To be annoyed at being asked at work to prepare drinks and serve lunch

[Livingtothefull]

I work in an office with around 4 other people, all female, and have been here about 6 months. A couple in the office are PAs and there is a more junior person who supports them & me. I work in a recognised profession and was employed specifically in that professional capacity in a new standalone role; because mine is broadly speaking a 'back office' rather than customer faced role I have been put together in the department with the others although our jobs are largely separate.

It so happens that there is a meeting next week for which a sandwich lunch has been ordered and none of the others will be in the office that day....I have been asked to make sure the sandwiches are laid out and make the teas/coffees.

I am quite prepared to be told I am being arrogant and over precious but: AIBU to be really annoyed about this? I don't intend to denigrate anyone who has chosen a PA role; they are often very talented/qualified people in my experience. Also it is not that I am not willing to support colleagues and muck in when necessary.

But I have worked really hard and studied in my own time & expense to achieve senior professional status and get respect, and so I could do interesting work in the office which I have chosen to do. I also need to get taken seriously so that colleagues understand what I can bring to the business & approach me for support, this is already proving challenging. It is quite a traditional company & I have already been introduced by a senior manager to staff as 'the new (profession name) Assistant' (not my correct job title).

So I think some people are already confused about what my role is. How is it going to help if I am seen to carrying jugs of tea & fruit juice, and trays of sandwiches for meetings?

The meeting by the way is mostly internal and all male..I am not involved in it at all. I am annoyed that it always seems to be the women by default who are asked to do these tasks (there are various male workers in support roles who never get asked).

Yabu because nobody else will be in the office that day.

There will be lots of people in the office that day. Why bother posting if you aren't going to RTFT?

I was once actually in a similar position OP, except I was asked by an older male employee to "just go and make me a cup of tea would you please love?", just as I had settled down to participate in a company meeting (my first at that company). We hadn't been introduced, and I'm pretty sure he assumed that I was a secretary/pa instead of a professional.

I said "no, that's not what I'm here for". I said it in such a firm way that he momentarily looked as though he was going to argue and then changed his mind. I later heard him asking one of the secretaries to make him a cup of tea. Why he was incapable of making his own tea or bringing a cup of tea from the nearby hot drinks machine with him to the meeting, I don't know.

tbh I was pretty shocked. It was my second job out of university, I'd worked hard to get there and I'd never encountered sexism before. Even more shockingly, when I told this tale to female friends, about 40% of them said I should have just made the tea!

Anyway, it never did me any harm, if anything it did me good because I didn't get stupid requests like that again and was treated with respect by him and his colleagues in the future. In fact, the only employee I had a problem with and who I told that tale to was the actual pa! And she was female.

I would just say no. Its your employer's problem if they make a carry on out of it. I agree totally with Turskerfull, who said: I decided early on that my reputation as a credible professional was more important than risking a reputation as a difficult person, Feminazi or whatever else people call women who stand up for themselves.

Am I mistaken in thinking that the general consensus on this thread is that the OP either concocts a meeting to avoid doing the lunch or sends an email saying that there is some confusion about whose responsibility it is?

If that is the case can someone please explain to me why a woman in the workplace in 2015 should not openly refuse to make the lunch for a group of males in the workplace?

Did someone up thread really advise the OP to play along so that she is not seen as a 'raving feminist'? I am seriously hoping that I have fallen asleep and am dreaming this this thread.

You could always take the male attitude to it: do such a bad job that you never get asked again.
Simply dump some sandwiches, still in wrappers, and a carton of milk in the kitchen. If anyone asks where lunch is, tell them and say "I assume you are capable of sorting it yourselves".
Or get a poncey tray of sandwiches brought in at huge expense.
Either way, order fillings that no-one likes.

I would have a strategic sick day in order to ensure this does not become your job by default.

Who asked the OP to do it?

Why should a woman have to take a strategic sick day to avoid saying that she is not sorting out lunch for a meeting in which she is not involved? Someone else up thread suggested she takes a day's leave.

Please someone explain this to me because I am struggling to understand why a female in the workplace cannot look a colleague in the eye and say that they are not going to sort out the lunch?

I have cultivated ways to not be treated in this way. I don't have access to the room booking system (I could have but we have a PA so why would I?) I only do the tea in meetings if we have guests I invited - then it's a courtesy thing not position. I will pick up phones (but we all do). There's lots of other ways as well. It sounds petty but my view is that the men doing my job arent expected to do these things so why should I? And why should I feel guilty about it? We have admin staff and my time is expensive so it's a waste for me to do them. The fact that this still happens really annoys me!

I just asked my 18 year old DD if she would a) make the lunch and b) make up some excuse not to make the lunch. Thank God she said a resounding no to both questions. Thank God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It still happens because women don't put an end to it.

Someone on another thread recommended a book called 'nice girls don't get the corner office'. It's a bit American but deals with lots of issues like this and how to present yourself as a professional at work. Could be good reading for you OP. I found it really interesting - particularly as a lot of the advice is about taking the emotion out of situations and dealing more with facts.

