely as I wouldn't want to go. I can choose to do what I want with my time, going to a wedding really doesn't rate very highly. I suppose it's preference, I only have so much time and I have to decide carefully what to do with it and I would choose something of more interest to me.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 27/07/2015 20:36

weddings are a family celebration and it would never occur to me to have a child free wedding, any more than it would occur to me to have a child free do at christmas. children of friends and family are very much part of our circle. the OP smacks of entitled 'you must put me first' bridezillaness. OP is going to be the DIL/SIL from hell!

when DH's old uni friend got married, our 3 DC were 1,4 and 6, and were the only children there. it meant a 3 day weekend for us travelling 300 miles, then the wedding, then travelling home again. And finding a B&B with a family room and able to cater for DDs dietary needs. we could not have gone if the children were not invited. DH MIGHT have gone alone, or he might not. We had met the bride ONCE before the day, when she had bent over backwards to be lovely to the children. At the reception, we were sat conveniently by the door so we could leave if we needed to, and DS (1, and BF) did get restless and was taken out during the speeches to have a romp around the foyer. There were crayons and colouring books in the DDs places, and balloons and those DIY cameras they had great fun with! and then they were made a fuss of by the 2 adult bridesmaids (sisters of the bride, whom we had never met) and allowed to pose with the bridesmaids bouquets. It was all utterly lovely, and a true example that a wedding should be about having the people you love there with you. And being a good host never means putting yourself first.

I am utterly gobsmacked that there are people not even inviting their own stepchildren, half siblings etc to their wedding. wow. Sad

SoupDragon · 27/07/2015 20:39

a true example that a wedding should be about having the people you love there with you

No it isn't. How is a child you have never met, and will probably never meet again, a person you love?

PHANTOMnamechanger · 27/07/2015 20:43

who was takling about children you'll never meet again? if the friends are important/close enough to invite to your wedding, then they are surely going to STAY part of your lives? Or do people really invite adults they never intend seeing again and if so why??

DesertIslander · 27/07/2015 20:51

Lulu I cannot bring myself to fully acknowledge your posts but I'm left speechless that I mother would think it ok to justify something like this with the statement "some people don't like children". They're humans, just young humans.
I do not like rats: young rats, old rats, middle aged rats, but you are talking about human children. Jeeze.

Don't get me started on the BF comment.

mrsdavidbowie · 27/07/2015 20:55

I don't like other people's children. Sometimes I'm not that keen on my own Smile

ARunOfThings · 27/07/2015 20:56

Maybe I'm just very laid back, tiggy, but none of those scenarios would bother me. I'd still assume there was some reason that the other children had been allowed to come (eg they were especially close to the bride and groom or something).

If they were there because their parents had just arrived with them regardless, well, that's not my problem.

But then, if it was going to be a load of hassle to go without my DCs, I'd just politely decline the invite in the first place.

GoldenBubble87 · 27/07/2015 20:56

Recently invited to 4day wedding, no children. I've dd 3months Bf and 2yo . DH attended wedding, the DC and me stayed home . Funny really me and DH had an open wedding all children invited!

SerialBox · 27/07/2015 20:57

We didn't invite any of our friends children. Nobody couldn't attend for that reason but if anyone couldn't have I would have completely understood and apologised and explained our reasoning but wouldn't have changed the decision not to have children there.

SerialBox · 27/07/2015 20:58

Fwiw if I ever get married again I would also be more than happy to have children attend. People tend to choose no kids for a reason. Doesn't mean they don't like them. I love kids.

Bunbaker · 27/07/2015 21:03

"Babies cry and she might not want women breastfeeding during her wedding."

Why does it matter so much if a baby cries? If you know there will be babies there why not ask the parents beforehand to sit near the door during the ceremony and remove the baby if it cries.

Personally, it wouldn't have mattered if a baby had cried during our wedding. As for the breastfeeding comment, words fail me. It says more about the bridezilla than it does about the mother.

LuluJakey1 · 27/07/2015 21:16

That is your opinion Bunbaker but for whatever reason, the bride does not want babies or children at her wedding. Her decision, her wedding. No one has to go to a wedding they are invited to and no one has to invite people they don't want to be there. It is no one's decision but the couple's.

PiperChapstick · 27/07/2015 21:23

I think if people take the "our wedding our rules" mentality the fair enough, but rules mean good friends won't attend the you need to ask yourself what's more important - people who you love enough that you asked to celebrate with you, or sticking to having absolutely everything g your way. The responses of "4 friends dropped out and that's fine" make me wonder if they even like them in the first place.

Sidalee7 · 27/07/2015 21:24

I think no children is fair enough but YABU to exclude a breastfeeding baby. Neither of my dc took a bottle and I couldn't leave them for more than a few hours until they were over a year.

My choice - but I would not have gone to a wedding where I couldn't have taken my baby.

PiperChapstick · 27/07/2015 21:24

*like them much. Stupid iPhone

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 27/07/2015 21:33

I have been in church services with crying babies, noisy toddlers, and they are distracting.

I think the OP should stick to her no child rule and the BF mother will have to decline the invitation if she can't/does not wish to get the baby to take a bottle.

I think weddings are actually dead boring for kids - and hard work for the parents who have to keep them quiet and entertained...

Headofthehive55 · 27/07/2015 21:41

I think it's perfectly fair for the couple to have such rules. They don't need to be logical or fair. It's up to them.

As it is up to the guests to decide whether or not to go. Everyone's different, has different expectations and what upsets one might not another.

People are so different as someone said they would welcome a chance to be child free, whereas we struggle to get to be all together!

I accept some people like to have a drink, dance to disco music, and make social chit chat. I don't mind others doing so but it's just just not my thing.

reni1 · 27/07/2015 22:17

But op does not ask if it is ok not to have kids and friends to say no. She expects her friend to wean, because others with younger kids managed to have babysitter arrangements and managed to get baby used to take the bottle. So the op should read:

"AIBU to want friend to wean for my wedding"

maninawomansworld · 27/07/2015 22:37

Stand firm OP. Your wedding day is probably the ONE day in your life where you are completely entitled to be as selfish as you like and have things your own way.

We had a child free wedding and it was absolutely amazing! Most of our friends already had kids at the time and we didn't so to see them without kids in tow was just so nice, like old times! Most of them thanked us for not inviting kids actually.

One cousin tried her luck and after a few days of agonising we were on the verge of making an exception when another email dropped in to the inbox from another family member asking to bring their DC's so we thought sod it and just said no to both of them.
They came along, were 'off' with us, went home early and have barely spoken to us since . Oh well, don't care, we had a great day!

Headofthehive55 · 27/07/2015 23:03

Maybe they went home early because they weren't enjoying themselves! Always amazes me to hear of the different perceptions of a situation.

clam · 28/07/2015 00:17

"Your wedding day is probably the ONE day in your life where you are completely entitled to be as selfish as you like and have things your own way."
Really? Is it ever OK to be "as selfish as you like?" In fact, I would have thought that the one day when you bring together all your most loved people perhaps ought to be one where you're thinking beyond just yourself, actually.

Bunbaker · 28/07/2015 06:00

"They came along, were 'off' with us, went home early and have barely spoken to us since . Oh well, don't care, we had a great day!"

That says more about you than it does about them.

I agree with you clam

Not wanting to invite children of close family members is supremely bridezilla behaviour. As if the bride cannot bear to not be the centre of attention for even one nano second of the day.