Imheritance

[EWAB]

My son aged 8 has just inherited just short of £120,000 along with all of his first cousins from a much loved grandmother. Her nieces got a couple of grand. My eldest son her step grandson precisely nothing. She was loved and credited me with encouraging her to travel to see her siblings and she went to NZ with sister last year so no comments that we wanted her money etc. her three children however did expect to inherit but DP's siblings happy enough their children are inheriting [one able to buy outright house in university town}. However, it now appears that the niece has said that MIL arranged the will this way so DP would not inherit and my elder son would not ultimately benefit from her money! I asked my DP if we could arrange things to be more equitable ie leave more to older son. He refused wants his half of our assets to go to his son and my half to be split between both. He is upset and according to one of his sibs has approach sib with three children asking them to make things fairer as essentially instead of will being divided between her own three it was split 6 ways so ultately family with three children benefitted disproportionately. I am devastated for my elder son that he is financially worse off than his brother and for the future.y partner is clearly upset about everything but isn't sharing thoughts other than it was unexpected and he'd hoped to pay off mortgage! It has made me question everything about the grandparents who always seed nice.

[SuperFlyHigh]

ltk - you have no idea what OP's DP was like towards his DM or DP during his life, abusive/non caring etc to make DGM (with DGP influence) bypass the DC and leave to DGC.

It seems here quite clearly that the DP of OP expected an inheritance and DGP have quite cleverly bypassed all DC and just left to DGC. If that is the case then DP of OP only has himself to blame if he's behaved badly etc or been greedy and it seems his DSiblings aren't arguing this so they're not bothered.

Think about it, suppose OP's DP has been trouble with money, debt, overspending etc and not learned - maybe borrowed from his DP without paying back - then the inheritance makes perfect sense.

[Trickydecision]

TheChandler, I shall let let them get on with it. The putative rich wife may well take her own precautionary measures if she has any sense.

There are limits even to my matriarchal tentacles and capabilities.

[mistymeanour]

I think it would really help if people were upfront and discussed their wills and feelings honestly. The MIL may have felt she was being scrupuolously fair but she has still caused upset for her family and ongoing issues with the contents of the will.

[SuperFlyHigh]

misty

actually (and I work in a solicitors) there is no such need for honesty from people when it comes from writing wills, none at all.

When a person makes a will they often do so for their own personal reasons, and bequests/requests. Should they wish to leave others out of the will that is entirely up to them. Any discussion could create further tension in their lifetime and lead to undue force upon them to leave money etc to others under undue pressure.

having said that - there was a Wills programme about 3-4 years ago on BBC2 which discussed having possible discussions about fair wills, this can only work if there is no emotion involved and fairness however.

[TheChandler]

TrickyDecision that's up to you (and your family). I damn well made sure to marry a man who could make independent decisions from his family. I think the ability to be independent is one the greatest "legacies" a parent can leave their child. And I certainly wouldn't permit a potential MIL or FIL dictating how I organised my marital finances.

[UrethraFranklin1]

Lets be honest here. Op thought her partner (and by extension herself) was going to get 240k. Shes pissed off shes not getting any money. Her son gets 120k, she feels cheated of the other half she thought was coming.
The rest is bull.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Uretha you have it in one. both she and DP wanted the money to pay off mortgage and fritter away on other things.

If there was a way for them to access the money from younger son (she protests her innocence at this) you can just tell she'd grab it with both hands!

she won't be back either so I wonder why we're commenting further. They will also highly unlikely be successful in challenging a will so best let sleeping dogs lie.

[Anon4Now2015]

actually (and I work in a solicitors) there is no such need for honesty from people when it comes from writing wills, none at all.

There may not be a legal need for honesty - and I'm not suggesting at all that it should be compulsory - but if what you really want to leave behind is a family intact and with no bitterness, then being open about why you made the decisions you have in your will (even if it's only in a letter to be read after you've died) can surely only be helpful. In the OP's situation her DP is left wondering why he was excluded and if he has done anything wrong. His siblings may also be wondering the same. He and the OP might also now be questioning his mother's relationship with her step-grandson; as might the step-grandson in the future, and his brother. There's clearly disagreement and resentment amongst siblings and possibly cousins. All this could have been avoided if his DM had just explained why she had split her assets the way she has.

