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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get married at the same venue.....

153 replies

SunnyStriker · 17/07/2015 12:24

Ok I am not a bridezilla, plan on a totally relaxed stress free wedding. However......

My uncle (same age as me) and his fiance have been planning their wedding for a year and the date is set for August 2015. We see my uncle and his family fairly often and are reasonably close to them but have never discussed wedding plans with them.

My fiance and I got engaged a few weeks ago and have been looking at venues. We want to get married next spring.
Looked at a venue yesterday that we have both fallen in love with. It ticks all of our boxes.
We provisionally booked a date for next June, just need to find out if registrar can do that date before we put a deposit down.

I phoned my mum it tell her about the venue and she said "oh that's where uncle is getting married".

We can't swoop in and use it a couple of months before their long planned wedding can we?? Would that break some kind of wedding code??

We really love it and I think will struggle to find anywhere else that will compare.

AWBU to book it?

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 18/07/2015 09:18

Right decision, well done OP.
As you say you will find somewhere equally lovely.
Good luck with the planning!

NameChange30 · 18/07/2015 09:21

different
"You sound really down about it"

Er no she doesn't! You're reading too much into it. Sounds like a considered decision to me.

Hottypotty · 18/07/2015 09:25

Really? It wouldn't bother me at all. I'd be flattered that someone else liked our venue.
But weddings can be ridiculous nowadays

pinkyredrose · 18/07/2015 09:28

I think it's a real shame you've been swayed from using the venue you fell in love with. As you don't have many venues near you do you really think it's likely you'll find somewhere else you love just as much? Are your Uncle and his bride really petty enough to be bothered by you using the same venue? Why don't you speak to them, you may find they don't care.

Would you really want to look back at your wedding pics with a bad taste in your mouth? It just seems incredible that you're saying you won't use the venue because your uncle is, i just can't see the sense in doing that.

Apatite1 · 18/07/2015 10:27

It wouldn't be an issue with me but people can be very sensitive about their weddings. I would opt to be empathetic and ask them if they had a problem, and not book the venue if they did.

MrsBigginsPieShop · 18/07/2015 10:48

Good decision OP. Why start your married life knowing you've rained on someone else's parade?

Trills · 18/07/2015 11:12

I hope you find somewhere else you love.

I don't think you need to do this, but if you feel that you do, then you do.

wowfudge · 18/07/2015 11:13

Fwiw I think it's the wrong decision, especially if you haven't consulted the other couple.

If I found out (highly likely in this case given the family connection) that someone had not gone with they really wanted for fear of upsetting me over something so trivial, I would be extremely upset that they thought I was such a drama queen!

pinkyredrose · 18/07/2015 11:14

Why start married life with the possibly mistaken belief that using the venue has rained on someone else's parade. Why would her uncle want to start married life knowing that he'd rained on HER parade?

KidLorneRoll · 18/07/2015 11:16

So what is the acceptable gap you have to leave before you can have a wedding in the same venue as someone you might know?

Fucking hell. If my brother/best friend/random person off the street who was trying to make up the numbers decided to have their wedding in the same place the day after mine I would dress up and be utterly happy for them, because getting upset about it would be arsing insane and monumentally selfish.

MrsBigginsPieShop · 18/07/2015 11:18

Her uncle booked it first didn't he?

orangepudding · 18/07/2015 11:18

I think YANBU but some people are really precious about this sort of thing.

Speak to your uncle and see how he feels. Hopefully he will not see it as an issue!

TheBobbinIsWound · 18/07/2015 11:42

I think YABVU.
I got "a bit funny" when I found out our reception venue had been used by a friend's family for a wake YEARS ago...But then I realised that I was being insane and said "hopefully the venue will have a happier atmosphere to it this time around"

You can't host an identical event (because it's in the SAME VENUE) for an identical audience within 6 months OP it's really poor form.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 18/07/2015 12:30

I'd ask the uncle first. Always get the info directly from them, not from other family members.

