AIBU - my friend pinched a boy

[mamasilla]

My friends and I took all kids to a soft play area today. After 10 mins one of the kids came crying to us saying that another boy had punched him as he wanted to take a toy of him, he identified the kid to us so we decided to keep a closer eye. Five mins later the same happened to my girl. I went over to where the mom was with her friends and asked her to keep an eye as this boy was upsetting the rest. When the mom dismissed my point I pointed out that it would be very unpleasant if one of our kids punched him back. She said that her kid knows how to look after himself (the boy must have been 4 or 5 years old). When it happened the third time one of my friends reacted and pinched (not punched) the offending kid on the arm (his mum continued to be oblivious).
The debate then started, was she being unreasonable? I'd be interested in hearing your views!

Politically correct is being thrown around like confetti isn't it?

Do expand on your perception of my real life, crusts

I can't see that I've said anything remotely unacceptable to you.

Oh crusts I would do love to take this into RL. You are the one hiding behind a computer screen. You will admit doing these horrendous things on here but not in real life? Obviously you don't as you made it clear you haven't had dealings with SS. Please do meet me in RL and we'll allow a neutral agency to be the arbiter of this. Gauntlet thrown down. Now who's hiding?

Crusts - you've got it all wrong.
Biting (etc) back does indeed show them it hurts, as you have correctly said. Unfortunately, it doesn't show them it's wrong though. It shows them it's what you do if you want to hurt someone.

You dont have balance, which is an awful thing not to have, again, I do feel for you.

Well, your reasoning is wrong, sweetie; but everyone except you had already worked that out by your first post on here. Nobody with intelligent reasoning powers goes round biting people.

Oh cut out the faux concern.

I do feel for you

I couldn't give a stuff about the reactions of someone who thinks assault is acceptable and throws phrases like "politically correct" around.

When my mum and her siblings were little my nan had a friend with a little boy my uncle's age (not sure how old they were at the time, but little). One day the boy and my uncle were playing together and the boy bit my uncle. He complained to my nan who suggested he bite him back. My uncle was too afraid and the kid did it again, and again. So my nan took it upon herself to bite him back. People may disapprove or call it abuse nowadays (this was early 70's) but let me tell you, the kid didn't bite my uncle again.

OP She clearly is new to this...had she waited til next Saturday she could have punched him too. *

*pinch punch first of the month

Yeah and my mum was caned in school, it doesn't make it ok. Times change...

im not serially offended sweety and do actually live in the real world so also try to understand your out of context comments.

I try to walk in others shoes a lot and dont scream unbalanced rules. I also wouldnt dream of telling others about their intelligence levels, that again smacks of being passive aggressive.

They are not going to be damaged for life, they are not going to be scarred, they will mostly stop doing it to others

There is a possibility that Crust is being taken out of context. I don't subscribe to this method of parenting with my dc (or others!), but I imagine Crust is talking about a one-off, whereas some people seem to be imagining her doing it repeatedly to her kids all the time.

My own experience is that it was done to me as a small child - I used to bite my brother, and although I was told not to I kept doing it anyway. Eventually my mum bit me to show me what it was like, and (again, I wouldn't choose this way myself) I never bit my brother again. Quite possibly because I didn't fancy having it done to me, rather than because I didn't want to hurt him, but the point is I was only bitten once and never did it again. I also don't have any particular feelings about it, don't feel scarred; it is a quite indifferent part of my childhood.

I wouldn't take this approach myself because I wouldn't feel morally comfortable with it, but I suspect that what Crust is referring to is similar to my own experience. It's like the difference between a tap and a beating. I wouldn't do either, but I can recognise that a tap in context isn't necessarily a cause for such concern as shown here.

Anyway, in regard to the OP, it's pretty obvious that your friend was wrong to do what she did!

There are many ways to undermine a person and you are doing just that, shame on you.

Times change. Some people are incapable of changing with them.
After all, it was deemed acceptable in the past to whip children, rape women and hang people for trivial crimes. Something very real was lost when we stopped doing those things.

I've seen crusts on the windup on other threads. Think she just likes being goady. Best to ignore her. Don't reward the bad behaviour.

Just to be clear, I wouldn't bite a child back myself,and actually posted about my nan after reading the front page of the thread so didn't see the other messages until now. I was just offering an anecdote. I totally agree that it will probably in most cases just teach a child it is ok to bite others!

Thank you for your voice of reason Hilda.

Hilda, she hadn't only hurt her child once. She has bitten the child, of course that quickly morphed to 'nipped' later in the thread to limit the impact. She has also slapped her child in retaliation for them slapping. Please start with pages 2 and 4 and your view may alter.

I'd say my child would have deserved that response after the third time of inflicting injuries on other children. And I wouldn't be punching/kicking/slapping the other mother either - who actually does that in RL?

Let me repeat that I do not wind up and I do not goad. I speak how I find.

What on earth are you talking about saying I have bad behaviour George?

I have another view to some, its allowed! I never ever get nasty, nor do I ever post in a passive aggressive manner.

I said that in jest Manic... Of course i wouldnt. this is aibu after all.

I can only pray that your child does tell someone how you behave and you get the intervention you clearly need. Night all, including you crusts! I'm not returning to this thread as I've had enough of crusts' goading for one day.

It is never okay for an adult to hit/bite a child to teach them some warped lesson.
It is definitely not normal behaviour and if you honestly think that it is, then you should not be working with children.

Hilda. It happened in them days. Not that that makes it right however.
I remember in the 80's I was about 6 years old and chalking outside someone's house. In my nan's really road. The women came out and gave me a clip around the ear handed me a hot wet cloth and said. Get that Chalk off there now. You bold girl. I dearsent had gone and told my nan or I would have got a clip around my other ear to match. I can predict she would have said. You feckin little cow. Making a show of us and having the neighbours talking and point the finger at me.
But we're not living in the 70's and 80's anymore and it is illegal now to mark your own child. Never mind some one else's.

Why are you becoming personal Best?

My son is nearly 18 and fantastic, Im so proud of him I could burst sometimes.

He's kind, funny and social. He's never given me a days worry ever. He's been a naval cadet since 12 and now a kayak instructor and a mentor for NCS The Challenge, currently taking his A levels and going to uni next year to study math.

Yes, I am a single mother too and a fucking good parent. The minute he was born he took priority, I came second.

I have never smacked him ever.

I have "shown" him what was wrong and explained why.

I bit him back when he bit me.

So, there you go.

I dont get cross often but when someone passively aggressively tries to say im a bad parent then, actually it gets to me.

In them days? what on earth is them days? you younger ones will one day say the same, mark my words. Nothing wrong with a bit of elders advice.