Imheritance

[EWAB]

My son aged 8 has just inherited just short of £120,000 along with all of his first cousins from a much loved grandmother. Her nieces got a couple of grand. My eldest son her step grandson precisely nothing. She was loved and credited me with encouraging her to travel to see her siblings and she went to NZ with sister last year so no comments that we wanted her money etc. her three children however did expect to inherit but DP's siblings happy enough their children are inheriting [one able to buy outright house in university town}. However, it now appears that the niece has said that MIL arranged the will this way so DP would not inherit and my elder son would not ultimately benefit from her money! I asked my DP if we could arrange things to be more equitable ie leave more to older son. He refused wants his half of our assets to go to his son and my half to be split between both. He is upset and according to one of his sibs has approach sib with three children asking them to make things fairer as essentially instead of will being divided between her own three it was split 6 ways so ultately family with three children benefitted disproportionately. I am devastated for my elder son that he is financially worse off than his brother and for the future.y partner is clearly upset about everything but isn't sharing thoughts other than it was unexpected and he'd hoped to pay off mortgage! It has made me question everything about the grandparents who always seed nice.

The only you have is to disinherit your youngest when you die to ensure that your eldest gets the same. Or if you have enough money, then you need to leave the amount that your youngest DS has just inherited to your eldest DS, and then split equally anything above that.

I would however be thinking about this now, as what happens if you die and leave everything to your DH, will he then just leave it all to your youngest DS, thus meaning that your eldest won't get any of your money?

Sorry! Appalling last post. Trying to do three things at aonce.

Should say, 'the only think you can do is to disinherit your younger DS...'

I think it's perfectly fair. It's also fair for your dh to say that his half of your joint assets is going to your shared ds. If dh and I ever manage to buy our own house then my dh's half will be split equally between dsd and our dcs, my half will be split between our dcs. Dsd has a mother to potentially inherit from. If my dad leaves my children money there's no way dsd will get money from me to compensate, that's just life, her grandparents won't leave my dcs anything and nor should they.

I deal with this stuff irl, but to be honest I cannot follow your family tree at all. Different relationships could be read different ways in the way you have described them, so I cant comment, sorry. If you were to give them initials, A, B, C then the facts would be clear.

I'm wondering whether the fact he is a DP not a DH also factored into decision not to include your son. I can see some people viewing that he isn't 'family' if the relationship isn't legalised.

But it is what it is. You do need to discuss with your DP how to proceed. he clearly doesn't feel a financial obligation towards your son though.

What is 'fair' really depends upon what your DS can expect from his father/paternal grandparents.

I can see why you wouldn't want your younger child to be set up and your older child not. However I can also understand why your partners mum chose to give her money to her 'blood' relatives, although less so why she didn't leave an equal split between her children, each to be divided amongst their children if they pre-decease (as seems to be more usual).

I think your husband is being unreasonable and unless your older child is set to inherit a small fortune from his paternal side, your joint assets should be split equally between your 2 children. That way regardless of how anything else turns out, you are treating them fairly and equally.

This is always going to be an issue in blended families.

It's unfortunate for your eldest - especially if he had a long relationship with the grandmother, however the grandmother made a choice and it should be respected.

Your biggest problem is your DH who is being extremely grasping to expect that his son receives more money to counter the increased number of first cousins elsewhere.

I can also understand your shock re his refusal to leave anything to your eldest. Had he taken an active role as stepfather? How long has he been in his life? You should, as a matter of urgency, organize your will do that your eldest is protected in the event that you die first.

you don't make any sense op

What provisions are you making for your son?

Surely now you will ensure that this is all evened out between your two dc when you die so that YOU assets go to your oldest, if he does not inherit from his own grandparents. Explain this to your youngest, he will inherit from his dad, his older brother from you, as this is a fair distribution of your assets.

It really is the grandmothers right to give her money to whoever she wishes. I can see why you would rather she included your first son but she hasn't.

My father left money to my son but none to stepkids. It was just that it was given to grandchildren. I haven't really thought of it before actually. A none issue in our family. They have their own grandparents I guess.

So your DH had a kid before he met you? Why should your grandmother leave this kid money?

