to ask why, if it's generally accepted to be the behaviour of a twat, do parents exclude a couple of kids from class parties?

[Chippedrippedandstinking]

Inspired by Lappy's thread, we all agree it's wrong and yet it happens. With flame amnesty, will abuone admit to doing it, and if so, why?
And if it happened to you, did you call the parents on it?

I've only seen it once, the mother was taken aside and an invitation was issued.

Ooh now I've started posting I just can't stop. I'm going to have to join another thread lol

itsmine thank you . clearly whoever is taking the piss has sod all better to do. i am pretty sure there is more than one person taking the piss out of me on here i'll probably come across them and end up in another argument LOL If you know them, please pass my message on!

Putting a X at end is habit for me ... i wasn't aware that there were rules on it?!! seriously?? are there really??

TO THE PERSON TAKING THE PISS, IF YOU READ THIS, HAVE THE GUTS TO POST ABOUT ME TO ME SO I CAN SEE IT AND NOT BEHIND MY BACK - COWARD. OR EVEN BETTER. PM ME !!!!

evil if you see me saying that I think your children have the same social judgement as any other child that age as an insult to them, then you really need to have a word with yourself. Saying you 'were banging on about their wonderful decisions' could only be seen by someone sane as scornful of your opinion, and fuck all to do with insulting your kids. Is 'are you disrespecting my kids' the new mn homie talk?

i have been waiting to see what chipped and lurks view is on my point but its all gone quiet. Think i will go to bed now. x

My DS is only 2 so maybe I just don't get all this party angst yet.
I think this thread is odd. There seems to be an assumption that children with "SN" all behave in a certain, apparently socially inappropriate way.
I work with children with SEND. Some of them are very popular (so I would assume are invited to things) and some are not, and everything in between. Like all kids, this is down to their personality and behaviour. Their SEND impacts obviously impacts on these things, but it doesn't define who they are.
Some of the most challenging kids Ive worked with have done some awful things to peers. I know they are not "bad" kids. I know what their problems and their backgrounds are. They deserve to be happy and have opportunities, just like everyone else.
But the kids they have hurt are equally entitled to feel safe and happy at their birthday parties. The little boy lucylooloo excluded may well have had lots of needs. That's not her business or her responsibility. Parents have to do what's best for their own kids.

ah right ok thanks for telling me itsmine (genuinely)

i guess i am so used to typing those things every day that it is natural to put on here

how come posters don't or aren't allowed? is it too personal and could be taken wrong way?. bloody hell i've probably offended half of Mumsnet by now - I have only been on here 48 hours and you are the first person to mention (resisting urge to type the the 3 letters)

That is a good post Siennasun

this thread has made me SO GLAD THAT MY CHILD WHO JUST HAPPENS TO HAVE SN(never are they a sn child) went to a SN school.
they have been invited to so many parties, their sibling has been welcomed too. inclusion = exclusion

I'm glad you pointed out that a child is not SN but has SN. Ive been trying to think of a way to say this since lucys post without creating another argument. You put it better and more politely then I would have.

Since my post was deleted, here's the non-offensive bit again.

I think that the "you must do it the way I do it" approach displayed by a number of posters on this thread is very arrogant. Yes, I allow my children to choose who to be friends with. The fact that others like to micromanage that process is of no concern to me. I would, however, like to be afforded the same respect with regards to my parenting decisions.

Wasn't me that reported it evil it must have disappeared while I was responding. Rude as it was I was quite happy for you to make yourself look silly.

Apologies if I have offended any Mums who have children who have SN.

I am guilty of just typing "is SN" without really thinking about how it might come across. Although my DD has not been diagnosed with anything specific, academically she was below average for many years so came under SENCO at school (thankfully she is now average in English but still below in Maths) and indeed she will do for secondary school. As she has and probably will always need additional help, she has always been under the SN hat as it were.

Some people were saying I should be a bit insulted which I found quite disgusting. It doesn't bother me one iota, I am merely grateful my DD is getting the help she needs. I'm still not convinced she hasn't got dyslexia but I have not pushed it anymore as she has come on in leaps and bounds in the last two years in a different school.

I dread to think of the bigotry (if that is the right ladies) you Mums of children with autism etc must have to put up with. One of my BFFs has a son with autism and I have seen first hand people's attitudes. I shouted at a lady at a bus stop once when we were out because of her comments about my BFFs son who was being a bit loud (incidentally he wasn't being anymore loud than any other child, she pointed him out because bless him he does different features).

You referred to my children as infant age. They're not.

It's you with your knickers in a twist. And kindly stop questioning my mental health. On a thread which hangs a great many posts on ensuring that children with SN are treated fairly, that's about the 5th time you've questioned my sanity. For all you know, I do have MH issues.

You see how I've done that there? Like my last post I've managed to be both insulting and scornful, without resorting to either sounding like a petulant 13yr old

Now that is a matter of opinion.

I wouldn't exclude a child from my kids parties just because they are SN.

How would you know if they had SN? My kid was never going to be the popular one in primary because a big part of his SN relate to his social abilities and language.

princesspink7404 thats another reason I am glad I live in the sn world. I always think....they might have sn by default

I am still here. Its addictive. Because HMS I have never excluded any child before ever during all my 3 kids primary years. I have never made a decision on a party invite based on anything other than the fact they are in the same class. Aside from this occassion, and that decision wasn't based on whether or not the child had SN, it was based upon the bullying of my son. Now I really am going to bed.

Sorry hit return too quickly... A big part is that but as I said before it often didn't look like he had sn, it looks like he was too loud, flappy, dressed differently, didn't follow the rules right (among other things).

...and at one point he was accused of bullying a child but in fact was being bullied himself and coerced into what he was doing and ended up accidentally hurting his best friend because of it. Kids can really be cruel.