Imheritance

[EWAB]

My son aged 8 has just inherited just short of £120,000 along with all of his first cousins from a much loved grandmother. Her nieces got a couple of grand. My eldest son her step grandson precisely nothing. She was loved and credited me with encouraging her to travel to see her siblings and she went to NZ with sister last year so no comments that we wanted her money etc. her three children however did expect to inherit but DP's siblings happy enough their children are inheriting [one able to buy outright house in university town}. However, it now appears that the niece has said that MIL arranged the will this way so DP would not inherit and my elder son would not ultimately benefit from her money! I asked my DP if we could arrange things to be more equitable ie leave more to older son. He refused wants his half of our assets to go to his son and my half to be split between both. He is upset and according to one of his sibs has approach sib with three children asking them to make things fairer as essentially instead of will being divided between her own three it was split 6 ways so ultately family with three children benefitted disproportionately. I am devastated for my elder son that he is financially worse off than his brother and for the future.y partner is clearly upset about everything but isn't sharing thoughts other than it was unexpected and he'd hoped to pay off mortgage! It has made me question everything about the grandparents who always seed nice.

Gosh I understood something else entirely. That the OP is hurt that her elder son who was treated as an equal grandchild has suddenly had it thoroughly emphasised that he was not considered such. It this case it was through an inheritance but any other snub would have hurt as much. And that someone has told her that her MIL particularly decided to leave her money in this way, jumping a generation, to avoid the step-child getting benefit from the inheritance, all this when they all seemed to have a good relationship.

If I am right, then my advice to you OP is not to listen to gossip. Your MIL is no longer around to be able clarify things and some people are malicious but other people just misunderstand.

Surely your DS's inheritance will legally be held in trust for him - to be used for his benefit - and at the age of 18 he will be the one who chooses what to do with it

It could equally be to ensure that her children's partners don't benefit!

I mean at some point the GC might meet partners who will benefit, prhaps partners with children.

You can never be sure that a "non blood" relative won't benefit!

Thinking about it, another option of not giving to children could also be not trusting them rather then cutting out others. My friends Dmum is giving to kids only because Dfriend is awful with money, would run up debt and spend it on herself leaving her children without. So Dmum has cut her out so when the children are old enough they have money that's untouched by the parent.

OP, my heart goes out to you and I'm not surprised you're feeling hurt. Sadly I think this situation will become more and more common with our modern blended families.

There are a myriad of reasons why DGM didn't include SS and none have to be fair.

My DMs DSF (stepfather) didn't leave his exDW anything (though they were close friends) and neither of his DSDs (my DM) anything though he helped my DM with financial backing for a business when she was younger. He did have a rather grasping GF and her DD when he died (GF some years younger) but presumably they got his house and money when he died and to be honest they needed it as not well off.

I do agree that the OP is a bit old fashioned from DGP points of view but you do have to remember it was their money, their wishes and OP and her DH come across as rather grasping for the money which his DM obviously knew! I'm not saying it's right but there shouldn't be an expectation for anything these days as then when these situations come around you're less disappointed with the outcome.

I know OP isn't coming back but I wanted to offer some sympathy. I know no one should expect anything but I think 99% of people would have mentally done the maths and wondered if they if they were going to inherit 1/4 million. It's not exactly a far fetched idea that the GM would split the money three ways between her three children.

I still think the GM was fair to leave the money inequal shares to her grandchildren. However, I think it would have been kinder if she had let people know that it is her intention.

When my db was with his ex (have one ds together and ex has dd from previous relationship) my dm changed her will to leave everything to me, so that db's partner wouldn't have any access at all to any inheritance. She said I could just do what I thought was right with the £ if anything happened to her. She was right about the partner, who turned out to be an evil manipulative cow. Must check mum has changed will again now that db is no longer with her

I can't understand why OP thinks sibling with 3 DC inherited disproportionately?! I mean they did by £240,000 extra plus £120,000 but it's not as if their DP have any claims on or can get that money... The money is for the DGC only. If the DC of the Dsibs decide to gift any of that money to their DP that is their perorgative as is OP's youngest sons perorgative. OP may not realise but when youngest son comes of age depending on money if invested etc he may decide to gift his DF some of that money. Even may decide to gift his DB (eldest stepbrother) some money. As it stands now the child is 8, yes 8, and will have no meaning of the value of that money, at all! As I said before eg say coming of age is 18 which is 10 years on then there is no telling what happens in between people die, OP and DH may win lottery etc!

I would laugh my head off if OP comes back a few years later and says.... Oh well eldest DS has inherited £200,000 from his DGP is that fair or not towards youngest?!

