To think whole-class birthday parties should be banned?

[FishCanFly]

Done to death threads in this forum. People always complaining about either having to invite unwanted guests and face fallout, or somebody getting excluded.
Its not an official school event, so it should be organized privately. Or am i missing the point?

I suppose there's nothing wrong with it unless the birthday child is being forced by their parents, to invite kids they can't stand.

And it seems that's often the case.

Of course whole class parties shouldn't be banned, but perhaps it won't be long before the trend dies out, and people go back to inviting actual friends.

we had a whole class party for dd1 in YR1
venue charges the same for 15 kids as for 30
miles easier just to invite everyone
no offence taken if people don't want to come for whatever reason, but most 6 year olds I know rather like parties, even if the parents mistake a friendly invite for networking/showing off/grasping for return invitations/induction into a weirdy religious sect

Ignore the 'too'.

Networking opportunity? How does that work then when you drop and run??! What a load of chippy nonsense.

I'm very grateful the children in my dc's new class had whole class parties because ds being the new boy would have been excluded. The invitations have really made him feel welcome in a new school.

Whole class parties are great! They're also not mandatory so if you don't like them don't have them. What a silly aibu.

If you want to a whole class party have one. If you don't then don't. Can't see the problem with either - or the need to criticise either.

Round here parties in Reception, Year 1 and Year 2 are often whole class (soft play or a hired hall). They tend to get smaller as children get older.

And as a teacher I must have given out thousands of invitations in my time and never once had a problem with it. I've always taught Reception or Year 1 and would rather I or a TA give out invitations rather than let the children do it and lose them or give the wrong invitation to the wrong child because they couldn't read the name or take half an hour over something that would take us 5 minutes.
We are allowed to give out class lists to help parents with invitations and Christmas cards; we just aren't allowed to give out lists with children's surnames on.

As a mum I liked the whole class parties - it gave me a chance to chat to other mums (and that wasn't anything as ridiculous as "networking" - just chatting and getting to know them) that I couldn't talk to on the playground because I was inside the school setting up my classroom or teaching my class.

And another thought - if teachers can't give out invitations, and it is supposed to be done on the playground by parents, does that mean that those children who go to breakfast club and after school club every day (which sometimes happens) never get to have a party?

I didn't have a class party but about 25 out of 2 classes...This was because he was bullied and I thought he needed a boost. The year before was about 20 simply as he didn't have a close knit group of friends. they have got smaller every year.. this year he had one friend to do something special with

I think it is all about the mothers.

Madness. You could have 30 parties a year and so it is vastly expensive. The small child gets lots of children they don't really know. 6 a year is plenty.
One child per age of the child is much nicer and then you can have it very simple and at home.

As it stands the child arrives, can't have the pleasure of seeing his present unwrapped, they go in a black bag. The mother then types a little thank you, possibly the child signs it, but they haven't a clue who gave what. All very impersonal.

Judging by the other thread many parents think it perfectly acceptable to leave one child out, unless it is a 'nice' child, but you can easily do it to a 'horrible' 4 year old because they should learn the lesson they are horrible!

Thankfully we never had them when mine were young.

Other parents are then pressurised into thinking they have to have one. Hopefully they can ignore it and have their own small party.

Some schools are weird.

Our school frequently distributes community information a well as school letters, recognising perhaps that the children are part of the wider community. I've genuinely never considered that a teacher might object to handing children a piece of paper at the end of the school day, and clearly neither have the teachers at my DCs school. My DC go to both breakfast and after school club so I don't have the opportunity to get into school and undertake this activity myself. I'm even more appreciative of their complete lack of pettiness than I was before.

My DD1 turns 4 next week and we've invited her nursery class. We also intend to have a full class party for her when she's in reception too. The hope is to maximise the number of return party invitations she gets so that her school life is off to a good start and she makes lots of friends.
I look forward to not having to do this anymore as I hate going to children's parties and making small talk with random people but I hope it will help my DD1 to settle in well at school and make lots of lovely new friends.
I don't think a full class party is a cliquey thing because by its very nature everyone is invited. I suppose it could be perceived as a bit showoffy though because IT costs quite a bit to throw one.

honestly, I think people on here are NUTS about parties. They're not some big political thing, it's just an occasion for kids to overeat and have fun.

