Or is Dh - evening meals

[CarolPeletier]

Dh decided to become vegan about a year ago. I have tried desperately hard to make interesting and tasty family meals but am really struggling.

Many of the recipes I find take ages and I have three small children so need quick and easy meals. It also dictates the rest of us either eat vegan every night or I make two meals.

Last night was the last straw. I made spag bol with soy mince, quorn has egg in. He complained it was too chewy and my cooking had gone down hill. I informed him it was my limited ingredients which has made my cooking, and meals for the whole family, go downhill.

I make homemade curries, tagines, skewers, pies, stews, warm salads... I'm no chef but feel I make an effort. Wibu to tell him to either eat dairy again or cook himself?? I am a sahm so feel pressure to put a meal on the table for when he walks in.

@User100 - I think one of the big issues with veganism is calcium.

if he works five days then thats 5 dinners?
So i would tell him to do some vegan dishes on weekend i.e. shepherds pie, veg bolognese and freeze them.
During the week he has those dishes 2 nights.
Another 2 nights you cook vegan for all of you i.e. stir fry or vegan curry orlentil soup or dhal or vegan chilli.
And one night you have falafel and salad in wraps, deli style bits etc.

I am meat eater so i dont have experience but i think if he wants to become a vegan then he must do some research on nutrition and buy a couple of good books?

Bogeyface, its really NOT OK with me to call my husband names. (Only I can do that :-))

Am fairly new to forums... Are people normally this ruthless and brash?

Why do women describe the childcare and housework men do as 'helping'?

OP does he ever describe the housework and childcare you do as 'helping' him?

Does he realise if you weren't around he'd have to do it all himself?

Housework & childcare is never 'helping'. It is being an adult and parent.

If people don't see it as their responsibility they don't deserve their DCs.

I would cook for me and the kids and either prepare something easy vegan for him or get him to batch cook on Sunday nights to see him through the week. A vegan diet is not nutritious enough for small kids. And I'd persoanoly cry if o had to eat vegan every night ????

i get you want to do the whol e'meal ready on table' thing for him but seriously - what you're doing is enabling a rude fuckwit!

By all means cook it for him if you want but where exactly is he taking responsibility for any of the diet changes he's made? there is NOTHING stopping him from sourcing recipes, ordering the ingredients and getting them delivered, and letting you just concentrate on the cooking bit. he's just decided that he doesn't want any of the hassle or responsibility that goes with a decision like that, he just wants to make a new rule and let you deal with it all so all he has to do is shovel it into his mouth - and even then he can't find it in himself to show appreciation.

you seem to think he's doing you a favour by 'allowing' you to be a sahm and hence why you feel you 'owe' him, get that messed up thinking sorted pronto - you are both enabling each other to do what is best for your family, neither of you 'owe' each other. he works outside the home all day while you work inside the home all day, come evening time you're both 'off duty' but still need to split household/family chores equally if you want it to be fair and to be respected. Martyring yourself for him isn't making him respect you.

does he do any cooking over the weekend? does he even realise just how much hassle, work and effort go into each mealtime for the whole family?! you say you're not a 1950's housewife but the way you do everything for him because 'he earns the money' instead of making him help himself (like many working parents do) just screams 'i'm a 1950's housewife but don't know it yet cos my thinking is warped'.

CarolPeletier people on AIBU tend to be very 'forthright'! It's normally a bit more ruthless and brash.

A bit off topic, but can highly reccomend some of Yotam Ottolenghis recipes as suitable for vegans and tasty - and you could add the dairy e.g. goats cheese or whatever for you and the kids.

I know what you mean though - I often cook the evening meal as I like cooking and it means I'll get something tastier to eat than if my husband cooks it.

But I find it a chore when his kids are there because they don't particularly like the kind of food I like to eat...it saps the joy somewhat and the stuff I make them just isn't as nice. So I've given up those nights and husband does them.

YANBU I'm a vegan but I appreciate that it does take extra effort and not everyone wants to eat that way. Plus he sounds downright rude. I think it's fair enough to ask you to try cooking vegan or veganish (meal with cheese on top for you, none for him etc.)and see how you like it but to then berate it for not being good enough is outrageous. If it's not to his standards then surely he can cook for you all, or at least himself instead.

"CarolPeletier people on AIBU tend to be very 'forthright'! It's normally a bit more ruthless and brash."

OK then.....

Runs away and hides**

OP i was with you there, right up for a bit of talking and negotiating, until downhill-gate. Immediate strike action.

