To think whole-class birthday parties should be banned?

[FishCanFly]

Done to death threads in this forum. People always complaining about either having to invite unwanted guests and face fallout, or somebody getting excluded.
Its not an official school event, so it should be organized privately. Or am i missing the point?

No one has said they're offended by class party invites, the protestations are about not feeling the need to invite the whole class to their own DCs parties. It's been a while since I've seen so much taken out of context on a thread

If there were no whole class parties there would be a lot of children who never got invited to any.
DS1 is in year 3 and has not been invited to any parties this year. He has AS and doesn't do well socially although he is liked at school and has a few friends he talks science and geeky stuff with he's just not hIgh enough on anyone's list to make the cut wen only 4-5 friends can be invited.
2 girls in his class have also not been invited to any, one because he is very quiet an similar to DS and another who can be quite mean.
DD on the other hand is in year 2 and there are 11 girls in her year, all of whom have had small parties this year of 3-4 girls which is great, means we can have a small party too except she has been invited to every single party plus children's parties not in her year!!!

No one will be offended - I expect they will all go and have a great time. Just don't expect more. It only gets upsetting if someone decides to have a whole class party minus one or two they don't like.

Up until this year I have always invited all the kids, now at 10 ds has decided he only wants the boys so it's go karting and then back to ours for pizza, movie and xbox

I've always made a big deal of birthdays and loved watching all the kids having fun

I always have full class parties upto Y2. The kids all seem to get on and have a great time. During the early years they often play in large groups, and switch between them so its nice to invite them all. I enjoy it too because I work full time and never really get to see my kids interact with that many of their school friends, and you get a nice mix of girls and boys which is good for them. I also get to meet some of the parents which is lovely. When they get to Y2 though we cut right back as they generally have a small consistent group of friends, and we just invite those. Long live the class party

Nice back track OP.

At next year's party I will bask in the glow of knowing that I have upset the party glinches, pleased the children who don't get invited to anything else thankfully don't know of any actually , pleased the parents who struggle to afford gifts, pissed off the parents who think my no gifts request is mean and most of all struck a blow for the idea of maintaining the freedom to party anyway my DS wants to actually I couldn't really give a shit what other parents who are really uptight think

But I might not offer drinks to the parents next year, I was thinking crack cocaine might mix it up a bit.

Chipped you can buy a decent enough present in the factory shop for a quid, you don't have to spend a lot of money. At class party stage most parents don't, they kids get a colouring book or something. Don't think too many parents mind buying a small gift bearing in mind their little one is having a great time at soft play/roller skating etc and getting lunch. And if they do mind, they don't have to accept the invite - no one is going to be offended

And op ... I am a working Mum, in their primary years I don't know all of the parents in the class so the only way of inviting them is via a class list from school. If I was going to only invite the kids I know this year my daughter wouldn't have a party at all because she is going to a new school and won't know anyone!!

MY DCs had small parties in comparison.

Closest I got to a whole class one was when my eldest DS was in Year 1. We hired a hall, booked a Magician and did have about 12 kids ,, it was fine as had use of certain things seeing as it was usually a toddler group we went too on a Tuesday when he was younger.

ie kitchen, hot water urn, some suitable age things to play with etc.

*I see my thread is a hit. Just finish the reading. I did not mean banning people from having them. Just i think they should be parents' and children's own responsibility, off the school. Do it via facebook, whatever. Spare the school staff.

We don't do whole class for a few reasons. My DC have friends who go to different schools or are in different years, plus there are relatives. It would be extremely awkward to have whole class plus some complete outsiders. Not to mention expensive.
As for exclusion, i would certainly exclude some "rotten eggs" -- kids that not only my DC can't stand, but even I as an adult can't stand.*

So don't do a whole class party ..It isn't compulsory either. Not everyone is on Fb, not all schools give out class lists, contact details of parents. Many people have explained there reasons for doing class parties. Like many others my house is far too small to hold a kids party ...But as it is my childs birthday I will celebrate it and spend what I want on a party the same way you are entitled to

Good grief, children's party guest lists are about networking mothers? If you seriously believe this it says more about you than about any party planners you might know.

Ok am I being thick but what is meant by networking mothers? Makes it sound like a conference not a kids party!

Wasn't it simpler when we were children?

Piper in my DDs school, the Mothers hit one another up for professional purposes. A lot run their own businesses and others want to engineer their DC's social lives.

Have to admit as well, I have neither the time to plan an at home party, nor the inclination to amuse 7 or so 6 year olds for 1.5 hours whilst they run around my furniture. I would much rather take the class to an organised party, planned and run by someone else, where the most taxing thing I have to do is chat to the other parents and unwrap the sausage rolls.

Lucy Me either! Whenever people say "Oh just do a baking party at home." I think Wtf? NO!

I don't know why 'networking with other parents' is a laughable or offensive reason to have a whole class party. My DD has finished reception and the whole class parties were brilliant this year for getting to know other parents - and getting to know other parents meant I made couple of new friends, it helped my kids make friends because I knew other parents and we'd set up playdates on the basis of that, and it developed a really nice inclusive class vibe. So often on mumsnet I've seen this scoffing at people who: volunteer for the PTA; who have friendships with other school parents; who hold whole class parties . . . .or indeed have anything other than a grudging, judging, non-engagement with other parents at school. If it's not your cup of tea I totally get that, but it's not BU to make an effort with other parents.

Networking as in professional business no. Networking fixing play dates, hearing which cricket class is good or organising a day trip- yes, I do that at whole class parties.

wings exactly. How else would we get a chance to sit down and have a chat with other parents? My oldest DD is 11 but thanks to whole class parties I've managed to make a lot of friends. We're all going out tonight.

Networking is just a bit pointless because you have 2 yrs at the most before they make their own friends.

Mine always have class parties. Its cheaper for me to hire the community hall and play big games with 30 kids then feed them with a buffet than than it is to take 6 kids to the cinema and pizza express.

The school mine go to won't give out class lists, but they will tell you how many is in the class and will put whole class invitations into the kids' trays (they do the same with Christmas cards - mostly it's the kids who give them out along with school letters and the likes so doesn't take up the teacher's time.). They won't get involved in smaller parties as they don't have the time or inclination for sorting specific invitations.

I did a whole pre school class party for my DD1 when she was 4, i did not know most of the mums and could not rely on my DD giving me all the children's names, so i asked the leader if she could do me a list of all the children, so I could invite them all, she said yes that's fine, turns out she missed 2 of the children, which I did not know at the time of the party except for afterwards when I got a message saying how bloody mean I was for excluding 2 children out of 20 on purpose was downright disgraceful. I truly had no idea as I was told all children were on the list, I felt awful for ages.

Because of this I have not done a class party again.

I've done whole class parties for my children in yr r,1 &2. It had nothing to do with networking or showing off. I just honestly think that at that age it's really hurtful to not get invited so invite everyone.
As my dd went into yr 3 though we just had a group of girls round the house. It was much more manageable less stressful & they had a great time.
I gave the invites out to the yr 3 party. I still had 1 parent hissing at me why her child wasn't invited. (It was only because my dd & her dd didn't really play together) as of course the kids had talked about it
Parties are hard!

I couldn't be bothered to read this whole thread but the bits I have read are complete rubbish. I can't believe you're so worked up about this OP. Have a whole class party for your CHILD (not for you) or don't. No one will care.