Or is Dh - evening meals

[CarolPeletier]

Dh decided to become vegan about a year ago. I have tried desperately hard to make interesting and tasty family meals but am really struggling.

Many of the recipes I find take ages and I have three small children so need quick and easy meals. It also dictates the rest of us either eat vegan every night or I make two meals.

Last night was the last straw. I made spag bol with soy mince, quorn has egg in. He complained it was too chewy and my cooking had gone down hill. I informed him it was my limited ingredients which has made my cooking, and meals for the whole family, go downhill.

I make homemade curries, tagines, skewers, pies, stews, warm salads... I'm no chef but feel I make an effort. Wibu to tell him to either eat dairy again or cook himself?? I am a sahm so feel pressure to put a meal on the table for when he walks in.

I think there is a middle ground between the "fuck off and cook your own vegan shit" and your current position of it being all on you and having to do so many different meals and him criticizing you. Which is not on.

Can you have a conversation about why it is hard for you, and come up with more of a collaborative approach?

A combination of him cooking sometimes for the family, sometimes he cooks just for himself, suggesting easy vegan alternatives and sometimes you cooking vegan but making a huge portion so he can eat it for a few nights while you just cook non-vegan.

I'd probably take the approach of the family eating vegan 2 nights a week and the rest of the time DH eats vegan left-overs and I cook one dish for me and the DCs, and then maybe one or two nights he gets an 'easy' meat alternative such as veggie sausages or veggie burgers or whatever. Waitrose do some nice 'bung in the oven stuff'.

Unless you are really into the meal planning and the cooking, it is tricky to feed one vegan when not everyone is :-(

OMG he needs his breakfast making for him????

I'm now on the 'tell him to FUCK OFF' camp.

Breakfasts have to be like, the easiest vegan meal.
Porridge or musli with loads of nuts nad seeds and dairy-free milk.
Toast and avocado or peanut butter and jam.
Baked beans on toast.

All of those are v filling and he can dam well make himself.

You know what? I'd give him baked beans and dry toast for every meal until he repents If he's been particulary well behaved that day you could let him have a hash brown for variety.

Actually User100, I was completely serious - I've been doing the "Vegan Before 6" plan by Mark Bittman for over a year now (I have carni dinners) and tbh, sometimes the thought of All. Those. Beans. And. Vegetables for lunch, when I see my DH eating chicken, sausages and bacon, etc. (we both work from home), fills me with dread, even though I know I'm going to have meat that evening! The same could very well have happened to OP's DH - he had a bad day and the chewy soy mince just pushed him over the edge and made him feel sorry for himself, but of course he couldn't "admit defeat" and say he regretted his decision - he turned it around on his wife's cooking. I'm not saying that excuses his behaviour but it might explain it.

I'm sure there are many vegetarians/vegans who wouldn't go back to meat/dairy for all the promised health in the world, but why would it surprise you if not all of them felt that way?

It's a shame that the OP said she used to love cooking but now it's become a chore. Maybe your DH could try to find interesting recipes that you could cook together at the weekend. He needs to support YOU trying to support his desire to eat vegan.

If you love cooking, it most probably means you're a good cook.
IF you're cooking something nice!

So he decided to change his diet to a fairly restrictive one about a year ago.
You have given it a good effort with a varied menu and he is at this stage complaining about your cooking.
I would be inclined to suggest he takes over the responsibility for a while to 'show you how it's done' as he obviously will have some ideas you haven't thought of...
One of two things will happen:
He will realise he isn't that committed a vegan if he has to do his meals himself or
He will be a whiz in the kitchen and you will never have to meal plan again.

What Bogeyface said at 20.21.

Apparently my father complained once about something my Mum cooked. They had not been married long.
She took the plate away, threw the dinner in the bin, sat back down and continued eating her own without another word. Dad got nothing that night but a sharp lesson in appreciation. He never ever complained again

haven't read all the posts yet but i don't need to.
tell him to make his own cunting dinners.

My ds suggests that he become a fruitarian. Present him with a bowl of fruit.

I know someone who claims to be a raw food "chef", I think of him as a professional crudité chopper!

We have a family where one person has a restricted diet and one member is restrictive for SEN reasons.
Things like microwave rice, boil in the bag cous cous and pre cooked polenta are options that can help you. You can make things you would normally cook such and cook the meat/dairy separately. It's up to him to either eat the without version or find an adaptation. If he criticises the adaptation it is his problem.
Store batches of stew that he can defrost. You can simmer them with meat to make your meal
You can all have veggie casserole with barley. He has rice and you have mash, bread or whatever.

I'd still say cheeky fecker to criticise your efforts in such a patronising way, but if it was a one-off it doesn't make him an awful person.

Does he actually realise what effect his new dietary requirements are having? If he doesn't cook for the family very often then it is perfectly possible he doesn't.

I cook virtually all of my family's evening meals and always have. DH is an acknowledged disaster in the kitchen, so I prefer it my way.

Even when I was a SAHM though, never once did I cook his breakfast. Each to their own at breakfast in this house, with me cooking properly in the evening. I do cater for some vegetarian requirements, but have no experience of veganism.

Your DH needs to be appreciative, or at least not patronising and dismissive of what you cook, and to understand that sometimes things can go wrong too.

I don't diss his reasons for wanting to go vegan, though perhaps it would be better if he actually worked with you to help enable it to happen properly. Not him criticising you and coming out against you.

Your DH needs to take some responsibility for his new diet.
How about he starts trying out a new vegan recipe once a week - maybe at the weekend. The meal has to be simple to prepare and he has to enjoy eating it. If the meal turns out well, then it can be added to the selection of "pretested and quality controlled" recipes from which you can choose to cook during the week - safe in the knowledge that you and your DH have already cooked and enjoyed them.
If, however, your DH finds cooking his test recipes difficult, time consuming or unappetising - then the recipe gets dumped forever. And he might just learn not to take you for granted.

"He complained it was too chewy and my cooking had gone down hill"

This would have made me see red. DH occasionally goes on a special diet (no carbs at all basically) to control UC flareups. He usually makes his own dishes to save me cooking two separate meals then but occasionally I try to make some of them too for all of us. If he complained about the quality/taste of it, I wouldn't be making them again.

With such young DCs it's enough to be looking after them all day without all this special diet faffing!

What are the DCs doing when you are spending so long prepping and cooking these meals?

Are you still on mat leave or have you given up work completely? I think he's just going to keep treating you like a 2bd class citizen forever until you have some independence.