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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get married at the same venue.....

153 replies

SunnyStriker · 17/07/2015 12:24

Ok I am not a bridezilla, plan on a totally relaxed stress free wedding. However......

My uncle (same age as me) and his fiance have been planning their wedding for a year and the date is set for August 2015. We see my uncle and his family fairly often and are reasonably close to them but have never discussed wedding plans with them.

My fiance and I got engaged a few weeks ago and have been looking at venues. We want to get married next spring.
Looked at a venue yesterday that we have both fallen in love with. It ticks all of our boxes.
We provisionally booked a date for next June, just need to find out if registrar can do that date before we put a deposit down.

I phoned my mum it tell her about the venue and she said "oh that's where uncle is getting married".

We can't swoop in and use it a couple of months before their long planned wedding can we?? Would that break some kind of wedding code??

We really love it and I think will struggle to find anywhere else that will compare.

AWBU to book it?

OP posts:

Seriouslyffs · 17/07/2015 12:40

^^ Ask him and the bride.

LaLyra · 17/07/2015 12:41

I think using it afterwards would be fine (there are only about 3 nice places to get married in our town so loads of relatives have married at the same place), but before would BU I think.

FairyBiker · 17/07/2015 12:42

Won't it make it really expensive for your family having 2 weddings so close to each other?
Outfits, hotels, travel, presents all add up
Sorry but YABU in both location and timing

ApprenticeViper · 17/07/2015 12:43

It seems a bit strange that your uncle and his fiancée haven't mentioned the venue being booked, even though you see them fairly often and are reasonably close. I've been engaged a year and one of the first things my (fairly close) family ask when they see or speak to me is "how are the wedding plans going?"

Have they definitely booked it, or have they just spoken to your mum about it, maybe said they really liked it but possibly not actually booked it yet?

I'd speak to the venue to check they've definitely got a booking for your uncle and fiancée for August 2016. If they haven't, then I'd say you're free and clear to book yours, but I would let your uncle know that you'd booked that venue to prevent any deja-wedding. If the venue has got a definite booking, then you need to either find another venue, or get married later in the year than your uncle.

TheCraicDealer · 17/07/2015 12:45

And leave from work potentially fairybiker.

OP if you're dead set on next year consider that 1st October is considered by most places the end of the Wedding Season and you can make considerable savings if you have an autumn do. Might be worth checking out.

foolonthehill · 17/07/2015 12:47

A few years ago this would not have been an issue would it?....local family go to local church, local family get married in local church, christened in local church and buried in local church....no issues

roll on a few years and the event of the wedding usurps the meaning of the marriage and it is an issue. I don't think it should matter but it probably does.

The only way to know whether uncle and bride to be would mind is to ask them...would that be difficult? Would they be honest?

PoppyBlossom · 17/07/2015 12:49

I think your wedding definitely has to be the follow up to theirs, rather than going first.

Hellochicken · 17/07/2015 12:50

I would check with uncle. If he has/intends to book then I'd either find another venue or postpone wedding until after August.
I wouldn't ask him if he minds unless you are in a very remote area with little other option, asking him would put them in an awkward situation.

rockybalboa · 17/07/2015 12:51

I'd speak to your uncle. And also have a think about whether the fact that you'll be going to someone else's wedding there only 5 weeks before your own will make you feel any different about your own. By that time it will be far too late to do anything about it. I wouldn't give a shiny shit about what guests think about going to the same venue twice in 5 weeks but you do need to consider what your uncle and his fiancee think about it now and possibly how you feel at their wedding. Do you know enough about them to know if you will be going for similar styles/themes?

WayneRooneysHair · 17/07/2015 12:51

Speak to your uncle and his DP OP, they might be totally fine with it.

DinosaursRoar · 17/07/2015 12:52

Ask him, he might not mind. In my dad's family, most live in an area that doesn't have a vast range of wedding venue options so many had one of 3 venues (big families on that side!), so it didn't seem strange to go to the same place for another family wedding, but in an area with a lot of choice, it can seem a strange thing to do.

Another thought for you, is there a good chance his wedding will have a different budget? If you have both weddings in the same venue, then there's going to be a lot of comparing done by guests, if one wedding has a bigger budget than the other, it's going to be very obvious.

Can you look round some other venues in the area? Or would you consider doing something like a Christmas wedding and so even if it's the same venue, it'll have a very different 'feel' (esp as you probably won't go outside), plus many people will have forgotton details by then!

SavoyCabbage · 17/07/2015 12:53

My best friend got married six months after me in the same venue. We were each other's bridesmaids.

However I got married in the summer and she had a Christmas wedding so they felt completely different. Huge Christmas tree, roaring fire, red and gold colours.

Trills · 17/07/2015 12:54

I think Y would not BU at all.

There are a imited number of places in the country that are licensed for weddings. Of those, many will be in inconvenient places, or not to your taste.

Weddings in the same venue are often quite diffferent based on the choices that you make. How does it diminish their wedding, for the guests to have been to another wedding in the same building? Guests don't go to a wedding in order to look at the building.

The thing that MIGHT be unreasonable would be to book your wedding at the end of June, if theirs was at the beginning of August, if many of the same people would have to travel a long way and take time off work in order to go - because people may only have enough time/money/holiday allowance to go to one wedding within that timeframe.

But that's nothing to do with the venue being the same venue.

wowfudge · 17/07/2015 13:01

I really don't get why this would be an issue, however speak to the other couple to gauge how they would feel.

There are some people who are so bloody touchy that marrying in the same year as them would get their backs up.

Original poster

SunnyStriker · 17/07/2015 13:06

So consensus is a big fat yabu then.

A wedding before theirs is unreasonable even in a different venue?
We live very rurally and wedding venues locally are few and far between. We don't want to go further afield as a couple of very important guests are unable to travel very far at all.

OP posts:

kelda · 17/07/2015 13:09

Still get married whenever you like, but not in the same venue just weeks before.

pinkyredrose · 17/07/2015 13:09

Christ YANBU!!!! It's a venue available to you and any other couple getting married, anyone who has a problem with that needs their head examined.

NewFlipFlops · 17/07/2015 13:17

YABU. Don't check it with them, just don't do it.

NewFlipFlops · 17/07/2015 13:18

Anyone who can't see a problem with it has no imagination or empathy.

specialsubject · 17/07/2015 13:18

thunder stealing?

WTAF?

Why does it matter? It is a wedding venue. It gets used more than once. You are two couples using it that happen to know each other.

if it is a nice place, there will be two nice weddings.

why on earth would this be a problem outside the playground, which is where shrieks of 'you're copying me' belong?

specialsubject · 17/07/2015 13:19

I have imagination and empathy.

I am also an adult, not a shrieking jealous child.

specialsubject · 17/07/2015 13:20

like pinkyredrose says. Grow up.

Waah!! you're copying me! Waah!

really?

NewFlipFlops · 17/07/2015 13:21

Copiers are awful. If you're one of the copied, it doesn't end in the playground.

coniferssilhouette · 17/07/2015 13:23

I'd chat to your Uncle about it, I personally wouldn't have minded someone getting married at the same venue as us, they wouldn't be the same weddings just the same venue. I'd actually quite like to see how they chose to do it too.

NewFlipFlops · 17/07/2015 13:23

Seriously though, it's a same-age uncle. It would be SENSITIVE to choose a different venue, OP. Getting married first - no problem. Using "their" venue - insensitive, devalues their wedding before it even happens.

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