to ask why, if it's generally accepted to be the behaviour of a twat, do parents exclude a couple of kids from class parties?

[Chippedrippedandstinking]

Inspired by Lappy's thread, we all agree it's wrong and yet it happens. With flame amnesty, will abuone admit to doing it, and if so, why?
And if it happened to you, did you call the parents on it?

I've only seen it once, the mother was taken aside and an invitation was issued.

I guess we are, for the sake of it not being a real scenario as such, assuming that the parent knows a child has SN? I could be incorrect though.

Obviously we don't always know unless we know parents/kids are friends or otherwise. I think majority of time, IME, depending on age group, most children (or if not, the parents) know those that have SN in their class. But again, I could be completely wrong. As I mentioned before, we have a child with autism and all the parents are aware (not sure how though I must say) but it is a school small so in a way that probably makes a difference I don't know?

HMSMostLeaky out of interest was your son excluded? And if he was invited, did he go along (only asking as you say his social abilities and language)

Yes and I am sure my son caused the bruises himself and the teachers who saw it happen in the playground imagined it.

That was not aimed at you HMS

Thanks for your Post regarding is or has SN princess
I just really hate the label coming before the person. I know it seems silly to get wound up over things that seem so small to others but I hate it when people say my DD is SN. She is a lovely little girl with a name and a fabulous personality and she also happens to have some complex health issues and special educational needs.

ah itsmine i thought we had all kind of settled down all this now.

what you have just posted comes across as a very catty opinion on others and their children.

sorry don't want to fire this up again but had to be honest.

MrsMummyPig your not alone
its up there with downs child

No one has yet managed to adequately explain why children should not be allowed to make choices about social events in the same way that adults do.

The whole "class party" thing is nonsense IMO. My DC's school is 2 form entry. They choose to play with children from the other class in their year group and even other year groups. They have friends outside of school. Why should they not be allowed free choice for their own birthday party? No one has been able to explain this to me (other than "it might hurt someone else's feelings") and therefore I'm sticking to my guns on this.

twins in more than one post you mentioned ages that correlate to infant classes. I therefore justifiably assumed you were talking about infants, without attaching importance either way to whether your kids were still that age.
I've also not questioned your mh, words like paranoid or mad or sane or telling someone they need help are ones that are in regular use outside mh and recognised mh conditions and not 'questioning your mental health'. You've also been incredibly rude and accusatory to me, so the 'poor me I might have mh problems for all you know' doesn't exactly stir up any sympathy from me, because for all you know I could have mh issues too if you wish to use that logic. Stop looking for offense where it isn't.

oh come on its easy

a whole class party..... means whole class
anything else\you invite your freinds

What a lovely post, lurked, and one so ironic given your insistence earlier that your view on children's parties is based on your ability to be considerate and empathetic.

So "whole class" = no other friends allowed? Why would anyone do that? Force their child to have a party with children they don't necessarily play with but exclude children they do play with on the grounds that they're not in the class?

evil do you realise the irony of accusing me of being inconsiderate and lacking empathy when you've accused me of all sorts and directed instructions composed of such unparliamentary language towards me?

The difference being that I never claimed to be considerate. I made it very clear from my first post on this thread that my priority with parties is my own children. You, however, have said that you are considerate and empathetic.

MrsMummyPig I 100% get where you are coming from and imagine I would totally feel the same.

I've had some people patronise me because my DD was not on the same level as others. But I'm not bothered what anyone thinks of my DD or the fact she receives additional help. All I care about is that she is getting help because that is what important. What they don't realise is how socially bright, artistic and creative she is instead. It was always a puzzle as to why, being a very early talker and pretty much grasping everything very early on, when she started Reception, academically she was at the bottom. With her she has the knowledge, understanding, words etc but putting it on paper has been difficult and her spelling has a been a real struggle. They said she had strains of dyslexia but could not fully diagnose. I am worrying for her starting Yr7 but she has a thirst for learning and is always eager to please, and works hard so I know she will be okay with the additional help offered too.

