To be annoyed at being asked at work to prepare drinks and serve lunch

[Livingtothefull]

I work in an office with around 4 other people, all female, and have been here about 6 months. A couple in the office are PAs and there is a more junior person who supports them & me. I work in a recognised profession and was employed specifically in that professional capacity in a new standalone role; because mine is broadly speaking a 'back office' rather than customer faced role I have been put together in the department with the others although our jobs are largely separate.

It so happens that there is a meeting next week for which a sandwich lunch has been ordered and none of the others will be in the office that day....I have been asked to make sure the sandwiches are laid out and make the teas/coffees.

I am quite prepared to be told I am being arrogant and over precious but: AIBU to be really annoyed about this? I don't intend to denigrate anyone who has chosen a PA role; they are often very talented/qualified people in my experience. Also it is not that I am not willing to support colleagues and muck in when necessary.

But I have worked really hard and studied in my own time & expense to achieve senior professional status and get respect, and so I could do interesting work in the office which I have chosen to do. I also need to get taken seriously so that colleagues understand what I can bring to the business & approach me for support, this is already proving challenging. It is quite a traditional company & I have already been introduced by a senior manager to staff as 'the new (profession name) Assistant' (not my correct job title).

So I think some people are already confused about what my role is. How is it going to help if I am seen to carrying jugs of tea & fruit juice, and trays of sandwiches for meetings?

The meeting by the way is mostly internal and all male..I am not involved in it at all. I am annoyed that it always seems to be the women by default who are asked to do these tasks (there are various male workers in support roles who never get asked).

What about the majority of women who aren't brilliant though, do they just need to take it?

Stealth, I am talking to this particular thread - the OP has given the strong impression that she is working to establish herself as brilliant in her chosen profession (para 4 in OP), but that as she is new, her colleagues don't yet know how to place her.

All professional women, brilliant or not, can choose how they handle particular situations.

And some of the most impressive, well-paid, influential and ambitious women I know are PAs. Unless it is formally part of their job description, I would give them the exact same advice.

You were caught off guard by the request when in a new job so understandably didn't respond assertively enough. I would get out of it now but I wouldn't complain to anyone until I understood how the company works generally in these sorts of situations. The PA asked you which suggests she is looking for informal cover for something she would normally do . I would go back to her and explain that something has come up that means you can't now do it (make up a meeting if necessary).

Then in a sort of "how can we solve the problem?" type conversation ask her who would normally do this sort of thing in the absence of admin support and ask how meeting support is normally dealt with. You can make some alternative more appropriate suggestions for who she could ask if she seems stuck (i.e the most junior member of staff involved in the meeting or the male admin clerk).

That way you look like a team player who is helping to solve a problem but you will also be able to ascertain the way this company deals with these issues and you will be better equipped to handle any inappropriate requests like this in future.

One of the most offensive things I read on this post was the mere suggestion that any female being assertive in the workplace would come across as a 'raving feminist'. It just goes to show how far some women have to go if they think being assertive would classify a woman as a 'raving feminist'.

As for any woman saying in the year 2015 that 'a raving feminist profile doesn't too anyone favours when they are trying to establish themselves' I am utterly speechless. SPEECHLESS!

Whilst I am on the topic the words 'Camel had a nice email suggestion' don't really do it for me either - 'naice'. If anyone wants to classify me as raving please go ahead. I am raving mad with the responses posted by women on this thread. I am going to ring my 18 year old DD. She has no qualms about sticking up for herself and thank God she is the future.

She is about to spread her wings and trust me she sees men and women as equals. 2 0 1 5 - wake the fuck up.

Ok Browers...I will leave with you with your outrage and SPEECHLESSNESS. I'm sure it makes you very successful.

Since I built my business for 15 years to a turnover of over £4million, employing 38 women (and 2 men, the most junior in the team), women who I coached endlessly to be assertive while we won huge projects with some of the most male dominated clients in London...and then I sold that business for a vast sum last year...I feel pretty comfortable with my approach.