I know of someone actually who was expected to be a "wastrel" worked hard but had a few DC here and there. His numbers came up on the pools a few years back and he invested in property. He left money equally between DC and DGC but he was expected to "become nothing" before that time. He was left land in Caribbean and money by his DP but this was before the pools win and partly to "provide for him", he died happily in his mid 80s about 10 years ago living in Caribbean. this mans DPs were friends of my DP and they would often before the pools win confide in my DM what to do about XX and they wanted to treat him right, but.... Luckily they decided to leave him an equal amount to do with what he chose.

I don't think there's a right or a wrong answer to this TBH. Ultimately, it was the deceased's money and she had the right to dispose of it however she wanted.

Your DH has a lesson to learn about assuming inheritance will be coming his way and planning his life around that. Never a good idea.

I'd also not worry too much about the financial inequality of your DC. As they get older, their fortunes could vary hugely simply as a result of the way their lives develop. One of my friends subsists on minimum wage while her brother is a city banker, for example. There is no animosity between them and they're both happy with their respective lives.

However, OP I totally understand why you feel hurt on behalf of your elder son. The money is just the means through which his lesser status in your DH's mother's affection was expressed. It is that lesser status/love that hurts, not the lack of money.

I understand that wills are hurtful but 120k and your dp is upset? He should not be relying on an inheritance to be paying off the mortgage. The real worry here is why your dp does not see his step son as an equal part of the family. I would be upset about that, especially if you are considering marrying him.

I also assume that your other child will inherit from his natural father and grandparents?

Personally, I think that this is fine.

If it is the case that your DH would have used the money to pay off your mortgage, why don't you speak to the Trustees and see if some of the money can be apportioned out of the Trust for this purpose on the basis that in your own Wills, this amount is repaid to your youngest son before the estate is distributed?

Then, upon the second of your deaths and this clause comes to be auctioned, your youngest son does not feel that it is fair for him to have a larger split of the estate, the executors of the Will (which will probably be your sons when they are grown up) can divide the estate equally with a Deed of Variation.

If I were you, I'd speak to my own solicitor about what options are available

*I asked my DP if we could arrange things to be more equitable ie leave more to older son. He refused wants his half of our assets to go to his son and my half to be split between

So the DP intends to favour his own son at the expense of the DSS, but finds it unfair that the grandmother had chosen to do something similar?

Another 'bold' fail, must remember to preview.

Honesty in advance would not necessarily help.

I know of a couple, the H died 15 years before the W. No children. Each had 2 siblings, and all 4 siblings were married with families. The wills stated that the surviving spouse would inherit all, and when the survivor died, all would be split equally 4 ways between the 4 siblings.

By the time the W was terminally ill, the H's siblings were very elderly and one was widowed; none needed anything. They had 3 DCs and 4 DGcs, all comfortably off.

The W's siblings were younger but less fortunate. One was retired, reasonably comfortable, had a DS (single, no family) and a DD (single, one son). One sibling had died, leaving a widow but no will, so his share was split among his 3 DCs, who could all have used some extra money.

One of the W's siblings tried to persuade the W to change her will, as things had changed a lot in the 15 years since her H had died, but she refused. You could tell her sibling felt some resentment towards the H's wider family, who needed the money less.

Discussing in advance would only have distressed the W. It was her wish, and that of her late H.

The wierd thing I your dp is annoyed she didn't leave money to his stepson but it seems from what you posted he does not want to leave money to his stepson either.

Yes, Because, he wants all his money to go to their joint child, none to his stepson, but wants the OP to share hers between the two boys. Very odd.

Well he's being the same as his mum, isn't he?

He doesn't want his "non blood" stepson to have his money!

Exactly, Diddl, just like his mum, so why is he complaining?

The DP isn't annoyed that the money didn't go to his stepson (from what it reads like to me), he's annoyed that the money didn't go to him.

He's not being the same as his mum, because he wants to leave all of his estate to his child. His mum wanted to leave all of her estate to her grandchildren.

I don't see what's odd about it, both are perfectly valid and understandable choices.

Read it as Dp is upset the money split between 6 DGc equally where there are different numbers of DGC per family so on oaper his siblings families got more. Presumably he wants it split between 3 families then that split between how many DGC there are in that particular family.

The OP seems to be the one in a huff that her older non blood relation to GM child got nothing.

families with 3 children benefited disproportionately

Not in the slightest. The money is clearly for each individual child, not for the whole family. FYI WE, my maternal grandmother did exactly this; her 5 grandchildren each received equal shares in the inheritance. My father and aunt didn't bicker about it because those were their mother's wishes and they had respect for that fact. ALL the adults in this scenario, except your late MIL seem to be being U, imo. ..

Ptolemy, I see what you mean about DP leaving it to DGs, while he wants to leave it to his DS not being the same, being different generations, but the point is surely that in both cases blood is trumps?

HerRoyal yes, he would like it split in the way most favourable to his own family. I think his being 'upset' counts as a huff as well as the OP being in one.

*FWIW,stupid phone