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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get married at the same venue.....

153 replies

SunnyStriker · 17/07/2015 12:24

Ok I am not a bridezilla, plan on a totally relaxed stress free wedding. However......

My uncle (same age as me) and his fiance have been planning their wedding for a year and the date is set for August 2015. We see my uncle and his family fairly often and are reasonably close to them but have never discussed wedding plans with them.

My fiance and I got engaged a few weeks ago and have been looking at venues. We want to get married next spring.
Looked at a venue yesterday that we have both fallen in love with. It ticks all of our boxes.
We provisionally booked a date for next June, just need to find out if registrar can do that date before we put a deposit down.

I phoned my mum it tell her about the venue and she said "oh that's where uncle is getting married".

We can't swoop in and use it a couple of months before their long planned wedding can we?? Would that break some kind of wedding code??

We really love it and I think will struggle to find anywhere else that will compare.

AWBU to book it?

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 19/07/2015 00:16

What an awful woman. Such a shame after it was made clear it was perfectly ok for you to use the same venue. Definitely don't say anything to them.

On a general note I would have thought that in most places there are only so many venues that can handle x number of people within similar budget bands so you will find yourself attending weddings at the same place. Certainly I remember people from my home town having their reception at a particular hotel much more often than others. Probably the people with middling budgets. A couple of other hotels probably divvied up the posher ones and other venues the more limited budget ones.

TheBobbinIsWound · 19/07/2015 00:58

OH MY GOD!

The coordinator actually said that? Jesus. Do not let that slide. How dare she reveal information about another client's budget, be so rude and to someone she knew was family too.

Report her to her manager and to head office if a chain...

And you could always name and shame here too... ????

Bogeyface · 19/07/2015 01:09

She could say something to the Uncle along the lines of "She implied that if our budget was bigger than yours then she would happily lose your booking to ours!!! Can you believe that?! I wouldnt care if I had a million quid to spend, we wont be going there now and I have complained to their head office"

Rather than "They said that you have less money than us....etc"

NameChange30 · 19/07/2015 01:17

^ Nooo!

Bogeyface · 19/07/2015 01:24

Well I do think that they need to know, if their wedding planner is such a bitch then surely they wouldnt want to go their either. It would be worse if they found out afterwards and at least now they have time to find another venue.

Its just how does the OP do it? At least by saying that she isnt giving away the fact that the wedding planner told them that they had a bigger budget than Uncle!

OK so it isnt the best way, but they do need to say something I think.

Bogeyface · 19/07/2015 01:24

there

NameChange30 · 19/07/2015 01:35

Have you ever planned a wedding Bogey? In the vast majority of cases, you have to pay a deposit when you book a venue. With their tight budget they could hardly afford to lose their deposit, so they wouldn't be able to cancel the venue, even if they wanted to.
If OP tells them she might be seen as creating drama and shit-stirring (even if she was doing it out of concern for them).
As I said in my PP I think telling them will upset them unnecessarily and will have no positive or constructive outcome.
Yes the venue coordinator was extremely rude and unprofessional about them - but that doesn't mean they won't have a lovely wedding day. It might spoil their day to know what she said, to feel resentful of the OP for telling them, or to lose some of their limited budget by changing venue and losing the deposit.

Bogeyface · 19/07/2015 01:37

I have planned 3 actually! So yes I do know, and the OP kicking up a stink about the wedding planner said to her about her Uncle would be perfectly placed to help them get their deposit back.

at the very least I think the OP should contact the management and insist that another WP take over her Uncles wedding on the basis of what this one said, the Uncle need never know why.

NameChange30 · 19/07/2015 01:40

Agree with contacting the management, just not telling the uncle.
Asking for a different wedding coordinator / planner could be a solution if the venue has more than one, but they might not.
The venues we visited only ever had one coordinator / planner, but realise others might be different.

NameChange30 · 19/07/2015 01:41

Plus uncle and his fiancée might like the venue so much that they still want to marry there despite the coordinator / planner being a bitch.

Spickle · 19/07/2015 04:39

To be different to your uncle's wedding, could you consider a local church with a local pub for the reception? I do love a wedding ceremony in a proper church.

Oh and do make a complaint regarding the wedding planner but don't discuss with your uncle!