With respect, your 18 year old daughter who you keep mentioning (with even more exclamation marks) doesn't yet have the foggiest idea what navigating her way through business is going to be like.

I would not email anybody. I would have told the PA that I was not employed to make tea and coffee and organise lunch. See it's very easy. There isn't even any need to make peurile references to anybody's genitals.

LH My DD has been working part-time since she was 14 years of age and worked full-time each summer and Christmas whilst at school. She has spent this summer in a European country on her own working full time using her foreign language skills. She went on annual exchanges every summer from 15 yearsof age whilst at school, arranged by herself, in Spain and France.

It doesn't surprise me one bit that you automatically assume that an 18 year old woman hasn't the foggiest idea what navigating her way through business is like.

She has studied international business with languages.

It just saddens me to see women in the workplace expected to making tea and coffee for men when it is not part of their job description. It saddens me even more that anyone would ever recommend that a woman takes sick leave or annual leave so that they could avoid saying aloud that they are not prepared to do it. I find it galling that any woman would refer to a confident woman in the workplace as a raving feminist.

Camel if you think your email suggestion would cause any organisation to reflect and review its position you are living in cloud cuckoo land. An employment tribunal might do the job.

Camel, laughing out loud here. And agreeing!

I think CamelHump's email is very well judged because it effectively asks management to articulate why they think OP should undertake this task. Hence the 'getting them to reflect' bit. It's assertive without being aggressive which is in general a good thing, and also allows the OP room to move up to aggressive if she needs to, without going straight to Def
Con One.

Surely, the PAs must have made arrangements for the food for lunch to be delivered and tea/coffee to be included?

Were I in OP's position, I would gladly help, by either ensuring the food and drinks arrived on time, chasing up if needed, or showing someone attending the meeting where the kitchen was so they could sort out the drinks. I would have no problem being able to simultaneously be helpful and hands-off.

I've a degree and a post-graduate qualification and have worked as a PA. In my last interview for a PA job, which I worked in for nine years with the same boss, he asked me what I would do if whilst having a busy afternoon in the office he appeared at about 4.00 pm after a long lunch and asked me to get him a coffee. I replied that I'd point him in the direction of the kitchen and ask him to make a cup for me whilst he got his own. I'm sure it wasn't just that comment that got me the job.

Just reading this thread for the first time and was going to suggest something similar to Camel's email. It may be blatant sexism (sadly, it probably is) but that email is professional and not confrontational. It draws a firm line.

It's hard to deal with sexism in the workplace, I'm dealing with it atm and it's not an easy subject to raise. Especially when you then have to go and work with the person you've raised the issue with!

The correct thing to happen in the circumstances would be the food and drink are ordered ready for the meeting and someone actually involved in the meeting is told: "Apologies but xx is off today. Your refreshments will be left in the kitchen for one of you to take to the meeting room."

Why on earth are you involved at all? I would say something along the lines of: "I'm always happy to help out where necessary, but I just want to ask why I'm being asked to serve drinks and sandwiches for this meeting? Isn't there a support worker involved in the meeting who can help with that? It's quite different from my usual role."

It's sexism.

OP - Just mention to the pa you spoke to that having thought about it there really is no earthly reason why those involved in the meting cannot sort this out for themselves. There is no further explanation you need to give. You haven't promised anyone that you'll do it. If they can wipe their own arses without your help they can sort out some sandwiches and drinks.

I'm not at all assertive, but when I was asked to do something similar, admittedly by a secretary conveying the request, I just laughed and she slunk off. (Not helping, I know.)

Just a thought, be prepared for the fact that they might say that it's because you are not in the meeting that you are best placed to prepare lunch, as all those involved are going to be busy "meeting."

Not saying they're right, just prepare a response in case.

Clam I think there are plenty of men who also aren't in the meeting

What happened then OP?

Yes - let us know OP!