I did a whole class party for my son's fourth birthday mainly because I wasn't sure who he was friendly with (his birthday is quite early on in the school year). Given that he isn't actually hugely sociable, he probably would have been fine with just a family party then, although he is talking about having a big party already for his fifth birthday. Of the 26 children in nursery, 14 have had a whole-class party (some have been joint with another child). All invites have been given out with the help of the teachers. It would have been difficult otherwise; some children finish at 11.45, some at 12.30, some at 3.20 and some stay at after-school club.
The parties have also been a good way of getting to know the other parents.
Hopefully when he gets to about six we will be able to just invite a few friends over.

The hope is to maximise the number of return party invitations she gets so that her school life is off to a good start and she makes lots of friends.

Kids aren't stupid though.

They tend to work out pretty quickly that if someone (no matter how unpopular) has a class party, they'll nearly always get an invite to everyone else's, and that it has nothing to do with making friends.

If kids don't like each other, attending a party for a couple of hours will not change that.

The hope is to maximise the number of return party invitations she gets

Do people really look at parties like cash transactions?!

No, they just want their child to get to go to some parties, and may know that that may not happen due to a lack of friends/family nearby. Is that really so hard to understand?

I did whole class because she had different best friends every week at age 4 and 5. Only a handful were never mentioned and it would have been mean to exclude so few. No bullies in class.

This thread has thrown me a bit, my youngest starts school this year and is having a joint birthday party with another child those birthday is within 10 days. The two of them went to nursery (not the school one), and we are inviting the whole intake of 45. Only because their birthdays are within a month or so of starting school, so friendships groups won't be formed. Nothing to do with networking, as neither me or the other mum do school drop off or pick up at school time. We just thought it would be a nice thing to do, and we have said no need to bring a gift or bring one and we will split the present pile between the birthday children. Now not sure it's a good idea, but hall and entertainer booked...

We had a whole class party last year. It cost a fortune, was a massive headache and very stressful for me. Dd had the time of her life as did the 33 other children that came, many said it was the best party they'd ever been to. I've never seen dd so happy so it was worth every penny any moment of stress.

This is just one more thing that gets ridiculously overthought on MN. Who cares, really if another parent wants to throw a massive party for their own child? Why does there have to be something sly or unpleasant behind it?

I genuinely don't see the problem:

If you don't like whole class parties/can't afford one - don't have one.

If your child is invited to too many parties throughout the year - say no. Just tell you child that they only attend for good friends.

If you can't bear the party Mum and your kid is too wee to drop and run decline.

I have twins, in different classes. We physically couldn't manage whole class parties (I.e 60 children) so we never had them. My dd would invite all the girls from her class and my DS all the boys from his plus a few extras each so we generally had about 40 kids.

This never stopped us being invited to or accepting invites from the boys in her class or the girls in his.

If my child doesn't like the party host we politely decline. If a party clashes with something else, we politely decline.

In four years of attending this school I am unaware of any angst surrounding whole class parties.

Perhaps I just have more to do.

aurorie it's a lovely idea. Don't worry, this is just one of those MN things, it doesn't represent real life!

Exactly Nicky.

I think it says more about some of the posters tbh than the parents organising the party to think such mean spirited stuff.

Clearly all those sniping about inclusive free parties (except cost of gift which could be minimal) have never bloody well done one!

Ime they are hell on wheels to organise and deliver and v v expensive. Nothing fun about that.

So, to recap, parents who organise whole parties are selfish bitches because they're a) networking, b) forcing their kids to spend time with bullies or just kids they (gulp) aren't bestest best pals with, c) pressuring other parents to do likewise, and d) cynically trying to rake in as many return invitations for their child as possible? Have I covered each and every heinous party-throwing crime there? Only on Mumsnet...