to ask why, if it's generally accepted to be the behaviour of a twat, do parents exclude a couple of kids from class parties?

[Chippedrippedandstinking]

Inspired by Lappy's thread, we all agree it's wrong and yet it happens. With flame amnesty, will abuone admit to doing it, and if so, why?
And if it happened to you, did you call the parents on it?

I've only seen it once, the mother was taken aside and an invitation was issued.

Sorry cross posted there.

In whose opinion is it nicer all round - yours? I enjoy the big parties and the kids enjoy them. I don't need it to be cheaper, and franlkly it isn't much cheaper anyway. I think you are on another planet if you think that a birthday party should be dictated by a bully child rather than an innocent child whose party it is. Still you make your decisions I make mine. And to be honest your opinion is so far off the mark in my view it holds absoutely no credence.

lucylooloo I wish it could be that way in my school, the Traveller kids always get left out!

So a bully's victim cannot have the party they always have, to spare the feelings of the bully? And their siblings can't either? You might think that a smaller party is nicer, better and superior in every way, but I bet lucy's children like their big parties, and I see no good reason why their celebrations should be diminished, because of the bully's feelings.

Thank you SDT

If you don't want to give any credence to the view that you can have a nice party and be kind- then ignore it.
I prefer to bring up my children to be kind - especially when there is an easy alternative.
Treat others as you would like to be treated is my way.

You are welcome, lucy.

I never got whole class parties, but if I had been told I couldn't celebrate my birthday the way I wanted to, unless I invited my bullies, I would have been devastated. And it would have felt like the ultimate betrayal by my parents (to add to them doing bugger all about the bullying).

But I am clearly not a saint - or even a nice person - unlike some on here.

The idea that a party should be planned around a bully and made smaller to spare their feelings is ridiculous what message does that send our children that your feelings are irrelevant as a victim no wonder domeatic abuse is on the rise if we teach kids that they must have a bully at their party or be careful not to hurt their feelings.

Thank you itsmine, and for what its worth I agree with your post. I wouldn't exclude one child from the class just because my kid didn't like them, if there are 30 kids there then they don't even have to see them at the party!! But Methitabel's attitude is just unbelievable.

Treat others as you would be treated eh? Spot on. So don't bully them, and you get to go to the party

Depriving children of the celebration they have always had, and expect, is not an easy option, mehitabel. Making your own child unhappy is never an easy option.

And you cannot tell me that lucy's children would not be unhappy to be told they could only have a small party when they are used to a big one.

Not a saint- just try to treat people kindly, especially when children and they already have disadvantages. They are not born 'bad'.

I teach mine to be nice and kind but also that there are times when you put yourself firat and that at certain times their feelings are more important than others

Honestly Mehitabel are you implying that my children don't know how to be kind because I excluded a child who devestated their sibling, my nuclear family, and my extended family. You think that will turn them into unkind people. What a joke.

So, lucy has a child who is being really seriously bullied, and you would make their birthday a less happy and special celebration - and thus would make them unhappy on a day when they deserve to be happy - in case the bully felt left out or had hurt gpfeelings?

You would seriously tell a child they didn't even deserve to be happy and have the party they wanted, on one day of the year, their birthday - when every single bloody school day is a misery, because of the bullying?

I could not do that to my child.

I don't think Mehitabel is being kind. She is certainly not being kind to the victim in this case. It looks to me as though she is teaching her children that you can behave however you want towards others and you won't be discrimanated against. That you should put up with others abusing you, and be kind to them. Thats not true life I am afraid.

I agree lucy terrible message for children

Not really as at

Posted too soon i think it should be invite who they want and not who the parents like or would like. I dont think children should be forced to include those they dont talk to or dont like just because maybe others wont either.

Yes Itsmine and as I said I agree with your point. What I can't agree with is the point of view of Mehitabel even in an extreme situation.

pineapple speech problems aren't usually misinterpreted by young children. But sns are, I was just asking you to put yourself in someone else's shoes.
My dd is nt and pretty popular, one of her close friends has adhd, and because the group are quite tight knit, she doesn't get the same issues some children do, but it doesn't take much imagination to see outside that friendship, there's a pretty big gulf between how dd and the other two nt children are treated socially, and how she is. And when they all head to different secondary's, I really hope her friend doesn't end up with kids brought up to think only of themselves.

Teaching children to martyr themselves, to believe that the wishes and feelings of other people are always the priority, to sacrifice their own best interests, to believe that mum and dad think the bully deserves more consideration than their child, to think that "nice" and "kind" are the be all and end all...is teaching children how to have unhealthy relationships and shit self-esteem.

Does anyone else have a mental image of a Cuntometer, swinging from Cunty to Considerate and back again?