So your DH had a kid before he met you? Why should your grandmother leave this kid money?

No, the Op had a son prior to her current relationship.

This son is the oldest who didn't inherit anything.

The money to the bloodline grandchildren.

Sorry for your loss OP. Bereavement is never easy, and when you throw money into the mix, it's easy to see how feelings run high and people feel hurt.

It sounds like your DP is hurt that he feels his mum's will overlooks him, and favours his siblings. Personally, I always think it is a mistake to count on inheriting anything from anyone. However, it is perfectly understandable for anything to tap into his understandable feelings of loss. I would be trying to help him focus on happier memories that make it obvious how much she loved your DP.

This will have a potentially major impact on your two sons for the future. I would let the dust settle for a while, and then try to have a calm conversation with your DP about how you can use your shared resources to try to make things more equitable across whoever you and DP regard as your family.

As others have said, of course your eldest son could potentially inherit from his father's family.

There is no obviously "fair" way to handle this, and what you and your DP feel is "fair" will be different to lots of other people, and possibly your own sons. But you will do a better job of figuring it out once you are not so close to this loss.

Why do wills have to be fair? If the deceased was unfair, then their unfair wishes should be carried out. It's their right to be unfair with their own money.

Oh I see, her DP's grandmother died, not hers. It's the same principle though isn't it. The kid wasn't born into her family so she probably didn't consider him a grandchild, why should she?

The only will you can ever be 100% sure will be 100% fair in your eyes is you own.

What your DP's mother/grandmother did with her will is entirely up to her. Why is the niece telling your DP things? Has there been words and is he sure that is something the grandmother would tell niece? When my grandfather died my father told lots of people lots of things about his will, but it didn't make any of it true!

You need to decide for yourself what your will will be. Your DH has made his position very clear so you MUST ensure you protect your interests, and those of your son, in your will in the event you die first.

DH and I fully intend our estate to be split equally between all five children (technically one his, two mine and three ours), but we've each got solid wills detailling everything because things chance and people change and neither of us wish to take any chances with the children's future in the event of illness, manipulation (my DH's Aunt was coerced into changing her will after she was widowed, it took a long time to untangle and a horrible time with police and courts) and remarriage.

Can you imagine what a hornets nest would open up by your grandmother letting a non blood relative inherit her? That would be family feud territory with all sorts of step cousins and other step siblings wanting a share.

vultures, springs to mind...

Leaving aside the issue of grandma's inheritance, if my DP said he wanted us to leave our money so that any joint children got more from us then my children got from us I'd be out the door without stopping to draw breath, not because the inheritance matters as such but because it would speak volumes about how he saw my children.

So your Mother in Law has dies and has chosen for her estate not to be split 3 ways between her two daughters and her son (your DH) but equally between her 6 granchildren, so the one blood grandchild of hers (your child with your DH) that you have has inherited £120k. You are pissed off that your older child, who is not the biological grandchild of the deceased, has been left nothing.

Damnbamboo if your dh leaves everything to you and you leave everything to your 3 children then your sd inherits nothing from her father. How is that fair?

I understand that money stands in for emotions in these situations. Your MIL has through this inheritance made it clear that she did not see your eldest son as her grandchild, however nice she was to him. I can see that that would be upsetting.

Going on about his grandparents is irrelevant to this situation.

Anon, the OP wants her DH to split his estate unevenly and leave less money to his child and more to his stepchild to compensate for the fact that his child has inherited money from his grandmother.

I do think with your will, if you are going to do anything at all unusual with it, you need to talk to your relatives beforehand.

How you leave your money if you have no dependants (and grandchildren aren't dependants) is up to you.

You can disinherit the (adult) DC or the DGC who has married someone of the wrong gender or race or religion if you want to, you can favour "legitimate" over "illegitimate" relations (the law no longer uses those words but you know what I mean) or I suppose vice versa.

Fair does not come into it.

If you thought the grandparents were nice then they probably were nice. Wanting to leave your property to your own grandchildren instead of someone else's does not stop a person from being nice.

Would you have expected your eldests grandparents on their fathers side to leave money to your younger son?