To think parents need to start parenting?!

[grumpasaur]

Dear Parents,

I understand that you love your children. I do. More often than not, I love your children too, and am happy to play with them and indulge their childish whims and imaginative fancies.

However, I do not understand why more and more, you are seemingly immune to the noise and disruption your children cause when you allow them to run rampant in predominantly adult spaces.

Kids make noise. I get that. Some kids make noise no matter how much you try to quiet them. However, you will get a significantly increased amount of support and understanding from me if I see you at least TRYING to keeping them quiet- again, in predominantly adult spaces.

When I see you calmly eating your sandwhich whilst your two twins run around the small café, talking loudly on the phone, screaming at each other, stomping their new shoes to show them off, and indeed even BEATING EACH OTHER UP, and I see you do nothing...well, I want to take your children, discipline them for you, and give you a proper telling off for being a shit-fuck of a parent. I want to give you a spanking and tell you to smarten the fuck up.

Parenting is hard. So I hear anyway. I chose not to have children because I do not wish, yet, to have to disrupt my life with the responsibilities of parenting.

May I calmly suggest that you respect my decision not to have kids just as I respect your decision to have yours. I'll help you as much as you need...really, I will, just ask my friends with children.

But seriously. This lazy parenting which impacts not only the way that your children are treated but also the way parents in general are perceived has got to stop. It's ridiculous, indulgent, irresponsible, and annoying as fuck.

Seriously. STOP IT.

Or go to soft play, where your kids can scream all they like and I am sip my coffee in peace, far far away.

I totally accept that my opening post was a rant and I didn't mean to infer that ALL parents are like this!

I know not all parents are like this- I was just referring to the ones who are inconsiderate and rude and negligent- both to those around them and to their own children.

There are a lot of people on mumsnet who aren't parents- it's an open forum and I for one have both benefited from it and hopefully supported others through it, parent or not! To me it's a women's support site, though of course men are welcome.

I cannot emphasise enough that I DO like children. Really, I do. I don't mind their noise and loudness in public places, and am generally the one you will see waving at little ones and making faces at babies and chatting to kids when I can.

It's parents like the ones I describe who I have a problem with. It's not their children's fault they are too self important or entitled or lazy to support good behaviour. Especially in the case of the little girl who genuinely had quite a tumble- an injury which could have been prevented, as could the resultant screaming.

So sorry if I have offended those of you who aren't like this, but I stand by the point hidden in my rant: it's not fair to people who are paying for a treat for themselves to have their experience ruined by children behaving badly when their parents make no attempt to help.

Ps larant I agree my post is goady. I wrote it as a tongue in cheek rant (though I was ranting) but realise context is harder to convey to strangers on the internet who don't know me or my humour or my general nature.

I can take a guess at your general nature tbh

Coastingit-

As I have already said I realise my opening post was goady and probably not phrased well to convey my point properly.

However I am not making personal attacks on anyone on here and I would appreciate you extending me the same courtesy! If you don't like what I am saying either disagree, or don't comment.

Perhaps you should have added some more specific details in your opening post before calling all parents shitfucks. Just a thought.

Citrine- yes I have already acknowledged that and enhanced details to clarify...

Also I didn't mean all parents... Just THOSE parents.

OP I actually didn't think your post was goady.

I thought it was tongue in cheek.

As indicated by the 'letter style' opening.

If you don't like what I am saying either disagree, or don't comment.

Umm, doesn't work like that.

TwilightMad aggressive much?! Totally uncalled for and frankly a bit of a bizarre reaction.

'You don't have children, so you know nothing'

You don't need to have children to know that allowing them to disturb other people and doing nothing about it is obnoxious and annoying.

twilight-

I am not snotty and I have said repeatedly that I understand children are noisy etc and don't generally mind being 'disrupted' by them.

My point is that I am seeing more and more often parents who don't pay attention to their kids in public spaces and therefore don't do anything to support their children to behave well.

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask a parent to supervise while their two year old balances on a wooden and metal chair, near two big wooden tables, to prevent the inevitable falling off which occurred.

It's also not unreasonable to think that kids should be stopped from throwing food on the floor of a cafe and stomping all over it, to test their new shoes, or to touch pastries and cakes which people will buy and consume!

I haven't read all the posts, too many! But, I think we all need to remember that we don't see what I'd going on behind the scenes. Perhaps the parents are having an awful day, perhaps they would normally rein their children in but it's all got too much... This does happen. I am a good parent but occasionally I've had enough and just decide that child can tantrum for a few minutes or have an ice cream because I need a break!

Twinkle and Wideopen-

Thank you! I am obviously not trying to be horrible to all parents or to suggest I hate children! Just that these situations are happening more frequently in my particular area and I do think it needs to be addressed.

Whoever said earlier that I should have said something was actually right- next time I will think of something!

Mumof2- of course, that's true. But would you really let your two year old (ish- maybe younger?!) climb on chairs unsupervised, or allow your twins to stomp food on the floor of a cafe? I really, really don't think you would!

mum2oneofeach even if I was having the shittiest day imaginable the behaviour OP has described would not be allowed to happen. It isn't 'having a break' it is shitty parenting.

The OP doesn't know anything about having children.

We were all 'my kids will be perfectly behaved' until we had them. Then reality struck.

DH and I always assume that the parents are tired of the noise and want to share the pleasure with the rest of the world.

It is odd never (okay, rarely) to hear a "keep the noise down" or "don't run round other people's tables" though.

I'm with you OP. I love children but SOME parents are oblivious to what's going on. I've seen parents glued to their mobiles while children are running around and sometimes hurting themselves at my workplace. When asked politely to stop their children from running around, they look at us stupid.

usual you don't need to know about raising kids to know the behaviour OP described is unacceptable. My ds might not have been perfect when he was little but I'll be damned if he ever behaved like that. He didn't, for the simple reason that I supervised him.

Stay another- yup!! Precisely my point.

Usualsuspects- I have never said anything like that. In fact I have said the opposite, very clearly: you can't always (ever?!) control young children but you should, as a parent, at least try to manage their behavior and keep them safe.

As a parent, if I decide to have kids one day, I will consider that my basic responsibility to them and those around me!

Of COURSE my kids won't be perfect and neither will I! But i am talking about basics here...

Shut the F up!!! You don't have children, so you know nothing. You're too selfish to have children, that comes across quite clearly in your post, children will "disrupt" your oh so perfect life, well you know what?....don't bloody habe them then but don't you dare look down your snotty nose at us self less parents who have children and noisy children at that.

Seriously? You're accusing OP of being snotty with that post?

I have procreated. Are my comments allowed if they don't accord with yours?

Confusion What you are describing is different though! Your grandson was having a meltdown, if he was clambering on furniture and stomping on food I would assume you'd stop him.

Confused in bath-

Again, I think you're missing my point a bit.

In that situation I probably would have given you a nice look and, if it felt appropriate, asked if I could help at all.

The two situations are totally different!

TwinkieTwinkle - exactly! Everyone has bad days but sometimes it is quite easy to see which parents bother to parent and which ones don't.

In fact, even in conversation with parents you will hear people say they don't believe in stopping them from doing certain things. I have been told off because apparently regularly shushing might stifle their creativity - we don't have an eyeroll emoticon but that was my response. (Interestingly that telling off came from a friend who doesn't have kids).