You have painted a pretty poor picture, where he dictates and you oblige because you "don't want to upset him". Regardless of his reasons, be they good or bad, he is foisting his decision on the rest of you and expecting you to not only accomodate, but do all the hard work for his lifestyle choice. He's being very, very selfish and you're letting him. You might want to think about the kind of message that sends your kids about roles in relationships and whose needs are most important in your house.

I don't see anything wrong with what bogey face has said. Your just burying your head in the sand. Hes not taking any responsibility to change his lifestyle etc. Hes made more work for you and what part does he play except opening his mouth and being fed. Why do you and the kids have to follow his restricted diet? I would sit back and let him come up with his recipes and see how long being a vegan lasts.

The AIBU has been answered, but given you love cooking, how about asking for people's favourite vegan recipes, or ways of flavouring up TVP type foodstuffs?

I'm veggie and have meat eating family, so when I make spag bol (or similar), I always add in a goodly amount of red wine, veggie stock cubes and garlic. The meat eaters generally find that sufficiently tasty (I think it's mainly the wine, although I boil it off so it doesn't end up alcoholic).

I'm not a great fan of TVP (and as a veggie I do eat quorn), but chick peas work well. Also I used to make a yummy east african curry with mushroom and bannana. Perhaps you could get "re-inspired" with some suggestions. If you find some good vegan meals you all like, make extra to save a couple of extra portions and then perhaps have 1 in 3 days all eating vegan, and the other 2 your personal favourites (for you and kids) with spare vegan portions (for DH).

(BTW, I agree with that his complaint was unreasonable and rude, and it wouldn't make me that inclined personally to try the above until he'd apologised properly)

MitzyLeFrouf
CarolPeletier people on AIBU tend to be very 'forthright'! It's normally a bit more ruthless and brash.

That's no excuse for people making all sorts of assumptions, with no factual basis (or none that the OP has revealed). All sorts of stuff has been said about the OP's husband, with nothing to support it in the information provided by the OP, about from his unfortunate comments after one meal.

knittingdad
I think one of the big issues with veganism is calcium.

Why is calcium an issue for vegans, knittingdad?

apart from

Oh, I could go vegan if I had someone to cook FOR me

Such hard work though to come up with vegan dishes that are tasty and filling if you are not used to cooking vegan.

It's a bit like him asking to cook dinner with one arm behind your back, then complaining it isn't quite good enough.

He sounds unfair and unkind

Don't be his doormat.

The key here IMO is meal planning.

Write out a menu plan for the week - stuff that you & DC want to eat/cook.

Then up to DH to work out a vegan alternative. If he wants to prep something the night before - I'd be open to eg putting stuff in the oven. Or to separate out a portion of base sauce for him to add his own protein in. But he has to do the thinking IMO.

if he wants to impose a restricted diet on himself, he needs to put some of the effort into obtaining it and not expect you and the kids to be limited to it. If he's going to be so damned rude about your efforts with what end up being heavily processed ingredients, in order to make the meal more satisfying for the kids, then he needs to start shifting for himself a bit more, even if it means he ends up living on houmous sarnies for a while.

6 months, 2 and 5.

You have children that young, and instead of him thinking 'wow this is actually quite a big ask of Carol, how amazing is she', he is thinking 'ugh this isn't up to the usual standard, i'll have a moan and hope that she does better'.

You've said a lot about how you love him, you're grateful to him, you don't want to upset him. Did he think about how he was upsetting you when he criticised your cooking last night? Does he think about the extra effort you are going to?
I can't believe he dropped this on you when you were three months pregnant, and already had two very young children to care for. I'm pretty stunned at his lack of thought for you.

I can understand why you want to cook him dinner (although I work in a very stressful job and make dinner when I get home - every night) but I do think he should be able to sort out his own breakfast.

Cooking is a lifeskill we should all master. Well, maybe not master but be able to cook the basics.

My dh has recently become vegan (I am veggie) and he is doing his own cooking. I have fussy dcs to cook for and I'm not going to end up doing 3 meals. I can see your situation is complicated by the fact that you are at home, but I don't think being his personal nutritionist was part of the deal. He can give up some time at the weekend - at minimum - to look up recipes and do some shopping. He has some cheek - as another poster said, we could all be vegan if someone else did all the hard work for us!

For those knocking the vegan diet, it's actually excellent for children and adults of all ages. Nutritious, varied and delicious.