Imheritance

[EWAB]

My son aged 8 has just inherited just short of £120,000 along with all of his first cousins from a much loved grandmother. Her nieces got a couple of grand. My eldest son her step grandson precisely nothing. She was loved and credited me with encouraging her to travel to see her siblings and she went to NZ with sister last year so no comments that we wanted her money etc. her three children however did expect to inherit but DP's siblings happy enough their children are inheriting [one able to buy outright house in university town}. However, it now appears that the niece has said that MIL arranged the will this way so DP would not inherit and my elder son would not ultimately benefit from her money! I asked my DP if we could arrange things to be more equitable ie leave more to older son. He refused wants his half of our assets to go to his son and my half to be split between both. He is upset and according to one of his sibs has approach sib with three children asking them to make things fairer as essentially instead of will being divided between her own three it was split 6 ways so ultately family with three children benefitted disproportionately. I am devastated for my elder son that he is financially worse off than his brother and for the future.y partner is clearly upset about everything but isn't sharing thoughts other than it was unexpected and he'd hoped to pay off mortgage! It has made me question everything about the grandparents who always seed nice.

I am sorry I didn't come back I am poleaxed I don't blame some people for not understanding me because I don't understand myself. My emotions have overtaken my logic. It is now clear that my situation informed my younger son's grandmother's decision prompted apparently by late husband. If money had been split 3 ways ( between partner and two siblings) our little family would have had an extra £120,000 but by bypassing that generation DP's nieces have benefitted. I am confused about my original AIBU I don't feel MIL should have left my elder son (he's 15 and his father rents) anything but to have been so blatant and not left her children the inheritance makes me ill. I have never had cause to complain about any of them they never left older son out. I don't know what I think about DP. I am taking advice from those who said let dust settle. If I had a stepchild in all honesty I probably wouldn't leave them exactly what I would leave my own child but in the case of a child actually living with me I probably would split (certainly proceeds from house 50:50). As for suggestion of not leaving my younger son any money myself I couldn't do it. If he was a zillionaire I would still leave him 50:50 with his brother. To add insult to injury we can't access our younger son's money without consulting DP's cousin's husband ( a solicitor where will was lodged) yes! Not that we would want to. I hope elder son doesn't hear about this and when his brother accesses money for house etc he will recognise the money came from paternal grandmother. I won't come back to this. Thanks everyone. If I told a RL friend I would become hysterical! All this from the sale of a very ordinary semi but in London!!!

Sorry, EWAB, but I am none the wiser after your most recent post.
What have your DP's nieces got to do with it?

I don't usually comment on lack of paragraphs, but I think it would help us all to understand if you could break your posts up a bit.

Ah I understand. You feel she disinherited your dh just to make sure your ds1 didn't inherit and by missing a generation more went to the nieces. I think all you can do is move on :)

If money had been split 3 ways ( between partner and two siblings) our little family would have had an extra £120,000

Aha...now we're getting to the crux of the matter.

Wait, your DP and his siblings haven't received anything but their DC (woman's DGC) did.

What on earth is wrong with that? not usual but money passes to the DGC rather than DC.

I am confused by the nieces having anything to do with it to and anyway they are only getting £2,000 as opposed to £120,000

You seem to be incensed that your DP and 2 DC (step and other) haven't had this £120,000 split but the will is doing what the DGM wanted that is to bypass her DS (and other DC) and why should she leave money to DGC eg a step DGS?!

It does not matter if your DC who is the step son inherits nothing from his DF - or his step DGM that is her wishes and who knows his DF position may change in the future even if he does rent.

personally in light of this I think both your assets should go to both sons equally but your DP doesn't have to treat the step son equally at all.

You could of course in this situation favour your eldest son more than the youngest but this could be seen as unfair.

£120,000 now may not buy much if you're thinking in terms of property and even more so in the future!

You could look to paying off mortgage sooner if you can and THEN helping eldest DS with property when he comes of age and of course not helping or not so much youngest DS in the future. This is especially fair as you think DF of eldest DS won't presumably have a lot, but what about his DP (eldest sons DGP) - they may choose to leave money to eldest DS or eldest DGS.

There was a similar situation a few years back with friends... DGM died and left estate to her 2 DGC and DS. Nothing was left to another DS. DGC as adults felt sorry for the other DS so gave him some money (I don't know whether he had DC). This was fair in that instance.

In your instance your DP sounds totally selfish and was expecting all sorts. Sounds as if his DM had the measure of him hence leaving him nothing!

So, if the inheritance was split equally between your partner and his siblings you'd have £240,000 but because she split between grandchildren your son gets £120,000 and you get nothing (and it's right that you can't access it!)

You're not owed anything, she is helping out her grandchildren. Just get glad your youngest has got this money for his future.

*just be glad

It's very difficult to work out the relationships here. One of your sons is her grandson but the other a stepgrandson and if that's the case usually somebody would leave their money to the blood relative. She didn't want her son to inherit. In the end you simply have to respect her wishes unless you feel able to mount a legal challenge to the will. Not sure if I agree with leaving an eight year old such a large sum as it leaves problems as how to protect it from inflation - even though inflation is low at the moment.

Why would you want to access the ?120k anyway OP? It's good that you can't because it's not yours.

I'm confused why not accessing your son's money adds insult to injury. It is his money and I'm glad they seem to be protecting from you.