[silveroldie2]

UrethraFranklin1
"Lets be honest here. Op thought her partner (and by extension herself) was going to get 240k. Shes pissed off shes not getting any money. Her son gets 120k, she feels cheated of the other half she thought was coming. The rest is bull."

^ This - its all about greed and you said it better than me.

Misty it's no-one else's business what you put in a will. Mine contains a few surprises but I shall not be discussing them with anybody.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Anon like I said there is no requirement to give an explanation at all! None at all legally!

It is after all the DM's and DF's estate to be distributed. I am sure there is more to this than OP (who's gone away now) tells us.

Like I said - I work in a sols - last firm I was in you would not believe how many children from a first marriage challenged their parent's remarriage and wishes or DGC of one man challenged a will (that was intestate though). Some people assume they have a better relationship than they do have and conveniently expect a bequest - we had several DC trying to unduly influence their DP prior to POA or DC who hadn't seen DP for many years but then turned up on the death wanting a 'slice of pie'.

you reap what you sow.

[SuperFlyHigh]

also anon if you read OP's OP then you will see that the siblings of her DP are three children however did expect to inherit but DP's siblings happy enough their children are inheriting so although there is no explanation they are happy not to challenge/change the terms and are happy with what their DC have got.

[SuperFlyHigh]

I meant as well in my last post - children from a first marriage often wanted to usurp and claim 'what was theirs' from a step-parent who was left money. in a few cases this even came down to - 'claiming the entire estate from the step-parent'.

appalling behaviour.

[MaliceInWonderland78]

Unusually for a Tory, I'm not especially in favour of inheritance. I'd happily see IHT increased. Anyway, I digress.....

When I die, my estate is to be used to buy a holiday homes (or homes) which will be held in trust for my children and grandchildren (and their descendants) to use as they see fit. That hopefully will be my legacy for generations to come. The idea of my children and grandchildren inheriting hundreds of thousands of pounds, purely by accident of birth, does not sit well with me.

With regards to the OP, your eldest son's family might well have decided to leave him something. Would you have felt your youngest son hard done by if this was the case?

[Anon4Now2015]

SuperFlyHigh As I said I know there is no legal requirement and am not suggesting there should be one.

When I die the most important thing I want to leave is harmony between the people left behind (if at all possible). So if in the future I decide that (for example) one child needs my help more than others and therefore leave them more (or any other variation that means my money won't be split equally between my children), I will explain why to my children either beforehand or in a letter to be opened on my death. I would hate to think my children were spending years after my death thinking "does this mean my mother loved me less" or questioning our relationship, simply because what I thought was a sensible arrangement wasn't obvious to them.

I fully know that there is no legal requirement to do this, nor do I think there should be. But if someone does choose to do something more unusual with their estate AND wants their family to get on and be happy on their death, then I think explaining why you've made the decisions you have can be a sensible option.

[Anon4Now2015]

also anon if you read OP's OP then you will see that the siblings of her DP are three children however did expect to inherit but DP's siblings happy enough their children are inheriting so although there is no explanation they are happy not to challenge/change the terms and are happy with what their DC have got.

I have NEVER said that anyone should challenge the will (nor would I). To be honest, it's the feelings rather than the money that interests me. All I have said is that if the OP's DP could understand why he wasn't a beneficiary he might be perfectly happy or at least more happy. The person who told him that this has been done specifically to avoid him inheriting has clearly caused him to question his whole relationship with his mother - and as she's now dead he has no opportunity to ask her about it and has to live with those questions forever. His DM may of course have not given two hoots about this (as is her right) but on the other hand she may have simply not forseen that splitting her estate in this way would cause such issues for him. If the latter is the case a simple explanation from the DM as to why her estate had been split in that way may have saved a lot of hurt feelings.

[Trickydecision]

And I certainly wouldn't permit a potential MIL or FIL dictating how I organised my marital finances.

