to ask why, if it's generally accepted to be the behaviour of a twat, do parents exclude a couple of kids from class parties?

[Chippedrippedandstinking]

Inspired by Lappy's thread, we all agree it's wrong and yet it happens. With flame amnesty, will abuone admit to doing it, and if so, why?
And if it happened to you, did you call the parents on it?

I've only seen it once, the mother was taken aside and an invitation was issued.

EvilTwins you go to work? Your kids go in breakfast club? You don't go in the playground?

Such a bad mother

IMO school playgrounds are hell on earth and reading through some of the posts on this thread i can see why!!!!

well you wouldn't would you itsme because you are too busy running down my views because you don't agree, instead of just accepting my view is different and leaving it.

i did not intend to get into a row on here but i am very annoyed. i simply cannot stand people who aren't willing to accept others views, even if they disagree.

each to his own and that should be end of it x

merry - even if your child came home day after day telling you that a child was a bully? You wouldn't believe it if you hadn't met them?

Parents who try to micromanage their DC's social life do them no favours.

princess you weren't even mentioned in my post, so no need to get huffy.
Although I should perhaps have mentioned twins, as she's the one banging on about her kids wonderful decisions. Yes, your kids are the ones that know them, but they'd be the first infants age kids I've heard of that say
'Jack has just been taken into care and has developmental delays and emotional issues'
'Katie can't come because she is mean and took a pencil off me and called me poo face, however I provoked her all morning calling her worse and the pencil was hers I'd snatched and ran off with'
'Molly behaves in a way that demonstrates classic adhd'
What you'll get told is that they don't like Jack, Katie and Molly, with the reasons being 'always angry and rude and a baby, mean and nasty, and naughty and silly'

I just don't see what Princess is going on about ?! Bizarre!

I have stalked MN for some time, but never joined before. However I had to respond to this. I did this last year. I have 3 children and all of them have invited the WHOLE class to parties for their pre school years upto Y1. then they start having smaller ones. I have always invited every child in the class - until last year. My son spent the whole of last year being physically abused by one boy. I don't know his circumstances, I don't know his parents, I don't know anything other than I was phoning the school frequently to try to sort this out. He wasn't just violent to my son, but others too, and kicking him in the goolies, punching him in the face etc was a frequent occurance. It got to the point when he didn't want to go to school and was making up illnesses. The school tried to manage his behaviour but pretty much failed. So for my DS's party last year I invited the whole class, but I didn't invite the bully boy. Did I do this to teach him a lesson? No. I did it because I didn't want a child that had made my sons life a misery for a year at his birthday party. All these posts saying you should just have a smaller party - why? It was a great big party for everyone in the class, he gets on with all of them really well (except this one child) and they all had a fantastic time. I have done it for every child for every year of their early school life, and I will be damned if I am going to let this boy impact our lives any further, including how we run birthday parties. It didn't make me feel great not giving everyone an invitation I have to admit, but I would do it again under the circumstances.

I am not taking the piss itsmine (apologies I have been calling you itsme - that is genuine btw).

Glad you didn't deny digging at me and for the record, it is only you and lurked who are making the digs. I have not noticed anybody else doing it.

I do find school playgrounds hell on earth from previous experience and was just saying that some of the posts on here prove why I feel that way, along with personal experience!

Believe me- my DDs old primary had 600 pupils, I used to walk in the playground and walk by the "wall of death" as we used to call it as all eyes would be watching each mother. I remember almost trembling when my DD first started and having to walk past all the "established mums". I always saw a school playground as a way to make new friends .... I was soon wrong about that lol

I too work but also know the school / class / friendship dynamics - just because I don't tread on eggshells around kids and parents over party invites does not make me a bad mother or person. But each to his own.

As I said, I did not come on here to argue, just to share my views but like anybody, when feeling attacked, I will retaliate. We both view things differently - so what? I can accept that but you clearly can't.

I will say again, each to his own, agree to disagree, there is no right or wrong view here, it's a free country, everybody is entitled to their own opinion view, end of.

lucylooloo thank you thank you thank you for posting!!