She sounds amazing your DD :)

I always find children that have SN are amongst the most happiest, kindest and affectionate children in the world. The autistic girl at our school is always happy and smiling. Yes she can be hard work when she kicks off (I'm still learning how to deal with her without causing her further distress) but give it 5 minutes she is back happy and smiling. I often wonder what goes on in her world but it always seems to be a happy one :)

Having SN is so much more common now isn't it? Yet there is still such a stigma attached to it which is such a shame.

i live in the sn world and they are not all happy


cos they are not all the same

Oh do give over now, Evil. Enough.

Of course Samcro apologies. I should have said in my limited experience, the children I have met that have SN have always been happy and full of energy. Although when I have said so to parents, they of course have explained that is not always case! I should have put that in my last post too.

Again apologies if I caused any offence it was not intentional :(

princesspink7404 no worries, tbh I have only had to "deal" with 2 who have been nasty to my "child" so get it

Sorry, but the thread is very long and I've only read half if it.

My DS2 has ASD. He was invited to every whoe class party, thank goodness. He's not aggressive, just has poor social/play skills and doesn't really do friends.

My sadness was that he loved parties, he just wasn't ever invited to anything but whole class parties. So, apart from his own party, after Y2 he never went to another as they all started doing small group events.

Samcro big hugs - 2 is still 2 too many

chipped - are you going to tell lurked to give over as well? Seems a bit unfair to just target me.

Princess I think at reception age it's often not that noticeable. I know one child had a dx in reception, but only when his mum brought up the fight for a statement, far as I was concerned he was no differently behaved to several other nt boys who were a bit immature, boisterous, loud, etc in the playground, because obviously I didn't get to see it was him at the closest to nt behavior he got. One of dds best friends has textbook adhd, again at that age it didn't really stand out as anything more than being a bit of a live wire and perhaps a bit immature, so like many nt children,and she didn't get a dx till nearly 7. And even now (11) at a party people are more likely to think she's hyped on sweets and over emotional and is a bit rude not to follow instructions etc. And away from school I know a few other children age 5 also appeared to fit well within the nt range unless you knew them well

Good! Well lets hope when their partner is kicking 7 bells out of them, they remember to look for the best in them, eh?

Yes because there is a well know correlation between tolerating domestic violence and an upbringing which emphasised kindness. Jesus could you sink any lower?

I work full time and have no idea who, in their class, has SEN. I have no interest in whether the other playground mummies think I'm a prize bitch. The only say I've had in their party this year was that they were not to feel any obligation to invite the girl who has been being vile to them all year

you do realise you could well end up that parent in pizza hut mentioned earlier, presiding over a birthday party which included every child bar one (not a bully but presumably not to the birthday girls' taste) and would watch while that child looked shocked, went to the bathroom and came back with red eyes to sit with her mother. If you'd enjoy the party after that, you're some woman.

Hmm. Except I know who the girl is and am quite sure that if she was at the party venue she would not be in tears. More likely, she'd insist her "useless" father (her words - to him) set up a rival party on a neighbouring table and then would tell each child, individually, that they needed to leave my DC's party immediately and go to hers otherwise she would see to it that no one played with them again ever. She wouldn't speak to my DC though - she's waiting until I apologise to her and her mum for telling their teacher about the way she treats the other children. For 9 yrs old, she's a real charmer.

What are you talking about Eviltwin?

I was referring to calminacrisis' post One appalling afternoon, we went to PizzaExpress straight after school for a treat. Two tables away sat every other girl from DC2's class and one horrible Mum, there for a birthday party nobody had mentioned to my DC. I found my DC sobbing in the toilet, wondering why they could be so horrible.

So basically your reply clarifies for me that you would not let your children exclude one child from a party to which the entire rest of the class was invited unless it was a specific child known to you who is not a nice child.

Abit different from saying your children should have complete autonomy to invite who they want.