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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents need to start parenting?!

289 replies

grumpasaur · 17/07/2015 19:25

Dear Parents,

I understand that you love your children. I do. More often than not, I love your children too, and am happy to play with them and indulge their childish whims and imaginative fancies.

However, I do not understand why more and more, you are seemingly immune to the noise and disruption your children cause when you allow them to run rampant in predominantly adult spaces.

Kids make noise. I get that. Some kids make noise no matter how much you try to quiet them. However, you will get a significantly increased amount of support and understanding from me if I see you at least TRYING to keeping them quiet- again, in predominantly adult spaces.

When I see you calmly eating your sandwhich whilst your two twins run around the small café, talking loudly on the phone, screaming at each other, stomping their new shoes to show them off, and indeed even BEATING EACH OTHER UP, and I see you do nothing...well, I want to take your children, discipline them for you, and give you a proper telling off for being a shit-fuck of a parent. I want to give you a spanking and tell you to smarten the fuck up.

Parenting is hard. So I hear anyway. I chose not to have children because I do not wish, yet, to have to disrupt my life with the responsibilities of parenting.

May I calmly suggest that you respect my decision not to have kids just as I respect your decision to have yours. I'll help you as much as you need...really, I will, just ask my friends with children.

But seriously. This lazy parenting which impacts not only the way that your children are treated but also the way parents in general are perceived has got to stop. It's ridiculous, indulgent, irresponsible, and annoying as fuck.

Seriously. STOP IT.

Or go to soft play, where your kids can scream all they like and I am sip my coffee in peace, far far away.

OP posts:
nancy75 · 17/07/2015 22:33

Adults can be obnoxious but they rarely run round and round a strangers table in a coffee shop Grin

SolasEile · 17/07/2015 22:57

Wow. You seem a little... overwrought. Take it easy, you'll give yourself a heart attack ranting and raving like that.

Madeyemoodysmum · 17/07/2015 23:15

As a mother of two I applause the OP!

I never let mine behave that way, naughty children were removed until they listened and behaved.

Nettymaniaa · 18/07/2015 00:20

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha chortle brilliant.

Nettymaniaa · 18/07/2015 00:21

I also think you are being most reasonable. Ha ha ha ha ha ha

LovelyFriend · 18/07/2015 00:34

Wow OP, while I do think the gist of your point isn't unreasonable, you do make it in a very lecturing, intolerant, superior and overbearing manner.

My dc and I are perfectly fine without your support or anything else for that matter.

So I can only say to you - ODFOD.

Graciescotland · 18/07/2015 00:41

As a parent of four under five, two of whom are twins YANBU.

There are lots of places I wouldn't take my brood; mainly because the shooshing, telling off and dire threats I'd have to do to get them to behave/ sit still/ communicate at an acceptable volume would leave me frazzled. Much rather go to a limited number of child friendly places where I can relax a little whilst the DC play.

Toofattorun · 18/07/2015 00:47

Haha Worra!!

The5DayChicken · 18/07/2015 00:56

I agree with a lot of your post OP. But I don't agree that cafes are adult spaces. Can't remember the last time I went to a cafe that doesn't provide high chairs. Anywhere that provides high chairs is family space and a certain amount of tolerance is required in family spaces.

Not that I'd let my DD run around screaming like a banshee and fighting...I'd judge any parent who was ignoring that behaviour when it's obviously pissing people off.

textfan · 18/07/2015 03:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lurkedforever1 · 18/07/2015 03:49

Yanbu. I would never judge a parent on what their child does, but damn right I will judge based on how they respond. If your seemingly nt 12yr old has what appears to be a tantrum then fuck all to do with me, until proven otherwise I'll assume bad parenting isn't the cause. But leave your 3yr old running and screaming round a cafe climbing on chairs while you calmly carry on your conversation, with perhaps a mention of spirited at the person your pfb is climbing on, then yes I'll judge you.
But op yabu not to have balanced it out and acknowledged that some adults are equally rude to kids and parents and have no tolerance for kids who aren't doing anything unacceptable.

Whipnaenae · 18/07/2015 03:55

Are you sure the parents of those twins are on mumsnet? Because if this is an open letter to all parents, you sound like an overbearing twat and can fuck right off.

