Hello all, DH seems to always be frustrated in our relationship to the point where he has little outbursts of sulking, moodiness and swearing. The things which particularly set him off are if the house is slightly untidy (it is always pristine). Or if he needs to work in the garden he carries it out with an air of annoyance. He says he cannot relax until things are tidy and jobs are done. When he has these outbursts, it makes me feel like I want to do a number 2 - it chills me and makes me feel on the edge. He knows this but carries on anyway, stating that he is not being unreasonable about being frustrated from time to time.
However, it has really got me down and I always seem to be anticipating his mood. He has said some really mean things that I can't shake off and I feel a bit damaged. He also puts that down to not really meaning it and being frustrated at the time.
So any little outburst of frustration from him will really affect me to the point that I feel I can't be with him anymore. When I confront the behaviour, he just brushes it of as me not being able to deal with adults getting annoyed.
Last weekend, for example, we went to an event and were stuck in traffic. My way of dealing with it would be 'oh well, annoying, but we can't do anything about it' kind of thing.
His reaction was to keep banging the steering wheel, swearing, growling, going on and on about how we always fail, and we should have got up earlier and we are always rubbish. He kept saying he was goin to have a breakdown - and the atmosphere in the car was blue. DS aged 4 was in the back saying nothing, being a good little boy. I said to DH, why don't you walk if you are frustrated and I will drive and meet you there(I had seen on my phone map that we were 1.7 miles away). He spitted that I always say stuff that doesn't mean anything and don't know what I am on about, and how could I expect him to walk on a verge with stingers. He chose to stay in the car and keep complaining that we were missing all the best stuff.
We finally got there and we didn't miss the best stuff, but there was a bit of a walk to the arena. DS is only little and cannot walk fast but I could see DH face getting more and more annoyed as he cannot walk slow.
On the way home, I confronted him about his behaviour and said he behaved like a prick. I know I should not have use that name (but it was the first time I used any insult in 16 years of being together and it was probably the first time I stood up to him).
He did not take kindly to that and rolled his eyes, shut down the conversation and refused to help me navigate home. There were several roads closed and I didn't know where I was going. I asked him if I should go right and he made out he didn't know (with attitude). I proceeded to turn right and it was wrong and he screamed at me (turn fucking left!!!!) luckily DS was sleeping.
A horrible atmosphere followed for a couple of days. I apologised for using the p word. Suggested couples counselling (which was originally his idea but he was now saying he would feel uncomfortable and embarrassed talking in front of a stranger).
I asked him if he wanted something to eat for dinner one evening and he didn't answer me or look at me. I asked him again, he said yes please. I made him the dinner which he was pleased with because afterwards he was hugging me. So confusing, he oscillates from moods to being happy i can't keep up with it.
When I tried to discuss it last night again, he shut it down and made it my problem that people get frustrated from time to time and I am unable to deal with this which is normal. I said it isn't acceptable if it makes me feel terrible and he replied in a sarcastic tone that he was sorry for getting frustrated and disturbing 'your lovely life'.
I know the traffic situation seems minor, but it is just to illustrate. It makes my stomach feel tight and puts me on edge.
Who has the problem? Is it me being sensitive, or is it quite common for partners to behave this way when they are annoyed?
Thanks