Good luck with this issue. I agree with everyone who's suggested that you deal with this head on - but very calmly and low key. If you arrange another meeting / sick day etc you'll just find yourself in a similar situation in a few weeks. Time to stick up for yourself and behave as you mean to go on.

You are right to be irritated. It happened at my last job. I was always being asked to do things like this despite being more senior, unsurprisingly the more idle people were never asked. Very irritating. Yanbu

I'm pretty sure he assumed that I was a secretary/pa instead of a professional.

^^ that upthread along with hire more PA's/ Tea Ladies

made me chuckle.

I am a PA I have two degrees having one was a requirement for my role. I am a professional with a very demanding job. I have never ever been asked to make tea/coffee/lunch for anyone and never would be as it is not part of my role or in my job description and we have a catering dept for this type of thing.

OP if you are not happy doing this, simple then do not do it. However, as you are in such a small office and if you feel you must, then ask for assistance from whomever is around. Can't you order in?

misbegotten I am a PA I have two degrees having one was a requirement for my role. I am a professional with a very demanding job. I have never ever been asked to make tea/coffee/lunch for anyone and never would be as it is not part of my role or in my job description and we have a catering dept for this type of thing.

Quite right too. However the man I am talking about was definitely the type to assume that female secretaries or personal assistant's jobs certainly include making tea for random males. He would never conceive that such a role would not include such responsibilities.

Ironically, that employer had a canteen right next door. You had to go past the hot drinks machine to get there!

What I don't understand is how the other people in the OP's company/firm are so incapable they can't fetch their own already made sandwiches or make their own tea and coffee!

I don't think recent posters have actually read the whole thread.

No one has advised OP to go along with it - just a variety of ways suggested as to how she handles it - all valid ways.

A PA asked her to do it, and OP has said nothing to suggest the group of males who happen to have the said meeting even know she has been asked to organise their lunch.

It's insidious, though. I have worked in several male-dominated careers where I would be the only woman at a meeting. A tea tray would be brought in and all the men look at me expectantly. I would look back until one of them cracked. They seemed to believe that pouring tea would make their testicles shrink.

PS at a meeting last week, the MD of the company offered to make me a cup of tea. Which was a refreshing change, though he brought it back in and gave it to somebody else!

I have read the entire thread and I am aware that the OP was asked by a PA. My initial response was for the two comments made in relation to PA's..

LH I have read the entire thread. I have seen the suggestions on how the OP should 'handle' it and consider none of them to be valid. Take a sickie or a day's leave - are these people for real? Even worse - do it nicely so that you don't come across as a raving feminist.

It is completely irrelevant whether or not the men at the meeting know that the OP has been asked to organise the lunch.

Good Jesus, 2015!!!!!!!!! Thank fuck my own DD aged 18 was as equally horrified as me.

I had this issue at my last work place when a manager nothing to do with my department and who had a PA kept asking me to get her crisps/teabags ect from upstairs. On the 3rd time I told her to use her legs and get it herself. I think sometimes people who have worked somewhere long think they can tell new staff what to do even if you have nothing to do with them.

This would nver happen at my work as we have a facilities team that sort all of that sort of thing out. But theres no way I would organise a fake meeting. I would just email the organiser of that meeting and introduce yourself and say about the PAs being out and that they will have to sort out the catering. I actually dont understand what the issue is.

I've suggested organising an. important meeting, not as an excuse - more to hammer home the point that op's job involves important meetings.

Browsers, agree entirely that day off or sickie are entirely unnecessary. She should feel (and behave) far too credible to feel the need to do that.

My sense from what she shared was that a casual approach in the first instance was wise (poster Camel had a nice email suggestion), rather than be seen to jump to openly infuriated conclusions about what was inferred by a PA asking her to do this.

'Raving feminist' profile doesn't too anyone favours when they are trying to establish themselves (it may turn out to be necessary down the road, which would be sad as OP likes her new role). She would be smarter, in my view (I don't think I am as !!!!!!! about this as you, more interested) to pass on this casually (and the next time, and the next time) without raising the subject of 'penises and vaginas' as other posters amusingly put it.

I am not debating that sexism is insidious in lots of / most organisations; and we possibly don't differ in basic belief that much, just how to go about handling it. In my experience I have found that senior women can achieve the same result by getting on with being brilliant, and almost amused if someone mistakenly asks her to do something so ridiculous for a professional in her position (one or owns either a penis or vagina).

YANBU OP. The people actually in the meeting should organise and set out their own lunch if no-one whose usual responsibility it is isn't there. This would happen where I work.

Just want to flag up, as misbegotten has, to one or two posters here that PA's are also professional people who take their roles extremely seriously.

If you are already having difficulty with the traditional male hierarchy of the company then do what camel said. Take a firm but subtle stand against it.