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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think MN is getting nastier?

970 replies

MaggieJoyBlunt · 17/07/2015 15:15

So far this week we've had giving birth referred to as 'calving' (in the context of women having children while young). Someone loved that one so much they immediately commented on what a great expression it was and repeated it.

We've had someone propose that Prince Phillip should be 'humanely destroyed'. swiftly followed up by a similar suggestion about taking him out to a barn or a shed or some such and shooting him.

We've had a thread about the death of a convicted murdered where several posters queued up to tell us they were, smiling or "laughing gleefully" or simply to post "lol" as a one word comment. (Okay she was a vicious killer and will not be much missed, but really?)

Add to all of that the Budget threads where in the midst of people worrying and calculating the cut to their household budget, other people came to gloat and make helpful observations such as "If you can't afford DC, don't have them."

MN didn't used to be nasty. Vigorous, challenging etc; But not nasty.

What's going on around here?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
ilovesooty · 17/07/2015 16:02

I think PC is frequently a term used by posters who really want the freedom to be as offensive or unpleasant as they like.

Daisywellies · 17/07/2015 16:03

I think it is sometimes used like that ilovesooty. But it's also often used to describe people who are just looking for a row about something.

LovelyFriend · 17/07/2015 16:03

OP I think it is also an illegal word, or at least illegal to use in an abusive or racist context. So it is different from being simply "offended".

I do understand what you are saying though. However I do think Fry's comment is more a nod towards the growth of the "professionally offended" as we aren't allowed to call them, or the overuse of offence as a devise to shut people down.

CruCru · 17/07/2015 16:04

What I mean by the inverse snobbery is that quite often a poster will get a kicking if they have included anything which may imply that they are wealthy, even if it is not the point of the OP.

So any mention of skiing has half a page on how they are not rich bastards really, they just saved up for it since birth and now it's going to be spoiled by blah, blah and they still get posters saying that if they can afford to go skiing, they are not allowed to have any problems, ever.

DonkeyOaty · 17/07/2015 16:04

Oh right Daisy, I kinda get your drift now. Has the experience of having your posts finely toothcombed made you consider/reflect on the language you use? Genuine q btw, not poking a snake wi' a stick.

LovelyFriend · 17/07/2015 16:05

so to clarify, its not PC to say "professionally offended"?

:)

Carlucciospicnics · 17/07/2015 16:06

Yes, a bit nastier and definitely less smart. Shame, I used to love MN, now it seems rather mediocre. Probably time to engage with rl more.

TheHormonalHooker · 17/07/2015 16:07

I think PC is frequently a term used by posters who really want the freedom to be as offensive or unpleasant as they like.

I agree.

Daisywellies · 17/07/2015 16:08

To be honest Donkey I write for a living and have to be careful about how I phrase things. But on MN I often find I have to bend over backwards to second guess how some professionally offended very sensitive posters might twist and turn things and start accusing me of things I never ever said.
I think being Irish doesn't always help as things we say quite casually here can be taken up differently by others. I saw someone have a post deleted recently for using the expression 'dry shite', for instance, which is not a particularly offensive expression in Ireland. It just means 'lighten up a bit'. I was also jeered at once for starting a post with 'myself and my sister' as apparently that was seen as trying to be posh and snooty, whereas in Ireland 'my sister and I' would be seen as affected.

Alfieisnoisy · 17/07/2015 16:09

Definitely nastier,the calving thing was horrible as are the comments about "spreading your legs". Not just nasty but disgusting in the context they are used.

Indantherene · 17/07/2015 16:09

I've been here since 2003, and this subject comes up over and over again.

There does seem to have been a change recently, but well over 10 years ago I got bullied by one of the then-MN Royalty - it's nothing new.

The only thing I don't like is the dumbing down. That seems to have happened all of a sudden. I'm fed up with reading that it "doesn't matter" that somebody can't use the right version of a word/ use paragraphs / use correct grammar. This is a written forum; it's not as if we can use nuance or body language to check the meaning. Odd spelling typos are one thing but using the wrong words out of context cause confusion.

I blame AIBU.

countryandchickens · 17/07/2015 16:10

I don't mind language being challenged.

'That word is actually considered offensive' is fine but I also think when a poster apologises, and concedes they hadn't known, it's polite to move on.

I'm ashamed to admit I didn't know a certain word was offensive until my early twenties when I was pulled up on it but very gently. I haven't used it since, but I really, genuinely had used it without giving any thought to it. Once it was pointed out I was more respectful.