Then consider that your decorations and flowers and all that may be utterly different than what they're doing. Two different weddings at the same venue can be completely different.

LovelyFriend · 18/07/2015 12:54

OP, it's your wedding, do what you want.

if you think it may be an issue with your Uncle, then talk to him about it. Then if it is an issue you can take that on board. And if it's not an issue for him, then it's not an issue.

I don't abide by all this "thunder stealing" around weddings though I know many on here do.

As a family guest I wouldn't give a hoot about going to the same venue twice in a year. It really isn't a big deal.

Original poster
SunnyStriker · 18/07/2015 21:56

I have now spoken to my uncles fiancé and they have definitely booked the venue but she assured me they couldn't care less if we use the same venue before or after them.
However.......
I also spoke to the wedding planner/organiser at the venue and mentioned my reservations and she was a real bitch and THAT has completely put me off the venue!!
She basically told me that our budget is much bigger than my uncles so the weddings would have a totally different feel, her words were "one beautiful, lavish affair and one god awful spit and sawdust do".........and also that she would rather 'lose' their booking to host ours Angry

That is not the kind of person I want involved in my wedding at all. We will definitely be looking elsewhere.....

OP posts:
LovelyFriend · 18/07/2015 22:12

good on you Sunny!

AdeleDazeem · 18/07/2015 22:14

Wow

Hygge · 18/07/2015 22:14

You should tell the venue why you're not booking with them.

AdeleDazeem · 18/07/2015 22:18

What a cow! You're dead right not to go with that planner Sunny If she's saying shit like that to you, knowing that your the grooms niece, you'd have to wonder what she'd be saying behind your back to strangers! Shock

ArmfulOfRoses · 18/07/2015 23:19

Yeah I'd be ringing back to speak to the manager op.
Let them know exactly how much her rudeness has cost them Angry

Bogeyface · 18/07/2015 23:28

I wonder if you could pass that on to your uncle and aunt to be without sounding like a bitch, but I am not sure how.

All you can do is make it clear that you are definitely not booking there, have been in touch with the manager (and head office if they are part of a chain) and wanted them to know how disparaging the weddding planner had been. How do you think they would take it if you did that?

Redglitter · 18/07/2015 23:54

Wow I wouldn't let that go. I'd be contacting management letting them know how much she's cost them and the fact she's commenting on someone else's wedding like that. I'd also mention you feel if that's her opinion on your uncles wedding he deserves to know (even if you have no. intention of telling him)

Don't let her away with that

LilyMayViolet · 19/07/2015 00:01

Oh dear, what a horrible woman! She sounds extremely off putting. Fwiw op I think you're doing the right thing. I'm getting married next year and we chose to have it in an unusual venue that is not in our home town but which is very special to us. I would be really quite upset if another family member booked it before our wedding, not so much if they did it after. I understand that your situation is slightly different but I still think you're wise to look elsewhere.

NameChange30 · 19/07/2015 00:02

"She basically told me that our budget is much bigger than my uncles so the weddings would have a totally different feel, her words were "one beautiful, lavish affair and one god awful spit and sawdust do".........and also that she would rather 'lose' their booking to host ours"

OMFG, thinking that is bad enough but saying it to you is completely unprofessional! That's awful! She should never say anything negative about other clients, but especially not if they are your family or friends FFS!

Sounds like you made a lucky escape and will be happier with another venue.

Re Bogeyface's suggestion, I would be very wary of saying anything about this to your uncle or his fiancée. I think they would be very upset and I'm not sure it would achieve anything positive (presumably they've paid a deposit and wouldn't be able to cancel the venue without losing it). In this situation perhaps the most constructive thing you could is give your feedback to the venue manager, explain why you won't be booking and say that as a guest at your uncle's wedding you very much hope the venue coordinator / planner with give them the respect and good service they deserve.