ClunkyBoobster · 19/07/2015 05:23

I didn't read everything as it was getting a bit tedious but I am in the "do it" camp. Obviously if it is going to tear your family apart then you may want to reconsider but I can't believe people get so tetchy about weddings. I am sure both your weddings will be fairly different and each make it your own, so I really don't see why the venue is such a big deal.

But the easiest option here is to talk to your Uncle and his DP and then go from there. If they seem really upset by it then maybe reconsider. It isn't like you knew it was their venue when you went to look.

Are your dresses very different? Colour schemes different? Food different? Music different? If yes to all of those things then I don't think having the same venue will be a big tragedy. But I am not overly sentimental.

Ebony69 · 19/07/2015 07:02

Things have moved on, Clunky.

Original poster
SunnyStriker · 19/07/2015 07:34

I told the planner at the time that I wouldn't be booking with them and that it was because of her disgusting behaviour and that I would be letting my uncle know what she said.
I won't tell my uncle though, I don't think they can afford to lose the deposit so I'm not sure it would do anything other than upset them.
I believe the wedding co ordinator is the manager!! I'm not entirely sure.....and it's not a chain so not sure there is anyone to complain to Confused

OP posts:
Redglitter · 19/07/2015 07:46

I'd be making a phone call to ask who the manager is just in case there is someone you can report her to

Ebony69 · 19/07/2015 09:12

I think you've done the right thing, Sunny, in challenging her and also not telling your uncle. Hopefully, she'll be feeling awful about the prospect of your uncle funding out and will change her behaviour in future.

Ebony69 · 19/07/2015 09:13

*finding

wowfudge · 19/07/2015 09:21

I don't understand this thread then OP. If, due to the wedding organiser's attitude and her comments about your uncle's wedding plans, you had already decided not to go ahead and told them so, there was no dilemma.

But that isn't what you posted about Confused

In your position I would definitely report her to the venue manager. Perhaps you can ask them to throw in some extras for your uncle's wedding? You shouldn't tell him about the attitude though.

wowfudge · 19/07/2015 09:23

Apologies OP - I misread the bit about the organiser's comments being in a subsequent conversation.

NameChange30 · 19/07/2015 09:28

"Hopefully, she'll be feeling awful about the prospect of your uncle funding out and will change her behaviour in future."

Sadly I think she's likely to be feeling more awful about losing the OP's business! Give her attitude to the uncle's wedding, I don't think she would mind too much if the uncle found out and cancelled. But hopefully the OP has given her food for thought.

OP if there isn't a manager you can complain to, maybe you could write a review on Hitched or TripAdvisor?

seagullcrime · 19/07/2015 11:20

OMG what a bitch

electricflyzapper · 19/07/2015 11:26

I don't get it. Confused

Why is it unreasonable to book the same venue as your uncle and have your wedding 2 months before his? Confused

If the venue is lovely in both your eyes, then it is lovely. You both want your weddings there. How lovely.

I genuinely don't get everyone saying YABU. Go back a few generations and you would presumably have been marrying in the same church. How is this different? It is only a venue when all is said and done, and presumably other things, eg words at the ceremony, guests, colour schemes, menu, etc will be different.

electricflyzapper · 19/07/2015 11:29

OK, I have now RTFT and can see things have moved on. But I still don't get the initial consensus that booking the same venue as someone else is a complete no-no.

Impostersyndrome · 19/07/2015 13:51

I also don't see what the problem is, but OP I think you have handled things very graciously. For what it's worth, we had a family party (a big birthday) celebration at a local restaurant and a friend asked me if I'd be offended if they used it there for theirs. My immediate reaction was to think that a) she had no need to ask and b) that it's quite a compliment as it suggests they enjoyed themselves at ours. In your case I think the risk of your wedding shadowing that of your uncle's is too great, putting aside the obnoxious comments of the wedding organiser.

n.b. I wouldn't say anything to anyone till after the uncle's wedding. You'd hate it if she said something horrible to them if you got her into trouble with the owner.

diddl · 19/07/2015 14:27

It's a tricky situation, but doesn't anyone think that the Uncle deserves to know that the venues manager isn't really interested in the Uncle's wedding?

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