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AIBU?

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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think MN is getting nastier?

970 replies

MaggieJoyBlunt · 17/07/2015 15:15

So far this week we've had giving birth referred to as 'calving' (in the context of women having children while young). Someone loved that one so much they immediately commented on what a great expression it was and repeated it.

We've had someone propose that Prince Phillip should be 'humanely destroyed'. swiftly followed up by a similar suggestion about taking him out to a barn or a shed or some such and shooting him.

We've had a thread about the death of a convicted murdered where several posters queued up to tell us they were, smiling or "laughing gleefully" or simply to post "lol" as a one word comment. (Okay she was a vicious killer and will not be much missed, but really?)

Add to all of that the Budget threads where in the midst of people worrying and calculating the cut to their household budget, other people came to gloat and make helpful observations such as "If you can't afford DC, don't have them."

MN didn't used to be nasty. Vigorous, challenging etc; But not nasty.

What's going on around here?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
SunnyBaudelaire · 17/07/2015 15:45

yes but daisy 'professionally offended" IS wheeled out to stifle debate, all the time.

DonkeyOaty · 17/07/2015 15:45

I don't know really.

If there is a horrible post - about children with SNs for example - then that absolutely must be challenged. If that makes me PO well so be it.

Be kind, yeah? Don't be disablist, don't be racist, don't be ageist and you will rub along just fine, y'all.

Agree PB was a nadir. Ho hum.

ilovesooty · 17/07/2015 15:46

Well I think I shall have to politely agree to disagree with some of you.

ShipShapeAhoy · 17/07/2015 15:46

Yes Donkey. And don't be sexist either.

Original poster
MaggieJoyBlunt · 17/07/2015 15:47

I'm not talking about this Summer, or during the school holidays. I noticed it from the beginning of this year-ish. I don't know why, or how, it's happened. I've been a MNer for a good few years now. The previous 'blips' could be overcome. Now ... it's .... umm

Oh, right Sad

I actually have a very poor sense of time passing, so I'm not going to try and put a date on it.

OP posts:
Daisywellies · 17/07/2015 15:47

I'm sure it is sometimes Sunny. But it's also often used to describe posters who come stomping onto a light hearted thread and making it all about themselves and twisting and turning posters' words so that they can shout 'racist' or 'disablist' or some such. It's unpleasant and nasty when posters do this.

Lavenderice · 17/07/2015 15:48

I've been on and off here under various names for years and I think it's always been nasty. The first time I was on here I was bullied off. Now I treat it in the same way I treat the Daily Mail website, I look at it to be shocked by the way some people think. I think the (not) mods are getting worse, they seem to delete posts just because they have been reported and don't seem to be able to apply any sense of justice and the treatment of some posters is just horrible.

Original poster
MaggieJoyBlunt · 17/07/2015 15:49

I agree with you sooty.

"Don't say fucktard, please. It has a horrible origin"

"Oh fuck off. Don't be so uptight"

Happens a lot.

OP posts:
Daisywellies · 17/07/2015 15:50

I've been on and off here under different names too and it used to be great fun, with really witty imaginative posters bouncing off each other. That seems to be disappearing, and with it a lot of the creativity that made MN a real joy at times.

Bubblesinthesummer · 17/07/2015 15:50

I think the optical threads can become horrible with those on both 'sides' name calling etc. I don'the know if it's got worse though tbh

LovelyFriend · 17/07/2015 15:51

Peppermint I am inspired to quote the whole Stephen Fry quote - it should be in the MN rules:

“It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what."

Original poster
MaggieJoyBlunt · 17/07/2015 15:51

I've been on and off here under different names too and it used to be great fun, with really witty imaginative posters bouncing off each other. That seems to be disappearing, and with it a lot of the creativity that made MN a real joy at times.

Yes.

I've depressed myself now.

OP posts:
Goshthatsspicy · 17/07/2015 15:51

I've been here since 2010. Not a particularly long time. I've seen some changes, there were a couple of the same Queen bees then - l remember.
There is one poster here, who manages (with a few small words) to make the op look very stupid. I don't like watching that play out, everyone joins in, with the same attitude.
However, l still think it is a great place for support.

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 17/07/2015 15:51

Maggie, I was putting it politely, of course it goes deeper than b & w views. I agree with the last sentence of your post too.

PageNotFound404 · 17/07/2015 15:53

I think some posters think it's more important to try to be sarcastic than to try to be kind.

Original poster
MaggieJoyBlunt · 17/07/2015 15:53

Lovely/ Peppermint

The Fry stance is all very well until it gets subverted to the point where someone else's offence becomes one's permission to say/post.

You couldn't apply to the word "Paki" for example (or at least no sane person would) because that is an inherently awful offensive word.

So, in the end, it has to be about what has actually been said.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaggieJoyBlunt · 17/07/2015 15:55

Maggie, I was putting it politely, of course it goes deeper than b & w views. I agree with the last sentence of your post too.

Oh I see Smile Obviously I wasn't being quite so polite Grin

OP posts:
Daisywellies · 17/07/2015 15:55

But often things are read into posts that were never said or intended Maggie. That's really what I mean about professionally offended. The posters who come onto every thread with eyes narrowed and a magnifying glass at the ready to pounce on one word or sentence that they can twist and take offence at.

LovelyFriend · 17/07/2015 15:56

there was a great thread about a deleted thread in Relationships recently (where the OW wanted to wear the DW's wedding dress as she shagged the MM) where we all took the piss fictionally.

The thread was called out by some posters for being "nasty" to a fictional character created by a troll (sad), but it was good old school MN fun & humour. Grin

My current NN is from that time.

What are Optical threads?

DancingLadyEmoji · 17/07/2015 15:56

Am somewhat of a newbie, and before joining mumsnet, I thought of it as a mythical place where women came to drink virtual cocktails and put the world to rights. Have found a few threads where that has been the case (feminist chat mostly).

Am still sometimes afraid to post in case someone turns on me

(ducks and runs to hide behind sofa)

Topseyt · 17/07/2015 15:56

It is one of the few forums I have ever been on with no "moderators" apart from MNHQ dipping in when a post has been reported.

I have been around for a couple of years. In that time it has become much more judgy. There is a thread going at the moment where an OP is clearly in a distressed state and does not want to give out some specific and clearly sensitive information about herself. Cue several very judgy posters jumping to conclusions and being very nosy, trying to say her question could not possibly be answered without it.

I don't mind forthrightness, but out and out bitchiness and kicking someone who is clearly already in a difficult situation should be firmly rebuffed. By MNHQ and by all of us.

SunnySomer · 17/07/2015 15:58

Really interesting. When I filled in the census yesterday I said almost exactly the same.
Never been a prolific poster, but have been on here since 2006, and now often just don't see the point of wasting my time reading the unpleasantness.

TheHormonalHooker · 17/07/2015 15:58

Too many posters have been rolling out the phrase "professionally offended" for too long.

What I've found, if you're racist, disablist or plain nasty you're going to get called on it. The problem is people don't like it!

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 17/07/2015 15:59

Maggie, no offence meant or taken Grin

Daisywellies · 17/07/2015 16:01

But often people are called racist or disablist unfairly and things are read into their post that were never intended. Professionally offended is a term that has been used on here for several years to describe posters like that and I think it is an apt one.
I don't condone it being used anytime anyone raises a concern about a post, but for situations like the one Lovelyfriend described, for instance.

The posters determined to take offence, or to see non PC elements where none actually exist.