It's very difficult to work out the relationships here

It is, but I think I've got it. OP is a widow. Has a son by late husband. Now has a partner and has a son with him. Partner's mum has died. OP was expecting her partner and his siblings to get around £240K each. But because partner's mum left money to grandkids, there's more of them so they only get £120K each. So OP's youngest son has got £120K and her oldest son has sweet FA (because he isn't related to the deceased.)

OP now wants their will adjusted to favour her oldest son (who is partner's step son) to balance things out. Partner is saying no. (who can blame him).

I think that's it, but might have got it completely arse about face!

"OP is a widow. Has a son by late husband."

don't think so. She said her ex-husband rents, didn't she? i think the grandma was a widow until she died, though I'm not sure what the significance of that is.

honestly though, all the detail is unnecessary. the grandma didn't do a bad thing by skipping a generation and sharing it equally between her DGC. it's what she wanted and it was her money to decide. no point even thinking about the money your little family would have had. it's pure fantasy. nothing to be done about it. the only issue you have any control over is your own will and you may need to revisit that with your DP. might help if you were married too. That's another thread really, but you can't really expect people to see you and DC1 as family if you're neither blood nor legally related.

In the op's first post she said her partner wanted to pay off the mortgage. I think that's the issue. The OP and her partner wanted the money and are upset they didn't get it.

pinkdelight, yes, sorry, you are quite right, she's divorced, not a widow. ExH probably got fed up over her lack of paragraphs!

In the op's first post she said her partner wanted to pay off the mortgage. I think that's the issue. The OP and her partner wanted the money and are upset they didn't get it.

Hammer, meet head of nail.

EWAB - I think it's the law that you can't access DC's cash until 18, although you may be able to apply for advancements and that sort of thing. I don't think think the testatrix (have never used this word before!) has imposed this to spite you.

I've already said it and I'll say it again. OP had an expectation of inheritance which she didn't get, because the grandmother bypassed her generation and went straight to her grandchildren. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, the grandmother probably had the measure of the OP and has acted accordingly. Good on her.

The money was never yours OP so why did you assume your 'little family' would get any of it?

"but to have been so blatant and not left her children the inheritance makes me ill."

Can't see the problem tbh.

I could see MIL doing this.

It would mean that I wouldn't benefit & she probably thinks that we don't need it & that her GC do.

FIL would df lave it all to my husband with maybe a token for our kids (the only GC)

The OP and her boyfriend seem to be unaware the money belongs to the eight year old.

Both posts are very badly written so make it impossible to care enough to follow.

I'm a bit confused by the nieces, but it seems that you think is unfair because your family has less than your DP's siblings' family. Except you don't because she's left it to the grand-kids not the family. They've each got the same.
I understand you feel hurt on behalf of your elder son but he's not a blood relative so I think the GM is perfectly justified in doing it the way she did.

And as for you not being able to access your younger son's money - that's normal. I've just done my will and my sister ;whom I love dearly and trust implicitly) will not be able to access money left in trust for my kids (she's guardian) without my cousin's agreement. Normal legal advice. And the fact that you think it's unreasonable may explain why it's not you or your DP that got given that responsibility in the will.

OP now wants their will adjusted to favour her oldest son (who is partner's step son) to balance things out. Partner is saying no.

Legal reality is saying no, too. Assuming that the son who has inherited is a minor, as appears to be the case, he cannot sign a deed of variation. Deeds of variation require the unanimous agreement of the affected beneficiaries, so his inability to sign prevents it from happening full stop. His parents can't sign on his behalf, as they are very interested parties (otherwise grandparents who leave money to their minor grandchildren would risk the parent colluding to take the money for themselves); in fact, I think deeds of variation can't be signed by parents in any event, but I could be wrong. Certainly they have to act in the beneficiaries' interests, not others.

Were anyone to interfere with his inheritance, he would be perfectly entitled to sue the executors and/or trustees for the money upon majority, and would without question win.

Honestly, if my mother had left her estate to the grandchildren rather than my sibs and me, I would be upset. Not upset enough to post on MN about it but certainly a bit upset. I would feel like it was a declaration of lack of trust in me.

And I would not be happy with an 8 year old having a trust fund that might become accessible at age 18 or even 21. Yes it is possible he will buy a house and be set up for life. It is also possible that he will spend it on travel or not working for a while etc. Or that he won't work as hard as he could because he knows he has this money.

It is all very well to say anyone can do what they like with their money - of course they can. But they can't also dictate how those involved are going to feel about it.

Metracentric, the OP wants her and her partners will changed so that if/when they die, her son from ExH gets more than their son, as their son has already had £120K from his granny. That's quite legal. Ridiculous, but legal.

It is also possible that he will spend it on travel

What!! A young man of 18 spending his own money his granny left him to see the world and have fabulous life changing experiences.....that would be an outrage!

So the grandmother left the money to her grandchildren not her children. That was her wish - it was her money to do exactly as she wished with. Neither you, OP nor any of your family had any rights to or claims on this money. . (Isn't this tax efficient as the money only suffers one lot of inheritance tax by bypassing a generation?) Why it would make you ill is beyond me. If my Mother left my kids a share of her will and not me, I would not be bothered - just pleased for them.

She divided it equally between the grandchildren. The OPS first son was not a grandchild. He got nothing, but presumably has other grandparents to inherit from.

And I can't understand why you think you should have access to your son's money - IT IS NOT YOURS. I Hope the solicitor explains this to you.

So you are upset because you wanted the money for yourselves,. Maybe your MIL did the will this way so that it all went directly to blood relatives and not outside the blood family.