DonkeyOaty · 17/07/2015 16:12

Oh gosh I am cringing at your being roasted for myself and my sister, Daisy. This is an interesting thread, thanks for explaining a bit about your background and how it informs your MNing (omg HOW WANKY, sorry!)

SunnyBaudelaire · 17/07/2015 16:13

Yes but Indantherene, in the greater scheme of things, 'correct grammar' is not everything is it? People have English as a second language, or are dyslexic, or did not receive a great education - I don't think we should hold it against them really, do you?

Like if some poster came on with some major life crisis and all people can do is pick her up on her punctuation - I think it's a bit sad and limited.

Original poster
MaggieJoyBlunt · 17/07/2015 16:13

But often things are read into posts that were never said or intended Maggie. That's really what I mean about professionally offended. The posters who come onto every thread with eyes narrowed and a magnifying glass at the ready to pounce on one word or sentence that they can twist and take offence at.

Two different groups then??

I think that stuff might go over my head a lot TBH.

OP posts:
Quietlifenotonyournelly · 17/07/2015 16:15

I don't know about anyone else but I'm still quite new to mn and there have been times when I have thought about asking mumsnetters for advice on something but have been put off because I just know that some poster will come along and twist things around. If I feel like that, do others I wonder? So for now I will try and be the supportive, helpful person I am in RL as I don't like mean bullies

countryandchickens · 17/07/2015 16:16

I know what you mean sunny but at the same time the decline in the general writing on here has been a huge part of what I think of as 'the downfall of mumsnet', rather theatrically!

It is very sorry Netmums now. Text speak and 'aibu to think DH should of' and lack of paragraphs ... I know, I know. But it is natural that when you feel you have little in common with others to start to feel uncomfortable and out of place which is how I feel just now, though I wouldn't be so rude as to express this on a thread where somebody needed support, or at all actually. But I am guilty of thinking it!

Original poster
MaggieJoyBlunt · 17/07/2015 16:16

There is a thread going at the moment where an OP is clearly in a distressed state and does not want to give out some specific and clearly sensitive information about herself. Cue several very judgy posters jumping to conclusions and being very nosy, trying to say her question could not possibly be answered without it

The one concerning quasi-medical information? If so, I quite agree.

OP posts:
CallMeExhausted · 17/07/2015 16:17

I think nastier AND stupider though.

Yep. Pretty much the tone of the Internet these days.

Original poster
MaggieJoyBlunt · 17/07/2015 16:17

Who mentioned census, BTW? What census?

OP posts:
PontyGirl · 17/07/2015 16:18

quiet I agree with you there.

sometimes I wonder how the same individuals manage to be one of the first posters on every thread, and then set the tone.

I do feel as though there's less tolerance and patience around though at the risk of sounding precious Grin

HelenaDove · 17/07/2015 16:18

I agree Ive been on MN since August 2011 after joining to comment on a thread in AIBU where i got a lot of support (YES IN AIBU ) earlier this week i started a thread on here and got told AIBU was not the place to find support.

On the thread i started this week i got told to grow up. To starve my cat until my neighbours snake was found (could have been weeks) told i couldnt expect my HA to do anything about it when i had already stated TWICE that the reason i had told my HA was because the RSPCA mentioned they may have to take up the kitchen floor. I never expected the HA to do anything. So ppl were trying to twist it and gaslight. I bet if i had posted that i hadnt informed the HA i would have been reminded that i am only a lowly social housing tenant and that i should have told them.

I did get some support on the thread though. From some very nice MNers. I wont be starting any more threads like this on here though. Im casting the net around for a new website to join at the moment and thinking of leaving.

CainInThePunting · 17/07/2015 16:20

I've been here since 2003, and this subject comes up over and over again.

Agree with you on that, however, you seldom see such a GF OP as the above, it's almost guaranteed to generate a bun fight.
Time to use the 'hide thread' option.

Original poster
MaggieJoyBlunt · 17/07/2015 16:20

sometimes I wonder how the same individuals manage to be one of the first posters on every thread, and then set the tone.

They sit like hungry cats watching "unanswered threads"??

OP posts:
Original poster
MaggieJoyBlunt · 17/07/2015 16:22

Agree with you on that, however, you seldom see such a GF OP as the above, it's almost guaranteed to generate a bun fight.
Time to use the 'hide thread' option.

You think I'm a goady fucker or my original post was goady Cain?

OP posts:
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