I am 100% with you x

lurked, you can be vile and personal to me, but my children are in bed and therefore cannot defend themselves so stop being so fucking rude.

There is plenty I don't allow my children to choose for themselves but their social interactions are up to them. It's buffer all to do with you, but they've only ever mentioned two DC in their class who are unpleasant - one who is "naughty" and one who is downright nasty. The nasty one was invited last year. She spent much of the party trying to control who did what and then told her dad he was "useless" when he came to pick her up. She didn't get an invite this year. The "naughty" child has never been invited to a party because he's a boy and they haven't invited many boys to the last few parties.

I see, frequently, the issues caused by parents getting too involved in their DCs' social lives and I do not want to be that type of mother.

princess if I was making digs, you'd know, they'd be addressed to you, and clearly obvious in their nature. Neither do I think itsmine is, she's expressing a different opinion, which isn't the same thing. So stop trying to take offence at things.

lurked1forever

I have been talking about different age groups in general (not just one particular age) - perhaps I missed where we were talking about a specific age group, and for that I apologise if I have missed (genuine apology).

Tbh I can't remember back as far when my DD had her first few years parties but as I said in a previous post, we could not afford to invite the whole class anyway so it was a split between class and outside friends (i.e. 10 classmates and 10 outside friends or whatever).

Perhaps your posts have come across that you are digging - sometimes we type and not realise how it comes across. I am very much guilty of this I know.

As said, each to his own, end of. I would just like my views to be accepted, even if they are not agreed with. Like I do with yours and others. Thank you.

Chipped, we pushed hard for many years and even the school had a hard time seeing it. They knew something was going on but couldn't figure out what. I gave up after spending a lot of money on a private assessment but luckily one of DS' special teachers decided to persevere last time and did a bunch of research and got it sorted. It hasn't made a huge difference because school were wonderful with him anyway and gave him anything he needed but it has been a big validation for me and means I will not need to argue his case as much in the future hopefully. So keep your chin up and keep looking after your sweet boy!

To those who think that they can see friendships in the playground and therefore should just let their kids chose who they play with. I am so grateful that some parents did not do that. They may have see a 'naughty boy' when DS was young, but what they probably didn't see was that for several years he sat by himself at lunch and on the playground often struggled to find anyone to play with. Those that did invite him often received beautiful and thoughtful handmade gifts that I've been told that many of the children still have. He would always have strong ideas what their children liked and didn't like, what would make them smile or laugh. They also invited a kid that genuinely enjoyed the party and your child and you helped your child see that people who have difficult disabilities are people too.

N.B. I have no problem with parents who have small parties or only invite a percentage of the class or a percentage of one gender. I'm talking about those that excluded my son because he was hard work or the kid your child didn't play with because he got the class in trouble often.

God can't we all just STOP?

Wtf? Are you sober? Where on earth do you get the idea I'm insulting your kids evil? Unless you take my assumption they behave and think like every other young child I've ever met as an insult? In which case you need help.

Spot on, HMSmostleaky. X x

Sorry chippedrippedandstinking you won't hear any more from me.

I'm just disappointed I wasn't allowed to have a view on something without being challenged that is all, especially as I have not challenged anybody elses.

Maybe it is time I went to bed LMFAO

x

You need to go back and read your post, lurked.

They're capable of making decisions and choices. You have never met them and therefore do not have the right to question that.

Me too princess. I'm having a beer first now though I think.

Thank you for the advice itsmine but I'll be staying here.

I have seen many other posters who refuse to accept others opinion and like to challenge. Indeed been on tail end before and have stood up for myself like I have on here.

I will continue to post as and when I see fit thanks.

banging on about her kids' wonderful decisions - unnecessary to talk about children in that derisive tone.

I think mine might be a herbal tea and some chocolate chippedrippedandstinking

I know how to roll on a Friday night child free LMFAO

Only came on Mumsnet for a browse and a lurk - I got sucked in and I have finally worked out the emoji thing

I wouldn't exclude a child from my kids parties just because they are SN. The kids have mixed with lots of SN kids and they have always been invited. In fact my niece is SN and she goes to all of them.

Agree lucylooloo x