SorchaN · 18/07/2015 04:25

I love to see kids running around and making lots of noise. That's what kids are supposed to do. It doesn't bother me at all. As long as they don't take food off my plate or deliberately knock over my coffee, it's all good. I've been in a cafe with someone else's three year-old running round and round my table and shouting at the top of her lungs, which I found frankly adorable. My kids are older now and not inclined to run around cafes, so I have to enjoy the rambunctiousness of other people's kids.

butterfly133 · 18/07/2015 04:50

YANBU
It is a strange influence, I agree with that too. My goddaughter's parents fell out with one set of parents because they thought they were too harsh with her for not letting her run about in places like that.

there are lots of parents who don't allow that type of thing but but I guess you don't notice that, which is fair enough.

zazzie · 18/07/2015 06:18

At least the op gets that some children make a noise no matter what you do which is more than some do. Allowing children to run around is not acceptable. I've only seen it once and it sent ds into meltdown because he couldn't cope with someone running round and round the tables.

Mygardenistoobig · 18/07/2015 06:29

I am a mum of 3,and op yanbu.
Nobody should be running around in a cafe or restarant.

permenantrecord · 18/07/2015 06:38

My kids run up and down an empty corridor at the back of our coffee shop, away from tables, spillable hot drinks but where I can see them. This isn't bad behaviour, and as the staff say its fine we will stick to that.

Lurkedforever1 · 18/07/2015 06:47

It's not so much the noise or running round itself, providing they're within sight, I just think its on a sliding scale depending on location. Eg park, nasty restaurant attached to soft play, McDonald's all ok, quiet tea rooms that resemble the cocoon set less so, expensive restaurants in the evening no. It's just basic consideration. I've taken my dog in proper country ( i.e not tourist filled) pubs, and let him randomly wonder about at will within sight, but regardless of whether I was allowed wouldn't be inconsiderate enough to do the same in a wine bar.

permenantrecord · 18/07/2015 06:54

I would agree with that lurkedforever1, and our local coffee shop is most definitely a kid friendly place, with this safe little corridor so I don't sweat it. I simply want take them to somewhere fancier/unsafe. Just wanted to add a bit of perspective

toomuchtooold · 18/07/2015 06:56

Andrewofgg
^Well, toomuchtooold - you mention public places where the OP mentions predominantly adult spaces and there's a distinction.
^
I suspect though that the OP probably includes all cafes, public transport, the supermarket and the GP waiting room as predominantly adult spaces. We're fine as long as we don't want to eat, don't get sick, and never have to get anywhere faster than a walking pace Grin

zazzie · 18/07/2015 07:11

We tend to go to quiet coffee shops because ds can't cope with the stimulation of kiddy places. He does make some unavoidable noise due to his severe disability.Vocal noises, banging with hands etc. He. His not allowed out of his seat indoors because I think he may be unsafe or disturb others when it can be avoided. I think there is a difference between taking a somewhat noisy child to learn social skills and letting your child do what they want while you chat to your mates.

Lurkedforever1 · 18/07/2015 07:12

It wasn't aimed at you permenant or particularly anyone else for that matter, just a general thought. That sounds like a good arrangement for all.

rosierainbows · 18/07/2015 07:13

I wouldn't take mine to coffee shops until they were considerably older, probably when they are teenagers. I wouldn't go anywhere and try and sit and drink a hot drink.

Having children is the ultimate diet as you rarely can eat, drink or sit down!

LaLaLaaaa · 18/07/2015 07:20

I agree with the OP -yanbu. Can't stand it when I'm sitting having a coffee and someone's child is running around, knocking into my table and being loud. And I love kids!

Some amount of noise is to be expected in a public coffee shop and is fine, but parents need to consider others and contain it to their own table or the play area.

Was eating lunch in nice restaurant recently, not cheap and a treat for my mum. Family having big family dinner in same room. Little boy was being ignored as parents were chatting. He had an iPad but was clearly bored of it, so he got down and started wandering round the room and coming over to our table to stare at us while we were eating. Parents did nothing. It wasn't his fault, he was bored but they didn't notice.

He was told firmly and politely by my DM (ex primary school teacher of 35 years) to 'go and sit back down'. Surprise surprise he did as he was told.

We shouldn't have had to do it though - people should look after their own children!

bittapitta · 18/07/2015 07:26

MadgeMak good suggestion but our local Naice Pub has a kids menu, hosts mum and baby Yoga, and a baby music class Grin what is a "predominantly adult space" these days? Cafes and pubs need to make money during the day and being family friendly is key to that in my neck of the woods. I admit I found kids more irritating before I had them but I don't think I was ever as grumpy as OP.