Chandler, I did say I would let them get on with it. That's not dictating; but do feel free to contort my remarks to suit your own agenda.

[GetTheCarPenfold]

I do feel that older generations consider blood connection very important and prefer to pass on any inheritable wealth accordingly.

I've seen the phrase "all natural grandchildren" used to exclude step grandchildren several times as far as wills/trusts are concerned.

I kind of applaud the GM in this situation as it means that all of her natural grandchildren inherited equally. You and dh have presumably got plans for paying off your mortgage before you retire in much the same way as the older generations have done. Given the way house prices have gone however, £120,000 each to the 6 grandchildren will help them substantially should they want to buy in the future.

Galling if the parents had been banking on receiving an inheritance to settle their mortgage, instead of paying it off through their own hard graft, but no-one should ever expect an inheritance and mentally tot up the sum expected and plan what to do with the funds unless they have expressly been told/shown the contents of a will and even then a will can be changed at any time before death.

Lesson learned. A hard lesson which was probably a nasty surprise, but remember the (spare) money you earn yourself is yours to do whatever you like with and you can even things up between your sons if you want to. You don't have to do what your DH wants over this matter either. Wills can be kept private.

[Canyouforgiveher]

When I die, my estate is to be used to buy a holiday homes (or homes) which will be held in trust for my children and grandchildren (and their descendants) to use as they see fit. That hopefully will be my legacy for generations to come. The idea of my children and grandchildren inheriting hundreds of thousands of pounds, purely by accident of birth, does not sit well with me.

I was friends with a woman whose in laws (a couple of generations back) did this. We went to stay in the holiday home with her and her husband for a weekend. When we were cleaning up before leaving, I was putting the cutlery away and she explained to me that all the forks had to be put back nestled together facing to the left. There was a whole list of other rules as well. Basically there were so many cousins etc sharing the house that world war 3 would regularly break out about how the house was left (and I believe one aunt's full time job was working out fair and equitable access to the house) so they drew up the most detailed rules I have ever seen in my life.

[Secretprincess]

Given how much your 8 year old has inherited, for the love of god please get some proper financial advice from an authorised independent advisor (not some fly by night rogue) and invest it safely and tax effectively. You will have to pay for the advice but your dc will thank you for it later when his inheritance is still worth something later on, when he really needs it. Sorry to be boring.

[PtolemysNeedle]

SecretPrincess - isn't that the job of the trustees who the GM named? I wouldn't have thought that was automatically a parents job in this situation.

I'm not quite understanding the talk of the DP being disinherited. He hasn't been disinherited, although it may feel that way to him if he had assumed that he would inherit. Plenty of grandparent prefer the GC to inherit because their own children are older and set up in their own lives with their own homes and the Gps just want to give their GC a good start. It's often really as simple as that, there doesn't have to be any disinheriting going on.

[hampsterdam]

I think it is a bit mean if the money has gone straight to the dgc purely for the reason of making sure dss doesn't get any of the benefits. The parents could have decided to invest that money in a way that would make more money for both of the children ie property. Than leaving it in a bank for ten years with inflation and low interest.
But if they just wanted to leave to dgc just because not to spite the dss then fair enough it's their money. Personally I wouldn't want my ds or cousins and sibs losing out for the sake of my dss getting anything from my family. But in my family I can't imagine there will be much to get upset about anyway.
Lots of horrible will stories about. Someone I know left his estate (house in London) to his 3 adult kids equally. Easy you would think but oh no 1 of them wants to cause a fuss and is eating into what they will all get by foot dragging.

[youareallbonkers]

Also your partner doesn't want to leave his money to your stepson but expected one of his siblings to "make it fairer" ? I bet that wasn't to give to your son but to keep himself. Sounds like his mum knew exactly what she was doing

[youareallbonkers]

His step son

[MrsCampbellBlack]

This is very similar to a recent archers storyline

I do agree that it is best to be open about wills whilst everyone is still alive.

Bypassing children in favour of grandchildren works well when each child has the same number of children. However if one child has 5 children and another has only one - well I do get why this can cause some resentment.

But it is ultimately up to the person whose will it is.